Sex & Smoke
by merraz2590
Summary: Everything eventually comes full circle. ShikaNeji Warnings: Yaoi, sex, death, violence, mentions of rape, angst and substance abuse.
1. Love Reign O'er Me

**Title: Sex & Smoke**

**Rating: NC17**

**Pairing: ShikaNeji (almost, er, sort of, I guess...)**

**Warnings: Yaoi, bisexual behaviour, drama (heh, drama...), open relationships and Shikamaru is a slut (lol).**

**Disclaimer: Characters are not mine. I own a Sasuke plushie. That's just about it...**

**Author's note: I have not commited suicide. I am still alive, my life is shit and misery just so happens to be my muse. I have not abandoned "Obscure". I am just trying to battle my writer's block by taking a little break from it and writing something else. Just for the record this fic has absolutely nothing to do with "All tied up". I am quite fond of this fic regardless, so I hope you enjoy it. **

Shikamaru shoved the slim body into the nearest hard surface. The kiss was demanding and fierce and he wanted all that he could get. Long legs hiked up around his waist and clung to him as he began to grind their hips roughly together. He swallowed each moan and drifted his hands lower to a firm ass that filled out his palms nicely.

A lot of people liked to entertain the idea that Shikamaru was lazy and hardly motivated about anything. Which wasn't quite untrue but there were certain things (or rather activities) that Shikamaru was quite partial to. And one of them had nothing to do with watching clouds. Shikamaru loved sex. He loved everything about it. He loved dominating, being dominated, he loved doing it with men, woman or the closest most willing body next to him. He just loved getting off, reaching that natural and most ultimate high he could only get with another person.

That said Shikamaru slept around quite a bit. He slept with people that he knew and with people he had never before seen. He wasn't picky. Though he never bothered with relationships. Way too much trouble than they were worth. Everyone else could just go to hell.

That was the last thing on his mind though. Because just right then Shikamaru was too busy making the person he was with melt in his arms.

Long dark chocolate hair slipped through his fingers before getting a good grip on it and tugging it to expose a pale neck. Firm hands gripped his back tightly as his mouth descended to mark the supple skin. Not liking the clothes that were getting in the way of his exploring, he tugged on the collar before a slim hand came up to stop him. He pulled away to look into ghostly white eyes.

"Let me…"

The dark husky voice that made him tense with want and desire belonged to Hyuuga Neji. He was only supposed to be another drunken one night stand in that party a month ago but after four rounds of the most incredible sex, Shikamaru couldn't bring himself to leave it just at that. He just had to go back for more. Which he did. Much more frequently than he should.

Leaning back a bit, Shikamaru rolled his hips against that tight ass as he watched pale smooth skin being revealed with each undone button. Finally the cloth fell to the floor in a heap and Shikamaru began to kiss, lick and nip his way down that firm square chest. The moans he got in response were delicious and he couldn't possibly wait any longer to hear more.

Without much preamble Shikamaru shoved the rest of Neji's clothes off and dropped down to his knees. Strong pale legs adjusted themselves over Shikamaru's shoulders as he tasted the creamy skin on the inside of Neji's thighs.

Neji sighed and moaned his name as his head fell against the wall, when Shikamaru nuzzled the base of his erection. There was a loud and long moan when Shikamaru licked the hard member, from the base to the tip. Neji nearly shouted in pleasure when Shikamaru sucked him hard.

Neji's hands scrambled over the wall above him as he tried to find something to hold onto. With trembling fingers he hastily undid the tie holding Shikamaru's hair together and held on to dear life as the younger ninja continued to suck him.

The gasps and moans made by the Hyuuga as Shikamaru continued to bob his head between Neji's thighs were perfect. There were very few things in life that was more perfect than a responsive sex partner and the Nara intended to milk it for all that it was worth.

"Oh!"

If he could Shikamaru would have smirked when Neji squirmed as he prodded his entrance with his finger. Knowing that the Hyuuga liked it a little bit rough Shikamaru shoved two fingers into the twitching entrance nearly coming in his pants at Neji's near shriek of pleasure.

Glancing up Shikamaru took in the sight of the stoic Hyuuga come apart as he sucked and massaged his prostate at the same time. It was beautiful. His legs were trembling against Shikamaru's shoulders and he was getting louder and louder and the Nara knew that he was close.

Neji's pale body arched and shivered hard as he came with a shout. He pushed his hips closer to Shikamaru's face trying to get as far into that moist heat as he swallowed his cum. Finally Shikamaru pulled away wiping his mouth as Neji continued to shudder above him.

Gently he shrugged Neji's legs off his shoulders and let the dazed Hyuuga slide down the wall onto his lap. Grabbing his chin Shikamaru molded their lips together in a sensual kiss that made Neji moan as he could taste himself on the Nara's tongue.

Neji wrapped his arms around Shikamaru's neck and let out a startled noise when Shikamaru was suddenly standing up with a firm grip on his thighs. Not pulling away from that succulent mouth Shikamaru carried Neji towards the bed.

There was a loud creak as Neji was deposited onto his bed. He leaned back onto his elbows, spreading his legs as he watched Shikmaru strip. He felt his spent cock twitch against his stomach in reawakening arousal as the toned and tan body revealed itself to him. His exotic eyes narrowed in lust as Shikamaru's rock hard erection came into view. He caught the smirk on Shikamaru's face and just scowled.

"You're insatiable, you know that?"

Shikamaru chuckled before crawling onto the bed.

"You've never complained before."

Neji smirked as he settled down onto the mattress and pressed his hands against tan shoulders when Shikamaru hovered over him.

"Who said I was? I just find it a bit difficult to believe that Konoha's laziest ninja would have so much sex drive."

Soft lips grinned against Neji's collar bone.

"I'm full of surprises."

Neji huffed, "More like full of bullshit."

The bed shook with Shikamaru's laughter and Neji pretended to pout as the other man looked at him with a playful smile.

"You don't seem to hate it."

Neji inhaled as Shikamaru leaned down with their lips nearly touching.

"No, I don't." He really didn't.

Grabbing him by the back of his neck Neji tugged the other man down into another deep kiss. As their mouths slid against each other, Shikamaru laid his weight down between Neji's open legs. He rubbed their groins together in a slow decadent pace. Neji whimpered into the younger ninja's mouth as his sensitive cock was stimulated into spine tingling arousal.

Neji had no problems with letting Shikamaru take control over him. But sometimes it was just as fun to turn the tables every now and then. Shikamaru grinned against a red mouth as Neji playfully rolled them over so that the long haired brunet was straddling his waist. Dark silky hair cascaded around their heads as Neji continued the kiss with wanton fervor. Large hands went down to his ass kneading the firm flesh and teasing the clenching hole.

Slipping a hand under the pillow under Shikamaru's head he retrieved a condom and lube. Nipping Shikamaru's lip, Neji pulled away sat up on his thighs. Dark sharp eyes watched him with consuming lust as Neji poured lube onto his hand. Neji found it ridiculously sexy the way those eyes could go from studiously uninterested and bored, to smoldering and passionate.

Reaching between his thighs, Neji slowly traced his hole, spreading the lube around and teasing himself at the same time. With small rubbing motions Neji began to slide the slick finger inside. At first it was just the tip sliding in and out slowly before inserting the finger progressively deeper moaning as he decided to add a second finger. Shikamaru's blood boiled at the sight of the Hyuuga playing with his hole, making it slick and loose just for him.

Getting slightly impatient, Neji slid his fingers out and reached for the condom. Shikamaru rubbed Neji's thighs as he tore the condom open. The younger brunet hissed in pleasure as a firm hand rolled the latex down his erection giving it a couple of strokes. Neji shifted forward a bit and began guiding the turgid length towards his entrance. Once Shikamaru's wide head breached that first ring of muscle, Neji gasped as the rest of him slipped in. It burned yet felt so good at the same time.

"Fuck, Neji…"

Shikamaru bent his knees, cradling Neji's body as he continued to rub the inside of his thighs, letting him adjust to the intrusion. Bracing his hands on Shikamaru's chest Neji began to rock back and forth biting his lip and moaning throatily. Without changing the pace Neji leaned down, bracing his forearms on either side Of Shikamaru's head and kissed him deeply.

Goosebumps broke out over Neji's skin as calloused fingers gently traced the contours of his back and he moved a little bit harder. Neji panted hotly into Shikamaru's neck as the man began to roll his hips up into him meeting him thrust for thrust. Shikamaru's thick cock glided over his prostate and Neji felt as though his body would catch on fire.

There was a loud rustling sound as Shikamaru changed positions again. Neji grasped onto the sheets under him as Shikamaru surged into him and cried out as his prostate was being assaulted. Shikamaru kept thrusting that way, deep, hard and torturously slow. Neji was nearly sobbing when Shikamaru started to go faster and faster. And just when he thought he would explode into a million little pieces, Shikamaru completely withdrew from him. Too breathless to yell at Shikamaru for stopping, Neji just glared. Which was sort of useless considering his face was red, sweaty, his hair a complete mess spread out around him on his pillow and looking very much debauched.

Shikamaru just grinned and judging that the Hyuuga had cooled down a bit, thrust right back in. Neji yelled and wrapped his legs around the Nara's waist, whimpering as Shikamaru started off slow again. Neji's nails clawed at every inch of Shikamaru he could reach as the man repeated the process over and over again. Pounding him into the bed and then suddenly slowing down, denying him the release he was desperately begging for. Neji thought he would go mad with pleasure.

"Ugh, god! Shikamaru! Oh, oh, fuck! Please!"

Shikamaru panted against Neji's cheek before whispering into his ear, "Get on your knees."

By then Neji was too boneless to move on his own and it was only with some assistance that he was able to move his shaking limbs into place. Kissing down the pale toned back he spread Neji's ass cheeks apart. Neji gasped and spread his thighs apart some more when he felt a hot breath over his abused entrance.

A low keening sound that went straight to Shikamaru's cock, escaped Neji when a hot tongue wiped over his hole. He was nearly ripping holes into his pillows when the slick appendage rubbed firmly over him and squirmed its way inside.

"O-oh, _pleasepleaseplease_! Shikamaru! I _need_ you!"

It thrilled Shikamaru to no end the amount of control he had over the Hyuuga. It would be a very long time coming the day when he would get tired of listening to Hyuuga Neji begging for him. Losing patience, Shikamaru straightened up and rammed his hips against Neji's firm ass.

To hell with slow. Shikamaru was reaming Neji's ass open and the long haired brunet could only scream in pleasure. Reaching out Shikamaru slipped his fingers under the long strands of silk, gathering it to cascade over a pale shoulder, where it swayed franticly with each jarring thrust. Pressing his chest against Neji's back, Shikamaru nipped the soft sweaty skin, making his lover of the moment arch and thrust back against him.

"Oh, oh, oh, touch me! Please, touch me!"

If he weren't so close to coming and so out of breath Shikamaru would have smirked. Instead he just braced himself against the bed with one hand while blindingly reaching out with the other and grasping Neji's hard erection.

Neji's hips were bucking hard underneath him, tight muscles fluttering and swallowing him eagerly. The Hyuuga's moans pitched in volume and he was helpless under the assault of pleasure. Neji's orgasm burst powerfully out of him, the built up tension had him shuddering violently and clenching his pillows hard. He all but forgot to breathe as Shikamaru continued to thrust into his clenching passage. It felt as though it would never end.

Shikamaru was gasping and panting, his hips pushed as close to Neji's ass as possible, jerking hard and fast. He cried out and white flashed across his eyes as his own climax rushed through him.

Neji struggled to regain his normal breathing when Shikamaru stopped moving. Dizzy with the aftershocks of his strong orgasm, Neji let Shikamaru wrap an arm around his torso to lay them down onto the mattress. Shikamaru gently spooned the Hyuuga, still half inside of him and soothingly stroking his trembling limbs. Neji couldn't stop the small mewls and whimpers that escaped him as the residual waves of sensation pulsed through him, slowly fading away under the ministrations of those surprisingly cool hands.

It took a while but Neji was finally feeling like himself. He squirmed a bit and Shikamaru withdrew from him. He sighed when a soft mouth kissed the edge of his shoulder.

"I hate it when you do that."

Neji scowled at the wall he was facing when he felt Shikamaru chuckle against his shoulder.

"Funny, I didn't hear you trying to stop me."

Neji turned his head to give Shikamaru a one sided glare.

"I would have killed you if you had stopped."

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow, "Oh, really?"

"Yes, really."

Shikamaru didn't doubt him. Neji may be adorably compliant and receptive in bed, but that certainly didn't make him any less a ninja. Not that he would say that out loud.

Shaking his head, Shikamaru pressed a brief kiss against Neji's forehead before beginning to scoot out of the bed. Neji turned onto his back watching as Shikamaru disappeared into the bathroom. When he reappeared, Neji chewed on his lip for a second before deciding to speak up.

"You can stay if you want."

Shikamaru looked up from where he was picking his pants from the ground. Straightening up with the cloth in his hand, Shikamaru seemed to think about it.

"I'm not sure-"

"Please? Just for tonight?"

Shikamaru swallowed as he looked at the needy look in Neji's face. Shikamaru normally fled the scene when he got that look from anybody else. But this was Neji. Someone he knew for a fact was usually very guarded about his emotions and never let any such weakness show.

He knew it wasn't a good idea. He knew it would only lead to complications. Complications that Shikamaru avoided like the bubonic plague. With that in mind, as well as a hundred different scenarios and reasons of why he should not be doing this, Shikamaru dropped his pants to the ground again and fitted himself comfortably against Neji's warm body on the bed.

"Do I get breakfast in the morning?"

"Only if we have morning sex first."

"And you call me insatiable."

"You started it."

"I've created a monster."

Neji smirked against Shikamaru's chest before drifting off to a comfortable sleep.

* * *

><p>"So, rumor has it that you're seeing Neji."<p>

Shikamaru snorted as he idly sipped his sake. As if he was really going to fall for that one…

Raising an eyebrow at his former blonde teammate, Shikamaru shot back, "Rumor has it, that you're fucking Lee."

Ino scowled as she leaned her forearms on the table in their booth.

"Don't change the subject, Shika. Come on; tell me what's going on between you and Neji?"

Shikamaru shrugged as he lit a cigarette, "We fuck every now and then. Doesn't mean we're going out. End of story. Does he still fuck like the energizer bunny?"

Completely thrown by the non-confession and the sub sequential question that had nothing to do with the topic or people at hand, Ino gaped. And then sputtered.

"Wh-what?"

Taking another mouthful of sake and giving Ino an infuriatingly bored look, Shikamaru elaborated.

"Did you really think I would make fun of you for screwing the protégée of Konoha's Green Beast? Last time I was with Lee, I could barely walk straight for two days."

Ino gaped at him some more, her mouth opening and closing, closely resembling a fish out of water. She flailed for a moment before finally finding her voice again.

"What! What the fuck are you talking about! Lee is straight!"

Shikamaru shrugged, "If that makes you feel any better."

Ino slapped a hand onto the wooden table, wishing it was Shikamaru's face instead.

"You are full of bullshit! You lying jackass! Even if Lee wasn't straight, why the hell would he sleep with you? How would you even _accomplish_ that?"

Shikamaru could tell she was pissed and that he was pushing it. Then again, she started it. He just smirked, though the humor never really reached his eyes.

"Are you kidding? He was the easiest one. All I had to do was sprout some shit about 'experimenting in the springtime of youth' or whatever and next thing I knew it he had me on my back with my knees bent in the air having-"

This time the table had to suffer under the brutality of Ino's fist. Her face was twisted in anger.

"Stop it! Just, shut up! God _damn_ it, Shikamaru! Is _no one_ safe from you? Or do you have some sick personal goal to fuck every single living person in Konoha?"

She was really angry. Shikamaru wondered how far he could push it.

"Only if it's legal." He replied smoothly.

Ino slapped a hand on her forehead, "God, you are so fucking hopeless. When will you learn to keep your dick to yourself?"

Shikamaru took a long drag from his cigarette before answering the rhetorical question, "You didn't complain at Sakura's engagement party."

The hand fell from her face, looking as though she had just been slapped across the face. Shikamaru knew he had gone too far.

"I was drunk and stupid, you fucking know-it-all slut."

The tone was quietly angry and Shikamaru knew that he wasn't going to be forgiven in a very long time. Whatever.

"So was I."

Ino shook her head and leaned back into her seat, refusing to look at his face and looking very close to tears.

"You know what, fuck it. This is _so_ not worth it. I don't want to deal with your bullshit anymore. Just, go fuck anything you want to and die alone. I'm done caring about you."

Shikamaru frowned, "Are you implying that I'm lonely?"

Ino ignored him and slid out of the booth her cup of sake forgotten on the wooden table.

"Whatever, I just don't care anymore."

Then she was gone. Shikamaru stared at the abandoned full cup of sake before downing the rest of his. He silently mulled over the conversation that just occurred and what Ino had just said. Shikamaru pulled a drag from his cigarette and blew the stream of smoke towards the empty spot across from him.

"Troublesome woman… She didn't even leave her part of the tab."

* * *

><p>Neji felt stupid. He seriously felt like a love sick school girl. Which was an absolutely appalling thought. He was obviously not in love.<p>

Nonetheless, he clutched the bag in his hand, the smell of freshly made food wafting up towards him as he walked towards his destination.

He hadn't really intended on making so much food. What with all the missions he's had and then finally having the time to cook, and making a slight miscalculation, it had just sort of happened. It had nothing to do with his teammates or any of his other acquaintances not being available to share all this food with. Or the fact that Shikamaru was a short distance away and on his day off.

He had never really been in the shadow nin's place. They always got together at Neji's place but never at Shikamaru's. Neji knew where he lived and all but had never been invited over. He really was quite curious.

But he still felt like a girl delivering a love letter to her crush. Which given all of the things they have done together, was just plain ridiculous. He didn't notice the strange looks he got by the other people on the street when a dazed glazed look fell over his face as he did an involuntary recount of all of the _things_ he and Shikamaru had done. When he did notice, it was when he was standing in the middle of the street staring stupidly at a cross sign and he could actually feel a little bit of drool starting to come out of the corner of his slack mouth. Glancing quickly away from an old lady giving him an odd look he discreetly tried to cover his face with his hair and kept walking.

* * *

><p>Shikamaru grinned against the harsh kiss ravishing his mouth as he was pressed down into the mattress. The feel of another man's cock sliding against his had him arching and rolling his hips upwards. Spreading his legs he grabbed onto a tan ass and urged the other man to move harder. The hot mouth moved away from his and latched onto his neck, making him hiss when sharp canines nipped his sensitive skin.<p>

A growl rumbled against his chest as he raked his nails down a muscular back.

"Fuck, Shikamaru, you are so damn sexy."

Shikamaru laughed breathlessly at the praise.

"Heh…You know what would be even sexier?"

"What?" The gruff voice was muffled against his collar bone.

"If you were to fuck me into the bed, Kiba."

The growl was wilder and fiercer than the first one. Shikamaru gasped as the Inuzuka bit down hard on his collar bone, a rough calloused hand grabbing his thigh and hiking it up around the dog tamer's hip. Shikamaru breathed hotly into Kiba's ear.

"You like that, don't you? Like the idea of fucking me so hard that I won't be able to get up in the morning. I want it. I want that thick cock of yours shoved into my tight ass."

Kiba groaned and his thrusts became slick with precum as Shikamaru's dirty talk only served to arouse him even more. Fumbling impatiently the short haired brunet reached over to his night stand grabbing the lube and condom.

Shikamaru hissed through his teeth as two fingers pushed roughly into his entrance. He spread his legs further apart, his knees framing the powerful torso hovering above him. Taking a hold of those long legs, Kiba moved them onto his shoulders and was granted even more access to that tight heavenly ass. Feeling as though things weren't going as fast as he wanted them to, Shikamaru took the condom and ripped it open.

Kiba cursed when a firm hand slid the latex down his throbbing erection. Finally ready Shikamaru laced his fingers into short coarse hair and pulled Kiba into a rough kiss, basically bending himself in half with his legs still propped up on those broad shoulders.

"Fuck me hard, Kiba."

* * *

><p>Neji glared at Shikamaru's door. He had knocked on it for what seemed like hours (it had only been three minutes) but it refused to open. He tried peering into the window but the curtains were securely drawn and he couldn't see any light on but that just might mean he was in his room or something.<p>

Impatient and annoyed Neji went for the next best solution. He activated his Byakugan. A sensory sweep of the apartment revealed that the apartment was indeed empty. Huffing in annoyance, Neji decided to extend the search radius following the chakra signature of who he was looking for. It didn't take long to locate Shikamaru.

His blood-limit was deactivated with a sharp gasp. Staring down at Shikamaru's welcome mat, Neji fought hard not to lose control.

It hadn't really surprised Neji what he had seen. He knew that Shikamaru was a notorious playboy. Lee himself had warned Neji on getting too attached. What surprised him was how much he _had_ gotten attached and how much it hurt to actually witness what he had always known.

He was going to kill Inuzuka. Everyone very well knew that the dog tamer was engaged to Hinata. Barely a week away from the wedding and Neji sees him doing…with…well, doing _that_. Neji was having trouble coming to terms with it.

Neji clenched his fists, before taking a deep breath. Ignoring the lump in his throat he carefully set the bag in front of Shi- the apartment door (god, he couldn't even bare to _think_ about him), before walking away. He pretended to not notice the slight trembling in his clenched fists.

* * *

><p>Kiba rolled over with a sated sigh. Shikamaru stretched his stiff limbs reveling in the satisfying ache left over from a deliciously good fuck. A few moments later he sat up and swung his legs onto the floor. He reached for his jacket and pulled out a pack of his favorite brand of cigarettes.<p>

Kiba rubbed a hand down his face and glanced over the hunched back that was Shikamaru's. A curling stream of smoke drifted towards the ceiling. His hair was unbound and streaking over his broad shoulders.

"You do realize that this is going to be the last time?"

Shikamaru looked at Kiba over his shoulder. He let out a long stream of smoke before smirking. He placed his unfinished cigarette onto the bedside table and crawled over to Kiba. The Inuzuka's eyes darkened with lust as the shadow nin slowly straddled his hips, that sexy smirk never leaving that face.

"Then I had better make it worth your while."

It was very late when Shikamaru hobbled tiredly to his apartment. He wanted nothing more in that moment to collapse onto his bed and sleep for a week. He blearily unlocked his door and swung it open. But he nearly lost an eye as he stumbled over a rustling thing sitting on his welcome mat.

Looking down he saw a plastic bag. It was dark but from what he could tell there was something square inside it. Not detecting any threats he picked it up and stumbled into his apartment. Absentmindedly setting the bag onto his small dining table he shrugged out of his jacket. Sniffing at himself, his nose wrinkled at the strong smell of sweat, smoke and sex.

"Fuck, I reek…"

Not really caring that he was standing in the middle of his living room he started to strip. He made his way towards his bathroom, leaving behind a trail of discarded clothing.

Nearly an hour later (he liked to take long showers) he walked out of the bathroom clean and refreshed. His stomach rumbled and wearing nothing but a towel around his waist made his way towards his kitchen. He paused as he passed by his dining table. The bag was still there. He had nearly forgotten about it.

Pushing aside the plastic bag it revealed a large finely crafted bento box. Opening it he immediately noticed the name engraved underneath the bamboo lid.

"Hyuuga Neji…"

* * *

><p>Neji was avoiding him. And acting more than a bit hostile towards him. It was hard not to tell when he nearly got his bowels rearranged when he tried to personally return the bento box. Even more confusing was his stand offish and aloof behavior after the impromptu attack.<p>

"Troublesome…" Was all he could say when he saw Kiba walk around with several bruises, dutifully avoided looking at him. He was glad though when he didn't receive any shit from Ino. Unfortunately the same couldn't be said for other people.

"Hey! No smoking allowed in here!"

Shikamaru scowled at the old man behind the ramen stand and grudgingly crushed his cigarette under his boot on the ground. Naruto snorted in his ramen.

"What are you laughing at, blondie?"

Naruto shook his head and grinned at his friend.

"You really got it bad, eh Shikamaru?"

Shikamaru glared at the blond.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Naruto raised a pale eyebrow at him.

"You mean you still don't know? Shit, and everyone calls _me_ the moron."

Shikamaru's scowl deepened as he could feel the head ache beginning to form.

"Get to the fucking point, Naruto."

Naruto leaned back and gave the Nara his 'fox look'. Shikamaru hated that look.

"You fell for the Hyuuga."

Shikamaru nearly choked on his own saliva and gave the blond a fierce look. Naruto threw up his hands defensively.

"Just saying, man. You sleep around a lot but I have never seen you go back so many times than with Neji. I'm not the only one who's noticed you going in and out of Neji's apartment."

Shikamaru's glare dropped as he thought grimly about the disastrous conversation he had with Ino a few days ago. Outwardly, he just shrugged.

"So? He's just a really good fuck. It doesn't mean anything else."

Naruto shook his head at Shikamaru in an annoyingly familiar way.

"Man, you're hopeless. Not everything is about sex you know."

"Of course not. I just choose to ignore anything that doesn't have anything to do with being a ninja, watching the clouds and fucking anything with legs."

Naruto grinned, blues eyes twinkling with amusement, "You just never learn, do you Nara?"

Shikamaru's eyes narrowed sharply with mischievousness and he leaned closely towards the blond.

"You're right, I don't. Someone should punish me."

* * *

><p>Neji looked at his cousin in disbelief.<p>

"You knew?"

Hinata fiddled with her tea cup, shifting nervously under the incredulous gaze of her cousin. Taking a deep breath she looked up.

"Y-yes, I knew. I-I always knew."

Neji almost looked shocked, "How did you find out?"

Hinata was fidgeting again, "Ki-Kiba-kun told me. He-he told me before he did anything wh-what he was going to do. We-we always t-tell each other e-everything."

Neji was at a loss for a moment, "But, haven't you done anything about it? If he's going to be cheating on you, you should leave him."

For a moment Hinata looked up with wide eyes before lowering her gaze.

"N-no, I couldn't. I c-can't leave him."

Neji was really not liking were the conversation was going.

"Why? Is he forcing you? Are you too afraid to leave? Did he _threaten _you? I swear, Hinata, if he has done anything to hurt you-"

Hinata looked horrified, "No! N-no, of-of course not! Kiba would never hurt me! He loves me."

"But, if he loves you, then why would he cheat on you?"

Hinata seemed to struggle a moment, "Be-because it doesn't mean anything."

Neji interrupted, "But of course it means something! He's been sleeping with other people behind your back!"

Hinata shook her head, "He would n-never go behind my back. He always t-talks to me about these things."

"I just don't get it. Why would you allow him to keep cheating on you if he tells you what he is doing?"

Hinata was looking a bit desperate and her soft voice picked up in volume, "P-please, j-just let me explain, Ne-Neji-niisan!"

Neji was about to speak up again but then closed his mouth when he saw the imploring look on his cousin's face.

Hinata took another deep breath, before bravely plowing on.

"K-Kiba-kun i-is bi-sexual. A-at first I thought he was gay," Her face turned bright red and Neji had to strain his ears when her voice became softer, "Be-because I caught him once in bed with a-another man. B-but that was before we started going out. Th-then he asked me out and that was how I found out that he-he-he-"

"Went both ways?" Neji supplied helpfully.

"Y-yes. At first I-I thought it wasn't going to work out. Even Kiba seemed a bit unsure. S-so, I-I-I…told him that he could be with other people if he wanted. H-he said that I was the only w-woman he ever wanted to b-be with and that he would only go after men. He t-told me that he would never take them seriously and th-that it would never m-mean anything."

Neji had to catch himself from gaping.

"You mean you gave him _permission_ to sleep with other people?"

Hinata blushed, "I-I knew th-that there were certain…needs th-that I would not be able to provide him with. I th-thought that it would be best if I gave him some freedom."

A thought suddenly dawned on Neji, "Wait, so you knew that either way he would have slept with other people regardless of what you said or did?"

Hinata was wringing her hands, "Pl-please, Neji-niisan. D-don't take it the wrong way. Kiba-kun has only been with a couple of men in our entire relationship. I-it's not as thou-though he-he sl-sleeps with e-everyone. He-he would never go that far. He loves me too much to do that kind of thing a-and he always makes it up to me. H-he always manages to find a way to sh-show me how much he loves me."

Hinata was obviously uncomfortable with the subject. Neji didn't blame her but he still felt obligated to know as a branch member and as her cousin.

"So, it really isn't that big of a deal?" Hinata nodded meekly and Neji pressed on, "But what are you going to do once you are married to him? Are you going to keep allowing him the same liberties?"

Hinata took a deep breath before looking up with a confidence that Neji ever rarely saw in his cousin.

"Kiba-kun promised me that when we got married he would never go back to men or women ever again. He said that because he-he wa-wanted i-it to mean something and that he could only ever do that with me. Because he loves me. He loves me more than anything and wants to spend the rest of his life with me."

The Hyuuga heiress was rarely ever able to speak with such confidence and Neji could tell that what she had said was genuine trust and love for the Inuzuka. Ignoring the pang of slight jealousy Neji came up with another question that had been bothering him.

"But that time with Shi- with _him_, did that mean anything? It happened just a couple of weeks from the wedding."

Hinata looked mildly amused with Neji's correction before answering, "It was Kibas last time with a man." Hinata smiled awkwardly and blushed, "I-I th-think i-it was his v-version of-of a ba-bachelor party."

Neji coughed to keep himself from choking. Composing himself he took a sip from his tea.

"Well, in any case if you think that I am going to apologize to Kiba for beating him into a pulp I am afraid that you will be severely disappointed. While I don't approve of what went on with your relationship," Hinata was about to protest but held her words when Neji held up a hand, "It is clear that the two of you are deeply in love and that Kiba wants nothing more than to make you happy for the rest of your lives. I can see nothing that should merit disrupting your upcoming wedding or otherwise cancelling it."

Hinata's smile was the definition of relieved, "Th-thank you Neji-niisan."

Neji just nodded and tended to his tea as a comfortable silence fell around the pair. Surprisingly it was Hinata who broke the silence.

"Have you talked to Shikamaru, yet?"

Neji had to stop himself from jumping at the unexpected mention of the shadow nin. He frowned at his cousin.

"Why would I want to talk to him?"

Hinata shrugged shyly and fiddled a bit with her hands.

"I-I just th-thought, that, a-after all that you t-two have gone through, y-you would want to t-talk with him."

There was a heavy pause as Neji tried to keep his composure together. It was harder to than he would have liked.

"I hadn't realized you knew about my involvement with Nara. Let me guess, Kiba told you?"

Recognizing that she was stepping onto thin ice, Hinata chose her words carefully.

"He-he might have men-mentioned something. B-but I-I didn't think anything of it until recently. Y-you weren't _t-too_ involved w-with him, w-were you?"

"Of course not. What would make you think that?"

Hinata seemed to be fascinated with the wood work of the table as she shrugged again.

"I-it j-just seemed as though you had b-been spending s-so much t-time with Shikamaru."

There was that name again. It almost worried him how numb it made him feel.

"It didn't mean anything, Hinata-neesama. You shouldn't concern yourself with such trivial matters."

He winced at the sight of her sad look directed at him, "Neji-niisan…"

He sighed in defeat and giving in mostly because of what he himself had just put Hinata through.

"I knew from the beginning that it was purely physical. I knew that he was only looking for a one night stand and so was I. But he kept coming back and I started seeing something in him that I probably shouldn't have. For one small moment I had hoped that he had changed and that I was the only person he was seeing. That he would leave behind old habits for me." _That he would see me as something more…_"It was stupid of me. I should not have let my expectations overcome my reasoning. I won't let that happen again." _It just hurt too much…_

Hinata reached out and placed her small hand over Neji's. He gripped onto it like a tether.

"I-I don't b-blame you Neji-niisan. It c-could have happened to anyone. I-it pr-probably has. Es-especially wi-with Shikamaru. Bu-but y-you shouldn't worry about that or him. You deserve better than that."

Neji's lips curled into a small wry smile, "I suppose you are right."

He drank some more tea in the hopes that it would chase the lump in his throat away.

* * *

><p>A large fluffy bunny floated through the wide blue expanse stretched over Shikamaru's reclining body. He tilted his head a bit and was able to decipher fifteen other forms hidden in the cloud. His body was completely still, perfectly in tune with the peaceful outdoors. Though internally, Shikamaru's mind was reeling and churning with Naruto's last parting words.<p>

"Naruto! Don't get near that! You don't know where it's been."

Shikamaru sighed, "Charming to see you too, Uchiha."

Naruto leaned back and grinned lewdly at his partner. Shikamaru just pulled out another cigarette.

"Maybe if you're willing, we could find out together."

Shikamaru snickered when the blond got a sharp glare and punch to the head in response.

"Come on moron, we're leaving."

"Yeah babe, hang on a sec."

Naruto turned back to Shikamaru as his volatile lover started to walk away.

"You should give Neji a chance. He actually might be worth the trouble."

Sasuke's voice snapped the blond's attention in the other direction, "Naruto!"

"Coming!" Naruto slapped a hand on Shikamaru's shoulder, "Think about it, man."

The blond ran off with his lover, leaving Shikamaru more confused than before.

A chance, eh? Shikamaru mulled over that over. Neji had plenty of qualities and most of them were the kind Shikamaru would look for if he were ever to bother himself with a serious relationship. Neji was a powerful shinobi, with enough intelligence to keep up with him. He wasn't loud or boisterous but rather held a refined posture that was always a joy to break down. It helped that the man was gorgeous as well. Shikamaru held a deep fascination with androgynous beautiful people. To him it was the ultimate beauty that existed.

But Shikamaru also had to take into consideration that they were both top rank ninja. They were constantly busy and their schedule would most likely clash considering that they worked in different sectors. He didn't think he could put aside his lifestyle just for one person. It wasn't worth the trouble. Especially with a shinobi's life expectancy. He already made a choice. And to him it was less painful when there was no attachment involved. He didn't need any more emotional baggage. He'd rather just keep the sex and try to forget everything else.

Because when he was up on that physical high, _everything else_ could just go to fucking hell.

* * *

><p>Neji never thought this sort of situation would be this uncomfortable for him. It had been much too long since he had ever gone on a date. He doesn't even remember the name of his date from back then. Fortunately, he made it an important point to learn his current date's name.<p>

Shunsuke Torii. That was his name. He had already asked Neji out several times in the past, but he had always said no. He had been too focused on Shikamaru to really take notice of anybody else. So, when Neji had actually said yes the next time, Torii looked every part the man who had not expected to get that far. Through a flushed stutter that Neji found a bit endearing, Shunsuke told him where they would meet and at what time.

The top rate restaurant was a pleasant surprise, the awkward silence not so much. Neji took of his food and looked at his date, who was nervously pushing his food around with his chopsticks. Putting down his own eating utensils, Neji wiped his mouth with his cloth napkin, before finally breaking the silence.

"I don't bite you know. At least, not until after the third date."

Torii looked up from his plate with a start and blushed.

"S-sorry, I guess I'm just a little nervous. I didn't think you'd actually agree to come on a date with me."

Neji smirked slightly, "I'm not that unapproachable, am I?"

Torii's laugh was slightly nervous, "Well, you are a Hyuuga."

Neji's gaze went down a couple of degrees, "What is that supposed to mean?"

The poor man hastily recovered from his slip, "Oh no, no! Don't take it the wrong way! It's just that you can be a bit intimidating."

Neji felt his indignation melt a bit with the sheepish look on Torii's face.

"Intimidating…?"

Catching on Torii smiled widely at him, "Yeah, I mean you have the best of the Hyuuga's power, you're considered the genius of your generation and…you're incredibly sexy."

Neji grinned as he picked at his food a bit. Maybe this wasn't going to be such a waste of time after all.

* * *

><p>The winding trails of smoke were hardly noticeable in the dark room. It would only appear occasionally under the effect of the flashing lights that were so common in clubs like these. Despite the chaotic ambiance Shikamaru could still clearly see the mass of bodies writhing and grinding together in synch with the pounding electric music that had the hairs on his arms stand on end.<p>

Looking down the glowing ember of his cigarette stuck in his mouth he saw several people stare at him and his company. Hissing around the filter he shifted his hips to better accommodate the person kneeling between his legs and deep throating his exposed cock.

He had been dancing with the chick wearing the slutty dress for no more than five minutes before she had pulled him over to one of the many lounge seats placed randomly around the club. She obviously wasn't very bright, but she did certainly know how to suck cock. As for himself, he quite enjoyed watching himself slide in and out those pink plush lips stretched tightly around his cock.

Though, it really wasn't that type of club. In fact this sort of thing happened _after_ leaving the club, but Shikamaru wasn't about to complain about this spontaneous exhibitionist act. But that waiter heading their way most likely was.

"I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

Shikamaru gave a regarding look at the intruder. The waiter looked to be around eighteen and twenty was lean and fit under the club uniform and had quite the pleasing face. Taking one last hit from his cigarette he flicked the ash in the waiter's direction and put it out on the plush white leather seat he was sitting on.

"Sir, you really need to-"

In a move too fast for the waiter to see, Shikamaru grabbed the waiter's collar and pulled him down so that he could speak directly into the man's ear.

"I have a better idea," his voice was rough with smoke and arousal and he could feel the waiter shiver, "We'll leave, but only if you join us."

The boy sputtered and tried to get out of the ninja's grip but Shikamaru hooked a hand around the nape of the waiter's neck.

"S-sir, th-that-" He stuttered incoherently when Shikamaru nipped his ear lobe before soothing the hurt with a small lick.

"Come on, don't you want a piece of _that_?"

The waiter's breath hitched against his cheek when he nudged the boy's face to look down. Bent at the waist over the couple the waiter could clearly see just about every detail of what the slutty chick was doing to Shikamaru's cock with her mouth.

Shikamaru's thumb caressed the small hairs on the back of the boy's neck as he started to suck gently on a delicious neck. His other hand reached down to tangle into long curly hair and pushed the girls head down. He was swallowed down greedily. Fuck, he was really beginning to like the chicks mouth. The waiter was gripping the back of the low seat hard as Shikamaru started to fuck the girl's mouth with long hard thrusts of his hips.

He groaned against the waiter's rapid pulse as he felt orgasm begin to rise from his groin. Releasing his hold from the girls head he grabbed the boy's chin and slid his tongue into the other man's mouth. The boy's response was a succulent moan and eager sucks on his tongue. He moaned deep and loud into the waiter's mouth as he came in the girl's mouth. The boy whimpered and shuddered hard against him and Shikamaru wondered for a bit if he had come in his pants.

The girl pulled away from his cock and spat onto the floor wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. Shikamaru ignored her and brushed his lips against the waiter's panting mouth.

"So, what will it be? Are you coming or not?"

There was a brief pause as the waiter struggled to gain coherency. When he did he nodded and Shikamaru smirked.

"But only if we ditch her."

* * *

><p>The kiss was short, chaste and sweet. Neji reveled in the moment. He had never taken things slow before and he had never thought that it would ever feel this nice. Torii was truly a charming guy. Once he had gotten over his initial shyness they talked about everything and Neji really enjoyed that. Just…talking. No other expectations. Just joyful and intriguing conversation.<p>

After that first kiss, they both went their own way. Right back to their own homes and beds.

**TBC**

**Author's note the second: Well then...I know that at least half the people who made it this far have their jaw hanging wide open, heh n_n'. Believe it or not this fic was basically inspired by real people that I know that have similiar lifestyles as Shikamaru. If any of you have questions that don't have anything to do with the plot ('cuz I know some of you will) then by all means ask away and I'll do my best to answer them. I apologize for any typo's/grammar errors made. I don't have a beta and I usually just skim over my work when checking it. Though, this fic is quite special to me, and I love breaking stereotypes and throwing it into peoples faces. So, if any of you were offended, go to hell and stop reading. If you're masochistic like me and enjoyed this fic anyways, more power to you. That said, REVIEW!**


	2. Mad World

**Warnings: **The shit hitting the proverbial fan, ladies and gentlemen. There is major angst and drama and not that much smut. Also there is a little bit of violence and gore. Enjoy!

**CHAPTER TWO: MAD WORLD**

_They always accepted him with open arms. Shikamaru would watch the expression on his father's face brighten when he let him into his childhood home. Even his bipolar mother would smile warmly at their guest and exchange sincere pleasantries. Then he would turn to Shikamaru and he would feel fear that no six year old should ever have to._

_The first time the man had come into their home, he had been introduced to Shikamaru as his Uncle Hiro. Later in his teenage life, he would find out that he was actually just an old and dear friend of his fathers. It just left him feeling more betrayed than before._

_He had hidden behind his mother that first time, always having been a very shy child. His father wouldn't have any of that. He managed to coax him forward and proudly introduce his first born to the newcomer. Shikamaru would never forget the look in the man's eyes as they shook hands. For the rest of the visit 'Uncle Hiro's' attention was directed solely on Shikamaru. He had even offered to babysit and take him out to the park whenever his parents would go out on missions. His parents were thrilled with the offer. They were thrilled that there was someone trustworthy and reliable to take care of their precious son. _

_It would have worked out perfectly. They would have had absolutely nothing to worry about. If it weren't for the hungry and eager look in the man's cold eyes that he fixated on Shikamaru as his parents accepted his offer enthusiastically, some things might have never changed. Unfortunately, the only one who had noticed couldn't understand any of it nor would he be able to predict the damage that one look could cause. He was just a six year old with busy parents trying to provide him with the life that they wanted for him._

* * *

><p>Shikamaru woke from his fitful sleep with a start. He couldn't remember what his dream was about. He could only identify small snippets that when cobbled together in his sub conscious made no sense what so ever. Deciding that it wasn't worth it he let it go and proceeded onto the task of trying to identify his current surroundings. He hadn't drunken that much and was quite the heavy weight drinker anyways, so it didn't take long for him to recognize that he was not in his own apartment.<p>

The mattress underneath him was too soft and there was a disturbing amount of pink on the walls and dressers and pretty much everywhere he looked. Well, at least it's better than waking up in a motherfucking BDSM dungeon. The next task in order was trying to get out. This was a bit challenging, considering there was, not one, not two, but _three_ sets of limbs clinging to him. How big was this bed anyways?

Nearly falling flat on his face more than a couple of times, Shikamaru managed to wrestle his way out of the overcrowded bed. It took him nearly ten minutes to find his clothes among a colorful myriad of skimpy thongs, mini-skirts, bras and some other things his mind refused to process. Turning to look at the bed he was able to make out a blond, brunet and…a redhead. Awesome. He scored the full set.

Smirking to himself as he pulled on his clothes he chanced a quick look at the gaudy digital clock on the nightstand. The smirk was wiped clean when he realized he had less than twenty minutes to report at the Hokage Tower. Tsunade had scheduled to meet with him so that she could assign him an s-ranked mission. Oh, joy.

Not even bothering to respond to the redhead that suddenly woke up and told him to get back in bed, Shikamaru disappeared through the window.

"You're late."

Shikamaru shrugged and didn't bother to comment that he had only been six minutes late. It would just seem petty and he had no intention of staying in the Hokage's office longer than he had to.

"What's my assignment?"

Tsunade scoffed lightly from behind her clasped hands. Sighing she took up one of the many folders littering her desk and opened it.

She skimmed over the contents as she spoke, "Actually I'd like to ask you a few questions before I tell you the details of your mission."

Shikamaru sighed and ran a hand through his ponytail, ruffling it a bit before slumping in his chair and looking at his Hokage.

"Well, let's get this over with."

* * *

><p>It had been barely two minutes after crashing onto his couch that there was a knock on Neji's apartment door. Groaning he rolled off of the heavenly cushions and dragged his feet to his door. Though he was much more enthusiastic in opening the door after having looked into the peep hole and finding out who was on the other side.<p>

Shunsuke smiled brightly at him and held up a plastic bag, "I brought sushi!"

Neji sighed and leaned forward to rest his forehead against Torii's broad chest.

"You have no idea how good it is to see you again."

A warm hand threaded itself through his thick hair and Neji wrapped his arms around the welcoming waist.

"Tough mission?"

Torii smiled when all he got was incoherent grumbling against his chest.

"Come on lets go inside so we can eat and take a long nap."

Neji sighed and let himself be steered back into his apartment.

* * *

><p>Shikamaru struggled to keep his lax posture as he stared at the profile picture presented to him. The mug shot was recent but he would be able to recognize those eyes from anywhere. Those same eyes that had marked the end of his innocence at such a young age. He could vaguely hear Tsunade's voice ask him a question through the white noise ringing in his ears and he did his best to respond coherently. He swallowed thickly to keep the bile from rising up and did his best to sound sane when he spoke.<p>

"Is he the target?"

Tsunade nodded before continuing, "We have already confirmed that he is the one leading the human trafficking between the Fire and Wind borders. A couple of cargos had been seized and we were able to get one of his customers into custody. "

Shikamaru nodded before closing the profile folder and dropping it down on his lap.

"Has he talked yet?"

"Yes. He was the one who told us who was leading the human trafficking operations and the location of his operating base."

"Oh yeah? And where would that be?"

"That information will be disclosed to you after you answer my questions."

Shikamaru was immediately on guard but did his best to keep his composure. He nodded to his Hokage and she took that as the sign to proceed.

"Do you have any personal connections with Masahiro Tojiro?"

Shikamaru had always admired the Hokage's direct handling of matters…

"Yes, except I didn't know him by that name. I was just told to call him 'Uncle Hiro'"

"But he is in no way related to you or any member of your family?" Shikamaru shook his head, "Then how is that you came to associate with him?"

Shikamaru took a deep breath before answering, "He was a friend of my fathers. They went to the Academy together before he dropped out. They hadn't talked for a long time after my dad graduated but when I was roughly six they started hanging out again. He would come over to my parent's house for almost two years before he just disappeared again."

"So you are confirming that your father and Tojiro used to be friends?"

Shikamaru nodded. "Yeah… have you already talked with my father?"

"Yes, he is aware of the situation."

Fuck. Shikamaru didn't get his genius status from sleeping during class in the Academy. He knew that it was only a matter of time before Shikaku connected the dots. He nodded again at Tsunade and tried not to tense too visibly when the Hokage seemed to carefully consider her next question.

"I only have one more question. Will your connection with the target affect your judgment in the completion of this mission?"

If the bastard was the target, then no, no there wouldn't be a problem with him being able to complete the mission.

"No, I barely knew him." Was what he had told his Hokage instead.

Tsunade seemed to relax and she even let a small smile turn up her lips for a moment before getting serious again.

"Good, because I need you to lead this mission. We are going to need the best strategy to bring this man and his entire organization down and I know you are more than capable of handling this."

Shikamaru remained silent and Tsunade didn't hesitate to continue.

"That said…Let's get started."

* * *

><p>Neji groaned as those heavenly hands kneaded the kinks out of his tense back. He sighed against the soft sheets when warm lips began to lightly caress his bare shoulder and worked their way down his spine as firm hands worked at his lower back.<p>

"Mmmm…don't you dare stop…"

A shiver went down the Hyuuga's back when he felt warm breath blow against his air.

"I wasn't planning to babe."

Neji's heart began to race when he felt those same large hands begin to roll against the firm flesh of his buttocks. His cheeks were gently pried apart baring him to his lover and Shunsuke moaned at the sight. The sheets shuffle underneath him when Shunsuke shifted down lower so that he was kneeling between long spread legs.

Neji bit his lip when warm oil was poured over the back of his thighs and hummed lowly when those hands began to spread the thick liquid over his sensitive skin. Shunsuke gave his ass a teasing squeeze before running them back down to his thighs and continued the massage working his way languidly towards his calves.

The massage seemed to go on for hours. Shunsuke worked the oil over every surface of creamy pale skin that stretched over Neji's gorgeous body. Except for where it mattered most. Neji thought he would go mad with lust when the other man rubbed his thumbs in firm circles over the soles of his feet. Shunsuke was able to find every one of his erogenous spots and take gleeful pleasure in thoroughly abusing that knowledge.

Neji couldn't complain much, considering he was being turned into a moaning pile of goo. Even when Shunsuke turned him onto his back, worked every muscle group into putty but completely ignored the hard dick standing proudly on his body.

When Shunsuke finally enclosed his dick with his mouth, Neji thought he was going to pass out. Instead he screamed when he finally got the pleasure his body had desperately yearned for after being so deliciously teased by those magnificent hands.

Neji bucked and writhed sinuously under the older man and spread his legs and keened loudly when slick fingers pressed into him. His relaxed body took Shunsuke in easily and with hardly any protest. It, didn't take long before Neji was begging to be taken.

"O-oh, god! F-fuck me!"

Shunsuke leaned in and whispered softly into his ear.

"I'd much rather make love to you."

* * *

><p>Shikaku watched the hot water swirl as he poured it into his cup. Once it was full he stared at the small wisps of froth formed in the tea when agitated as it whirled and settled. He could make out a blurry and unsteady reflection of him and his surrounding within the murky liquid. He curled his fingers around the cup and sighing through his nose, he tightened them around the ceramic with the inhale and relaxing when he exhaled.<p>

"I didn't think you would come."

Where a moment before there was no one, the outdoor entryway to the kitchen was suddenly occupied by Shikaku's only son. Shikamaru leaned casually against the door frame and gave his father's back a blank look.

"I wanted to get it over with."

It would have been stupid to ask if he knew beforehand what the topic of their conversation was going to be. It was never easy having a genius son, even if Shikaku had his own over the top IQ to talk about.

"When did it start?"

Shikaku heard the characteristic sound of a cigarette being lit up and he knew right then that he wasn't going to get a straight answer.

"When did 'what' start?"

"You know what I am talking about, Shikamaru."

Shikamaru took a long drag from his smoke, "You just don't want to say it then."

Shikaku slammed a fist onto the kitchen counter, already stressed and on edge by his assumptions.

"Damnit, Shikamaru! I am not playing games with you!"

He whirled around and faced his apathetic son. He swallowed and tried to calm down a bit before continuing.

"I want to know if that man ever did anything to you."

Shikamaru crossed an arm across his torso, gripping the upper arm of the hand holding the cigarette. He gazed at the floor as he responded.

"Why would 'Uncle Hiro' do anything to me?"

Shikaku struggled to keep his temper in check. His self-loathing increased when he was reminded just how far he had let that man come into their lives.

"He is being targeted for kidnapping and trafficking young children between the ages of 6 and 12 so they could be sold for sex in brothels. Some of the victims rescued from crossing the borders showed signs of rape and abuse. The DNA recovered from the victims was traced back to Tojiro. You really expect me to believe that he never touched you all those times you were alone with him?"

Shikamaru's jaw was clenched and the grip he had on his arm tightened. When he failed to respond, Shikaku felt his patience wear thin.

"Shikamaru! Answer me!"

"What do you care?"

The mood in the kitchen plummeted, the ringing silence only served to echo Shikamaru's words loudly in Shikaku's mind. His eyes were wide with shock as he looked at his son who stood with his feet apart, fists clenched and crushed cigarette smoldering beside his foot. It was the heated glare that had Shikaku riveted on the spot.

"Shika-"

"You _never_ cared before! You never _once_ tried to stop what was going on!"

"I didn't even know-"

"How could you have _not _known? It was happening right under your nose! Right under your own fucking roof! How the _fuck_ could you have not _noticed_?"

Shikaku didn't have an answer. There was nothing he could have said that could have made it any better either. Shikaku had never felt so helpless before and he loathed it. He took a hesitant step forward and he felt his heart seize with dismay when his son tensed as though readying himself for fight or flight.

"Shikamaru, please, I don't-"

Shikaku stopped when his son just scoffed and crossed his arms over his chest. His closed off expression spoke volumes to the Nara patriarch.

"Whatever, it doesn't matter anymore. It was a long time ago."

And Shikaku knew from that point on he wasn't going to get any further. He had barely made any progress to begin with. Swallowing down his frustration he steadied his voice before saying anything.

"I am going to have to bring this up to Tsunade-sama."

Shikamaru's head jerked around and he looked at his father with wide eyes.

"What?"

"I know that Hokage-sama put you on the human trafficking case, but I can't let you continue if it's all for personal interest. It wouldn't be right and it could affect your judgment."

"Affect my- What the hell would you know? ! I defeated Hidan, didn't I? ! I buried that motherfucker and I would be _bullshitting_ myself to think that it wasn't for personal interest! Don't tell me what I can or can't do! This has nothing to do with you!"

"You are my son! It has _everything_ to do with me!"

"Don't! _Don't_ fucking pretend that you're trying to protect me! It's too late for that now and you know that! I am going on this mission and _so_ fucking _what_ if it's out of personal interest. That motherfucker _deserves_ it after all that he has done!"

"And I agree with you! But I still don't think you should go! This is nothing like with Hidan. This goes a lot deeper than that and _you_ know that. You really think executing him yourself is going to make everything better? That it will make all of your problems go away? You are smarter than that, Shikamaru. I know you are."

Shikamaru fell silent bowing his head down and shoving his fists into his pockets. Shikaku was not blind. He was well aware what his son did on his own time. Once, he had heard a ninja loudly brag about having "scored with that little Nara's sweet ass" at a local bar and Shikaku had not hesitated to punch him hard across the jaw. Shikaku had never been in a bar fight before, but the man's words had affected him so deeply that he had reacted without thinking.

But he never had the courage to confront Shikamaru. Because a shadowed part of him that never wanted to admit the truth was afraid of his son. Was afraid of having to confront what his baby boy had become and all the ugly reasoning that came with it. He had been a coward and now he was paying for it dearly.

"I am only trying to do what's best for you, son."

Shikamaru scoffed at his father.

"I can take care of myself." Shikaku knew that. He had no doubt in his mind about that. But that didn't stop him from wishing that he could have been there for Shikamaru when he most needed him.

"Fine. I will not go to Tsunade-sama," Because really? Since when had he been able to deny his only son anything? "But on one condition."

Shikamaru's face was blank again and Shikaku had to choose his next words _very_ carefully.

"I will keep my silence and not get in the way of your mission but I will have you carefully watched." Shikaku could tell that his son wanted to protest but thankfully he held his tongue, "And the minute you step back into this village after having completed this mission you will be sent straight to counseling, in whatever condition you may be in and without excuse. Do I make myself clear?"

The muscles in Shikamaru's jaw jumped with tension and he struggled to keep his temper in check. It had been a very long time since he had had that problem.

"Yes, sir." He spat.

Before he could say anything else Shikaku's son disappeared from his kitchen. Shikaku could only hope that he had done the right thing.

* * *

><p>"You are going to be gone for how long?"<p>

Shunsuke sighed and continued to pack his things.

"I am not sure. In the briefing we were told that it could take anywhere from two weeks to four to five months."

When he turned to look at his white eyed lover and saw the unhappy frown, he sighed again.

"It's a really important mission, Neji-koi. We are going to tear down one of the biggest and most notorious human trafficking gigs of all the nations. It would put a very large dent in the illegal system of prostitution and slavery."

Neji pouted, "But why does it have to be you?"

Shunsuke smiled fondly at his lover before striding over to the Hyuuga and pulled him against his chest in a warm embrace.

"I was handpicked by the leading jounin on this mission and because the mission is being monitored by the Hokage herself, I don't have much of a choice. I'm just going to be put on the back up units. It shouldn't be too dangerous."

Neji frowned and lifted his head from the other man's broad chest to look up at this lover.

"Who is the jounin leading the mission?"

"Umm, I think he is a Nara," Neji's blood ran cold, "Aam…I think his name started with an 'S'…"

"…Shikamaru?"

"Yeah! That's the one! Do you know him?"

"He's just…an acquaintance. We went on a couple of missions before."

"Oh. He seems really young to be leading a really important mission. He must be one of those genius types."

Neji tightened his arms around Shunsuke and buried his face into that warm chest.

"Yeah…"

* * *

><p>"Shikamaru-kun. It's been a long time."<p>

The Nara continued to whirl the kunai around his finger, his expression not changing from where he was sitting behind the rusty metal desk, reclined in an uncomfortable chair, his feet crossed on top of the desk.

"Do you think so? I haven't noticed much. It only seemed like yesterday when you were using me as your own depraved little toy, ne, '_Uncle Hiro'_?"

For a man cornered into his personal office and trapped with a volatile top rank ninja, Masahiro Tojiro seemed quite calm. But the slight tremor in his hands, the thin sheen of sweat on his forehead and the occasional tiny flinch when the chaos outside would rise in volume, gave him away to Shikamaru. Good, he wanted the piece of shit to be afraid. The dead man standing before him chuckled nervously and shook his head.

"You have really grown, Shikamaru-kun. You didn't used to be this bold. Before, you would have barely put up a fight."

Before he could take another breath, Masahiro Tojiro was restricted. His eyes widened in panic and looking down at himself he could see the distinctive shadow jutsu winding around his limbs. A sharp jolt slammed him against the door from whence the binding shadows came from. Shikamaru was suddenly very close. Tojiro felt the color drain from his face as he was locked into a dark gaze. He could almost taste the festering anger and hate radiating from those deep eyes.

His breathing became short and panicky when a sharp blade traced the contour of his jaw. He swallowed nervously.

"Y-you gonna kill me?" He stuttered.

Shikamaru didn't answer and pressed the point of his kunai under the criminals chin drawing a drop of blood.

Tojiro smirked nervously, "Y-you wouldn't kill me, now would you, Shikamaru-kun? We have a history together, remember? You wouldn't want to destroy that, right?"

Shikamaru's voice was a low and dark rasp that even he didn't recognize, "I want to burn it."

Tojiro was nearly pissing himself by now. He started to struggle in panic when he felt the shadows creep restlessly over his skin, constricting and searching for his vital points. He gasped in pain when the sharp edges of the jutsu began to break into his skin.

"C-come on! You can't kill me! I showed you so many new things didn't I?" The shadows started tearing its way slowly under his flesh, "All I did was love you! I showed you love!"

Tojiro started to scream when the shadows began to tear at his muscle tissue agonizingly slow. A dark tentacle of angry shadow roped itself around his neck. But instead of choking it just held itself there, tight and uncomfortable, but nothing compared to the poignant agony ripping through him.

"NO! PLEASE!"

A stinging slap across his face stood out against the pain in the rest of his body. Dark eyes sharp with hate and anger glared angrily at him. Shikamaru grabbed the hair on the back of his past tormentor's head and yanked it painfully back.

"Why the fuck should I listen to you? You don't deserve to live. You traffic and abuse little children and you got off on raping me. You deserve to be torn apart limb by limb."

"N-no! I-I saved th-those children! I-I gave them be-better lives! GAH! I gave them ho-homes w-were th-they would b-be tr-truly loved!" Tojiro could hardly speak between gasps and cries of pain. But the condemned man's words rang loud and clear in Shikamaru's mind. The Nara bowed his head until all that was visible to Tojiro was his heavily hooded eyes. Shockingly, the shadows stopped their painful probing and loosened by a small fraction.

"What would you know about love? You have no soul."

Tojiro continued to plead as a tiny ray of hope broke onto his face, "B-but I saved them! I saved them from poverty stricken homes. I took them to places where they would get to live in luxury and receive three meals a day. They would get a solid roof over their heads! I was only trying to help!"

Shikamaru snarled, "By selling them as sex slaves!"

Tojiro shook his head rapidly in a slight panic, "No! Not at all! They were _employed_ to keep clients company, s-so that they can be properly loved! So that the client could find what they have always been looking for! Someone to love! That's all!"

Shikamaru's hands were shaking, "That's it? You were doing this out of _love_?"

Tojiro smiled nervously, "O-of course."

The black anger was back and the shadows restarted their restless torture.

"Then why did you hurt me! If you loved me, then _why_ _did_ _it_ _have_ _to_ _hurt_ _so_ _much_?"

Fear rolled sickeningly back into Tojiro as he tried to explain, "I-I never, _n-never_, wanted to hurt you! I j-just loved you _so much!_ I-I j-just wanted to love you!"

Shikamaru slammed his palm against the door behind the criminal and screamed in anguish, trying to drown out the sound of those words.

"_NO! SHUT THE FUCK UP! YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING! I HATE YOU! I FUCKING HATE YOU!"_

Beneath the sound of tearing flesh, agonized sobs and pleas and breaking bones, Shikamaru could hear the sorry excuse of a man repeat '_I'm sorry'_ over and over again.

* * *

><p>The nurse at the reception desk was giving him and odd look. He didn't blame her. It was unusual to see a man walk into a hospital and sit down in the waiting area for no apparent reason. Maybe Shikaku was only being paranoid, but he couldn't be too sure. He had decided that it was best to be there for when the time came. He mostly made up his mind when his informant keeping tabs on Shikamaru informed him that they were going to move in for the kill. In his line of work one could never be too precautious.<p>

He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, clasping them in front of him to keep the trembling at bay. He felt sick every time he tried to predict all of the possible outcomes. So he stopped. Or at least he tried to. The worry was eating him alive.

After an hour of painful worrying, it finally happened. The glass doors burst open and all Shikaku could see was the limp figure of his only son hanging between his two comrades. In a second he was beside Shikamaru, badly alarmed when he seemed to be completely unconscious.

"What happened to him?"

The shinobi who he had assigned as the informant answered him, "Don't worry, he's has no serious injuries. He's just…sedated."

"Sedated?"

The shinobi looked uncomfortable, "He, um…He had a psychotic break. Or at least we think so."

The cold feeling of dread left Shikaku breathless. "Y-you, think so?"

The man frowned, "Well, he most likely did, co-considering…" A dark shadow passed over his face.

Shikaku scowled, "Considering…what?"

"Masahiro's body. The way he left it was…alarming."

Shikaku could only stare with wide eyes. He looked back down at his son. Shikamaru was stained head to toe with blood and yet there wasn't a single scratch on his body. One of the shinobi was talking to Shikaku but he could hardly hear him through the numb shock.

"Nara-san? We are going to take him to the psych ward. Does that sound like a good idea?"

Snapping out of it, Shikaku looked up and nodded. The shinobi nodded his head grimly and proceeded to drag the unconscious Shikamaru down the hall towards the psych ward.

Looking down, Shikaku saw a smear of blood stand out in sharp contrast against the bone white floor of the hospital. He felt like throwing up.

* * *

><p>"Hyuuga Neji?"<p>

Neji looked up from the table he was sitting at in the ninja lounge at the Hokage tower. He was just finishing up a report when he was interrupted.

"Yes?"

The chuunin that had addressed him bowed before proceeding, "I am here to inform you about Shunsuke Torii. You were listed as his only known contact."

The color drained from Neji's face. He knew. He knew before the chuunin showed him the stained hitai ate. He knew before he was given an explanation about a successful mission and the one casualty that had come out of it. He just…knew.

"I am so sorry for your loss."

**TBC**

* * *

><p>Uh...Ta-da...? *crickets chirping* -_-'<p>

**Author's note!: **Oh, god. Sooo much going on here. Looking back, I could have probably left this as a one shot, buuut where's the fun in that? XD This chapter isn't as long as the first one but whatever. I am more concerned about the transition. If it seems too rushed and random, I am so sorry! , REVIEW! I need opinions and feedback so I know where I am failing and what needs improving. You would be helping so much. Thank you! Hasta luego! n_n


	3. When the Levee Breaks

**WARNINGS: Implied violence, mild gore, more mentioned rape and abuse, drug and alcohol abuse, and sex. Quite a bit of sex...**

CHAPTER THREE: When the Levee Breaks

The dark room was permeated with the sound of sex. High keening moans, skin slapping against bare skin, the steady thumping of a bed frame against the wall. The smell of it was heavy and thick and he was breathing in it, living off of it. That decadent scent that made him forget…

Shikamaru hovered over this writhing body that responded so beautifully to his every movement. All he could see was a slim pale back, androgynous and beautiful as it undulated under him. He was pushing harder and harder as he reached that edge of bliss. He grazed his fingertips down the sweat slicked flesh tracing down a long lean thigh, before bracing himself on the mattress again.

The sheets were damp with bodily fluids, but Shikamaru paid it no mind. He was very close and he leaned his weight forward as his thrusts became long and brutally hard making his bed partner cry out. He was pressing his swollen lips against a sweaty nape when he felt the moisture on the sheets tickle the back of his hand. He was breathing harshly and his entire body strained itself towards release. He groaned and then cried out huskily when he finally climaxed, his lean body shuddering with pleasure in the cool darkness of the room.

Gasping he tumbled forward barely catching himself from crushing the slim body underneath him. His partner was very still and Shikamaru grinned at himself at the thought that maybe he had worn them out into unconsciousness.

"Finished already? I could have gone for another round."

It was while he was kissing the warm flesh on display for him, that he finally took note of the excessive moisture soaking the sheets. With a frown, he moved his hand around to discover a large puddle of the warm slightly viscous fluid. Confused he pulled away to bring his hand close to his face to try to make out the mysterious liquid in the darkness.

It was like a haze was lifted from the young genius' mind. His eyes widened in horror at the sight of his hand drenched in red blood that seemed to glow viciously in the dark. With a startled cry he scrambled away from the prone body, the sheets and mattress squelching horribly under him as he moved off of the bed.

His back hit the wall and he slid down, shaking uncontrollably. He didn't want to, but he looked down at his naked body and whimpered at the sight of his tan skin smeared with blood. When he looked back at the bed, all he could see was the lifeless and naked body on its stomach. By some unseen force the head was turned slowly around. Shikamaru's skin crawled with horror when he was presented with his pale and lifeless exact mirror image. He nearly shook the walls of his hospital room when he woke from his nightmare screaming.

* * *

><p>The hollow echo of footsteps reverberating off of the sterile walls of the long hall was all that could be heard as Tsunade was lead to the morgue. The cold air chilled her to the bone when they arrived at the room full of death. There were several examination tables and quite a few of them were occupied.<p>

Her attention, however, was brought to one of the cold metal tables by the head medical examiner. Laying on it was a thick black bag.

She turned to the M.E., "Is this the one?" She couldn't help but notice the blood seeping from the seams of the bag.

The M.E., a short and slightly corpulent man, nodded nervously, before approaching the table. He hesitated for a few moments before grabbing the heavy zipper and pulling it down.

The smell was the first impact. It was a smell Tsunade was very familiar with. It was the smell of death and mutilation. Except that it was stronger than she had ever remembered it to be. Fighting against old phobias and fears, she stepped towards the examination table and leaned cautiously to peer into the exposed remains. She immediately felt the bile rise into her throat.

There was absolutely no recognizable body to speak of. If it weren't for her trust in her shinobi in targeting the right man and the possibilities that DNA testing brought, there would have been no other way to identify the body as Masahiro Tojiro. It looked as though he had been turned inside out. It was worse than looking at roadkill.

With disgust twisting her features she turned away from the table and the M.E. hastily zipped the body bag closed again. Crossing her arms and chewing on her thumb she took a moment to gather her thoughts before addressing the M.E. again.

"What were you able to determine with the, um…autopsy?"

Without missing a beat the medical examiner relayed his findings.

"Eh, we were able to determine the order of the damage. His skin had been peeled away first, starting top from bottom. After that, every bone in his body had been fractured or otherwise snapped into pieces. Then, the internal organs were destroyed or likely damaged one by one. Your assassin started out with less important organs and then worked his way up from there. He was obviously looking for the most efficient and _extreme_ form of torture before dealing out the killing blow. That makes the kill personal. Whoever did this had a serious bone to pick with this man. Literally."

Tsunade struggled not to gag.

* * *

><p>"I need to talk to him."<p>

Chouji didn't dare to move. He was sort of afraid that something unusual might happen. Like, he might get hit by a flying porcupine or something. It wouldn't have surprised him considering that it was a very rare occurrence to find Hyuuga Neji on his doorstep. He didn't think the other ninja even knew where he lived.

"Uh, who?" Was his intelligent response.

Neji huffed impatiently and Chouji raised an eyebrow.

"Shikamaru." He stated with more impatience. Then he stopped talking as if Chouji knew all the answers to the world. Chouji could only give him a blank look.

Annoyed, Neji moved on to elaborate. "I need to talk to Shikamaru."

Good. They were finally making progress. Just give them a few more hundred years and they'll start talking in full sentences.

Chouji nodded slowly, "Oh, well, that is…nice to know."

Not being able to contain his irritation anymore Neji blurted, "Well? Where can I find him?"

"Oh, I'm sure he is somewhere around here in the village."

"Chouji!"

Well, so much for stalling. Chouji sighed in defeat.

"Look, I really can't give you any details, because I'm not so sure on the details myself. But, last I heard he was being taken to the hospital."

Neji nearly panicked, "What? Why?"

"All I know is that when I went to visit him, they wouldn't let me see him because he is being held in the psychiatric ward. When I asked, they told me it was because he suffered some sort of mental breakdown or whatever and that he wasn't allowed any visitors until he was more 'emotionally stable'."

Neji paled, "But how…?"

Chouji shrugged, shaking his head a bit, just as troubled over his friend's condition as Neji was.

"I dunno, Neji. All, I can tell you is that it had something to do with that s-ranked mission he was leading just recently. Something to do with taking down a human trafficking organization. Apparently it affected him bad enough to land him a bed in the psych wing."

Neji's frowned, "Shit."

Chouji nodded grimly, "Yeah, I know."

* * *

><p>Shikamaru had begun to rouse from a dreamless drugged sleep. He warily opened his eyes, quickly adapting to the dim lighting in the room. He sat up slowly and then instinctively pressed the heel of his palm against his eyes as a sharp pain seared through his head.<p>

"Shikamaru?"

Carefully squinting and clenching his teeth he turned his head and was barely able to make out through the blinding whites spots in his vision a figure rising from the chair next to his bed.

"D-dad?"

Shikaku carefully sat down on the edge of his son's bed.

"How are you feeling?"

Shikamaru squeezed his eyes when he felt another lance of pain pierce through his head. Ignoring his father's question he leaned back into his pillows.

"What the hell happened?"

"You were sedated. Do…do you remember anything?"

Shikamaru's jaw tightened. Remember? Remember all of those fucking horrors? Of course, he remembered everything. He really wasn't that lucky. If he were to close his eyes all he would see was the violent spray of blood and hear the screams echoing in his mind like a broken record. But he didn't want to remember. He didn't want to be haunted by this. It was supposed to all go away. He shouldn't feel like this anymore. As though, he was tainted, dirty, marred and disfigured. He felt so fucking ugly and disgusting. This wasn't supposed to be happening. He wasn't supposed to be feeling like this anymore. He hadn't wanted to feel like this in the first place.

His hands started to shake in his lap and wouldn't stop their trembling when he pressed the heels of his hands to his forehead. His breath was hitching and he started to feel dizzy. Shikaku could tell something was wrong. He had never seen his laid back son this tormented before.

"Shikamaru? Look at me."

Shikaku laid a hand over Shikamaru's trembling hands and carefully tried to pry them away from his face. Dark eyes snapped open wide and Shikaku was struck with the full force of Shikamaru's despair.

Shikamaru felt vulnerable and raw and exposed. As though there was a large hole in his chest and a cold bitter breeze kept blowing right through him. He looked at his father and suddenly out of nowhere he started hating him. He hated him for not noticing, for not being there when he needed him and for suddenly caring so damn much and making him feel like a child. He needed to get out. He had to get away. He hated feeling like that. It was downright pathetic and made him feel even more disgusted with himself. Why did he feel so goddamn weak? He suddenly had the very strong urge to bolt. Wrenching his gaze away from his father's, Shikamaru pulled back the hospital covers and swung his legs down to the floor.

"Where are you going?"

Without looking at his father, Shikamaru opened the hospital closets and took out his still bloody uniform. Apparently hospitals didn't believe in laundry service.

"I need to get out of here."

Making his way over to his son, Shikaku tried to think up of a reason to get Shikamaru to stay a little longer.

"The medic still needs to look you over before you can be discharged."

"That won't be necessary. I'm fine. I wasn't injured during the mission. I'm sure this room can be used for more serious cases."

"This is the psychiatric ward, Shikamaru."

Shikamaru drew in a sharp breath and paused before he could pull his shirt over his head. Trying not to give it much thought (and failing miserably) he continued to don his gear. Finishing up as quickly as he could and without a backwards glance at his father, he immediately headed for the exit.

"Shikamaru! Wait!"

Shikamaru had had enough. He didn't want to hear it. He just wanted to get away. It wasn't as though he had forgotten about the deal he had made with his father. It was the exact opposite actually. Now was just not the moment for him. His father probably wouldn't think the same however. That was why he needed to leave as quickly as possible.

Fate, in her never ending quest to make life a bitch for Shikamaru, seemed to have other plans.

Half way down the corridor from his room, Shikamaru just about ran into the last person he wanted to see at that moment. For one terrifying moment he thought his world would end and the last thing he would see would be large silvery eyes.

"Shikamaru?"

"Neji?"

_Fuck…_

* * *

><p>"Tsunade-sama?"<p>

The Godaime was pulled out of her meditative reverie and looking up from the spot she had been staring a hole into as she acknowledged Shizune standing patiently in front of her desk.

"Yes, Shizune?"

"My team finished searching through Masahiro's lair. The warehouse itself wasn't very revealing. We only found crates full of clothes and food. We guess they used it for the victims."

Tsunade nodded, "All right. That's to be expected. What else did you find?"

Shizune hesitated for a beat before plowing on with her in person report, "We also went through Masahiro's private office. We found drawers full of contracts and records of 'purchases' made by several beneficiaries. Some of the names we already knew and had on record. Some of them however…"

Tsunade couldn't help but wince, "How bad is it?"

"The leaders of a couple of important Shinobi clans that originate from the Sand and Grass Countries. Not to mention the Rice Patty Country's own Daimyo and a few more official dignitaries from other nations."

Tsunade huffed and leaned back into her chair, "That is pretty big. I want a social and political analysis made of every nation. I want to know what their policies are on buying children and child abuse. Once we make sure that those crimes are illegal, we will hand over all necessary evidence to the proper authorities and let them bring these men to justice."

"And if there aren't any laws against human trafficking and abuse?"

Tsunade gave her assistant a strange look, "Then we'll make sure to find a way to bring them down under Fire Country jurisdiction."

Shizune gave a slight bow, "Of course, Tsunade-sama."

Tsunade nodded at her assistant, "You may be excused."

Shizune shifted her weight on her feet and seemed to hesitate, making Tsunade pause for a bit.

"Shizune?"

Snapping to attention Shizune came to a decision.

"Ah, yes, there was something else I would like to discuss with you, Tsunade-sama."

"And that would be…?"

"Uh, during our search through Masahiro's belongings we found several of his journals." Without much preamble Shizune leaned down and lifted a box that had been lying at her feet the entire time.

"They all are ordered in chronological order. The most recent ones have information we already knew. As in, transportation methods, kidnapping techniques, and the type of victims they would target." Carefully laying the box down on Tsunade's desk she lifted the cardboard lid to reveal stacks of black bound journals, all expressing different signs of wear and use. Shizune pulled out what was most likely the most worn and ragged journal in the box.

Shizune continued with her explanation, "This one however is the first one. It's dated back to about fourteen and a half years ago. We pretty sure that this is when it all started."

Tsunade frowned, "What makes you think that?"

Shizune set the journal down in front of Tsunade and pointed at it, "Because this is when all the fantasies started. Fourteen years ago Masahiro began to fantasize and imagine all these scenarios and he would write them all down."

Tsunade wrinkled he nose, "That's sick."

Shizune nodded in agreement, "It is. But the fantasies only go on for a few entries. We think that what triggered these fantasies was when he met his first victim. For a while he just did that. Fantasize. Then he started plotting and biding his time, just waiting for the perfect moment to take what he wanted."

Tsunade twisted her mouth in discontent. "Of course he would. But that was fourteen years ago. The victim is either all grown up or most likely dead. Do the entries mention any names? We should find the family to give them closure."

Shizune seemed to become even more unsettled by the topic, "Yes, there is a name. Masahiro was very obsessed with this first victim. There are pages and pages of him describing every one of the victim's characteristics. From his physical qualities to certain personality traits, such as his 'innocence' and 'purity'. Then he would go on to describe every encounter he would have with his victim in minute detail. It was as though he was describing his own personal nirvana. He probably got into human trafficking as a cover to look for a suitable replacement. He was very infatuate-"

"Shizune, you're rambling. I need to know the name of the victim. I would very much like to talk to him."

Shizune shifted uncomfortably, "Well, thing is, you already know the victim. In fact, he is very well known, and I think he is just going to be discharged from the psyche ward."

Tsunade's eyes widened, "You don't mean-?"

Shizune nodded gravely, "Yes. Masahiro Tojiro's first victim was Shikamaru Nara."

* * *

><p>Shikamaru stormed out of the hospital and into the dark lonely streets. He didn't dare look back. Not even when his father yelled at him to stop. If it were up to him he would never step foot into another hospital ever again. Some of his worst experiences happened in there.<p>

Before he could get two meters away from Satan's Asshole, a firm hand grabbed his shoulder and shoved him around. He does everything in his power not to punch his angry father in the face.

"Shikamaru! Will you stop and listen to me!"

With a violent jerk, Shikamaru pulled away from his father and silently stalked off. Shikaku huffed angrily and losing all patience brought his hands together to form a very familiar seal.

Shikamaru nearly ground his teeth to dust when his feet could no longer move another step. In fact he couldn't move any of his extremities in any direction. Shikaku could tell his son was deeply displeased with him when he made him turn around to face him. _If looks could kill_, Shikaku thought wryly.

"Shikamaru-"

"Release me."

The Nara patriarch narrowed his eyes and lowered his voice, "I can't do that. Not until you stop and listen."

"Nothing you can say will make it any better."

Shikaku's jaw tensed, "We made a deal, Shikamaru. You need to see someone."

If he could Shikamaru would have clenched his fists, "No, I don't. I don't need anyone."

"Damnit Shikamaru you made a promise! I let you have your revenge and now you must get counseling!"

"And what good will it do? There is nothing in this motherfucking world that would change things! I was raped for two whole fucking years! How the hell is _talking_ about it going to make it any better! Why the fuck would I want to relive something that happened more than fourteen years ago!" Shikamaru was nearly yelling his voice hoarse at this point and his breath was hitching and he could feel that he was on the verge of hyperventilation. He still couldn't shake the feeling of just wanting to go away. Of burying himself in a hole and never come back out and to just stop _feeling_. He just wanted to destroy every dirty tainted part of himself until he was hollow and numb. He had enough of people, too. They were nosy and talked too much and so fucking troublso-

"Shikamaru?"

Shikamaru felt his stomach drop. The voice he had been avoiding for the better part of a year and suddenly he runs into it. Twice. In the same day. Shikamaru wanted to scream and laugh hysterically at the same time.

"Neji-san?" This time it was Shikaku who wanted to be Captain Obvious for the day. He reluctantly released his son from the shadow technique, and Shikamaru was able to turn to face what had once been the only good thing in his life. The look on that beautiful face made his stomach churn uneasily and he thought he was going to be sick.

Trying to ignore the self-disgust pushing the bile up his throat, Shikamaru did the only thing he could think of. He fled.

This time no one tried to stop him.

* * *

><p>Neji felt as though his world had been forced to tilt on its axis and just made him that much more dizzy. That was the effect of Shikamaru's words swirling in his mind had. Looking up at Shikaku he could see the man was apprehensive and warily watching for his reaction.<p>

"D-did that just actually happen?" Neji was finally able to blurt out.

Shikaku rubbed the bridge of his nose, "I think it is best if you just forget what you just heard now, Neji-san."

Neji licked his lips nervously, "So, he was actually raped? By- by a _pedophile_?"

The Nara patriarch tried not to wince and instead gave the Hyuuga a pleading look, "Please, Neji-san. It is best that you not get involved. Things are much too complicated and I think it would be for the best if you just stayed away."

This is when Neji regained some of his determined composure, "I can't do that. I have to talk to him about something. Something that is very important to me."

"I'm sorry, but I can't allow that right now." The older Nara said firmly.

Neji tried to stifle the rising anger and impatience in his chest, "Look, I just need him to confirm something for me. I have a right to know."

"About what?"

"Shunsuke Torii. He was…a very dear friend of mine and I know that he had been killed on the mission he was sent out to under Shikamaru's leadership. I was listed as his only family member and I have a right to know what happened to him."

Shikaku hid the pitying look he wanted to give the young man. He could tell that this Shunsuke Torii was more than just a 'dear friend', but he highly doubted Neji would get the answers he wanted from his son.

"I understand Neji-san, I really do. But Shikamaru is really not in the right state of mind to give you the information that you are looking for. You are just going to have to look for your answers elsewhere."

With one last apologetic look the scarred Nara turned and left Neji standing there in the middle of the abandoned street.

* * *

><p>"Shikamaru Nara did not have a psychotic break. His behavior at the moment of the killing may have indicated this but I can positively say that he was completely lucid during the act."<p>

Tsunade was leaning forward with her elbows resting on her desk, clasped hands covering pursed lips.

"Are you sure of this? After you went over every detail of the case?"

Special Psyche Analyst Jounin Chieko Yuu nodded her head and looked down at her notes resting on her crossed legs as she sat across from her Hokage.

"Just like any official assassinations the attack was premeditated. As was the torture. The plan to take down Masahiro Tojiro's organization was meticulously planned. However Nara-san may have gotten a little bit sloppy during the execution, which cost him the one casualty. That is still better than most missions in general, though."

"But what about the torture?"

"It was…extraordinarily neat. Nara-san systematically destroyed the man's body, with the clear intention of prolonging his pain and suffering. It was as though he was projecting his own prolonged suffering onto his past tormentor. This wasn't an irrational act, Hokage-sama. This was carefully executed revenge."

"So there is no possible way Shikamaru could have undergone any form of psychosis or moments or insanity?"

Chieko shifted a bit in her seat, "I have worked with Nara-san before in the past and I can only say this. He may be a lot of things, but he is nowhere near an irrational killer."

Tsunade couldn't help but let out a heavy breath of relief and then frowned as another question formed in her mind.

"But even so, with that level of…sheer hate, Shikamaru clearly still has plenty of issues."

The Special Jounin nodded, "Yes, Nara-san is what can easily be considered a classic case of an abuse victim. He is afraid of intimacy, doesn't know how to connect emotionally with other people, has multiple sex partners, has addictive behavior, he most likely has suffered from depression as well and I am sure there are other symptoms. We can't really know without a thorough psychiatric evaluation."

Tsunade hummed derisively and leaned back into her chair. "It's no good then. I can't allow Shikamaru to continue working in the field."

"With all due respect Hokage-sama, I'd like to point out that with proper therapy Nara-san can overcome his childhood traumas. Abuse victims have been known to lead fairly normal functioning lives and if he is willing to undergo therapy he can regain stability in most aspects of his life."

Tsunade looked at the Special Jounin dead in the eyes, "And you think Shikamaru would be willing to undergo this therapy?"

Chieko couldn't hide her wince, "Honestly, with the state of mind he is in right now, I haven't the faintest clue."

* * *

><p>There was something very wrong with him. Shikamaru was well aware of it. Mainly because, visiting a sex club after having faced one's childhood abuser after so many years and slowly torturing the son of a bitch to death was definitely not something a sane person would do.<p>

He just didn't know where else to go.

Ignoring the various patrons performing lascivious acts on the large beds and couches scattered around the club, he made his way to the bar. The bartender was tall and had a great body blatantly shown off by a lack of a shirt. Shikamaru smirked and could literally feel the heavy layers of reality slip off of him as he effortlessly stepped into the role of predator and seducer. He stayed at the bar for a while, drinking several cocktails that the bartender insisted that he try out. By the time he had been approached by a decent looking dancing partner and spilled out onto the dance floor he was pleasantly buzzed. He was also well on his way to becoming very much shitfaced.

The chick had a very nice hourglass shaped body with a flat stomach and shapely breasts. She wasn't very tall. The top of her head just made it up to his nose. He didn't mind. The way she was moving her ass against him was all that really mattered at that point. It was while they were grinding against each other when a waiter approached them handing them a couple of very potent looking shots. When Shikamaru informed the server that they had not ordered any drinks, she merely pointed at the bar.

"They're from the guy in the red shirt." She had to yell into his ear to be able to make herself heard.

Shikamaru and his dancing partner both looked at 'the guy in the red shirt'. When they spotted him they raised their shots in a salute of gratitude before downing it all in one go. Shikamaru felt a wash of alcoholic dizziness assault him for a moment as the drink hit his blood. Grinning madly he pulled his dance partner flush against his body feeling utterly euphoric and reckless at the sound of her giggles.

He tangled a hand in her sleek auburn hair and pressed his mouth to her ear, "Let's give the generous guy a good show, yeah?" To which he received a sultry smile and a slim hand rubbed against his chest.

The night had just begun…

* * *

><p>Neji sat at his living room table, staring numbly at the wall. It was already nearing two o'clock in the morning and try as he might he just couldn't muster the nerve to go to a cold and lonely bed. A cold cup of tea sat on the table in front of him, completely forgotten under the white noise of his thoughts.<p>

He couldn't stop the endless rerun of what he had witnessed earlier that evening. He was helpless under the shock of finding out what he just did.

"_I was raped for two whole fucking years!"_

Those words made his stomach clench uncomfortably. He felt stupid for not realizing the truth before. The signs had all been there in front of him and he has received proper training in profiling before. So why the fuck had he not seen what had been right in front of him? Had he been really blinded by the Nara's seductive personality and the fantastic sex?

Neji winced. Of course it had. He had been in too much of a pleasurable haze to really notice anything other than the sex. Well, great, now he felt downright selfish. And a bit of an asshole. And now angry because he hadn't been the one acting like a dick in the first place.

Scowling sullenly down at his cold cup, Neji finally decided he had had enough for the night. Draining the cup and setting it in the sink, Neji headed towards his bedroom to fetch a blanket. Not bearing the thought of sleeping in the large bed alone, Neji shuffled into his living room and cocooned himself in the blanket on the couch. It was far from comfortable and probably a thousand times lonelier but it would have to do.

Sighing into the plush cushions Neji caught the lingering smell of Shunsuke. His entire body shook with grief, aching with the unfulfilled need of having his strong arms wrap around him. He couldn't fight the pain anymore. It was the same pain that had been clawing at his throat ever since he had received the devastating news of Shunsuke's demise. He clapped a hand over his mouth when a sob escaped him and a tear slipped from his ethereal eyes. But the dam had been broken. All Neji could do was curl into himself tightly as he let the painful sobs and cries of anguish rock him into an uneasy sleep.

* * *

><p>Shikamaru stared into deep brown eyes as the needle sank into his arm. The alcohol numbed the pain down to nothing and soon he was grinning like the stupid idiot that he was, as the drug took a hold of him. Impatient and high he pulled the man forward and greedily latched onto his mouth, kissing him like there was no tomorrow.<p>

Artificially enhanced lust pumped through his veins as he was shoved back down onto the bed sitting in the middle of the club. The chick from before lay spent and knocked out by sex and too much alcohol beside him wearing only her bra. He arched and writhed as hot hands roamed all over his bare torso. His dick, which was still hanging out of his pants from banging the chick, began to harden almost instantly as the man ground his clothed hips down onto him.

When moist lips moved down towards his neck and collarbone, he finally opened his eyes. Sound and light had been turned into a distorted multicolored haze. Random shapes would form and prance before him and he couldn't stop grinning at the shadows made from light.

He was on his hands and knees. He had no recollection of being turned over but he was definitely feeling the thick cock being rammed into him over and over. He moaned like a bitch in heat and arched his back, pushing his ass back and taking everything the man had to offer.

He saw a pair of legs kneel down on the bed and watched eagerly as pants were pushed down to reveal another hard cock. A calloused hand gripped his chin and then a pill was slipped into his mouth. He swallowed it without complaint and in a few seconds he lost another part of himself.

The man shoved his cock down his throat and he took that too. Another woman joined them and assisted Shikamaru in the fellatio, basically kissing each other around the erection.

As the night progressed, as he fucked just about anything with legs, using and letting himself be used, Shikamaru could feel the hole in his chest widen. But at that point he just didn't want to fucking care anymore.

* * *

><p>The first rays of the day filtered into the room through gauzy curtains and spilled across the lush bed. A bare leg sticking out from the rumpled sheets shifted as the early sun warmed the pale flesh. Neji hummed sleepily and snuggled closer to the warm body he clung to.<p>

"Are you awake?"

The deep voice rumbled through the broad chest his cheek lay on. Still half asleep he rubbed his smooth cheek against the dark smattering of chest hair and very damn near purred in contentment.

Without opening his eyes he murmured, "'M still sleepy."

He was shaken by the deep chuckle that interrupted his peaceful resting place. The light chuckle turned into laughter when a disheveled head of mussed long hair and groggily narrowed eyes lifted to glare at the other man. Against his will, he felt his mouth twitch at the very appealing sight of that bright smiling face.

The laughter faded as light brown eyes lost themselves in large snowy gray orbs. A large hand lifted and stroked Neji's silky hair, untangling the sleep induced knots.

"Shunsuke…"

A warm hand wrapped itself around the back of his neck and Shunsuke pulled him forward to lay a sweet kiss on Neji's lips. He sighed and deepened the kiss when another hand trailed down the curve of his back and lightly caressed his bottom. They broke apart and Neji found himself staring at the moist lips of his lover.

"I had the worst dream ever. I-"

"Shhh." A finger on his lips stopped him from saying anything else and Neji looked up to see those large doe eyes sparkle mischievously down at him, "No more talking."

Not another word was spoken as they rolled around the white sheets. Shunsuke pinned Neji beneath him, naked skin rubbing deliciously together. Neji engaged his lover into another heated kiss, spreading his legs and opening himself to the other man.

They moved perfectly together. Hands roamed restlessly wanting to relish in the luscious feel of warm bare skin. They tirelessly tasted each other's heated flesh, wanting more and more and not getting enough. Soon, Neji had a string of deep purple love bites all along his neck and collarbone and he was desperate with lust and squirmed and bucked restlessly underneath that large body.

"Shunsuke, please," A shuddering moan escaped his swollen lips when his lover thrust his hips hard against him, "Ooh, god, I want you so bad. Take me. I need you."

The large body over him trembled with barely restrained ardor. Shunsuke roughly grabbed a long thigh and hiked it up high, and Neji bit his lip when he felt a hard hot cock slide over his hole. He rolled his hips wantonly and dug his fingers into the broad back.

Neji whimpered, "Please, give it to me. Make me scream, Shunsuke."

Shunsuke pulled away from Neji's neck and looked down at him with a look full of feral need and absolute adoration. It took his breath away. Before he knew it Neji was arching off the bed as Shunsuke pushed his way in. There was no pain, just absolute bliss.

"Oh god, yes."

Shunsuke's thrusts were slow and deep, driving Neji insane. Everything about Shunsuke drove him mad with desire. His body, large hands, his beautiful eyes and wonderful cock. The way he handled Neji as though he was the most precious gem on earth, loving him and showering him with careful attention.

They started off slow, Shunsuke's cock sliding steadily over his prostate making him whimper. Neji couldn't bear to break eye contact with his beloved. There was just no looking away from the emotion that shone from those eyes and Neji thought he would drown.

"You're so beautiful…" Shunsuke whispered as if awestruck.

A hot tear slid from large pale eyes when Shunsuke moved harder and faster. A warm tongue licked up the tear and Neji tangled his hands in the short brown hair and tugged hard to clash their lips together.

They clung to each other, neither willing to let go for more than a second as their passion began to build higher. Neji didn't want it to end and groaned in disappointment when he felt his groin tighten with his upcoming release.

When they could no longer breath out of each other's mouth, Shunsuke pulled away and pressed their foreheads together, never stopping his movements and never breaking eye contact with Neji. The Hyuuga had the sudden urge to tell his lover everything.

"Shunsuke, I love you. D-don't leave me. Don't ever leave me."

Shunsuke shushed him for a second time and pressed soft kisses all over Neji's cheeks, on his nose, his moist eyes, the corners of his mouth and finally on his lips. Reaching out for each other they clasped their hands tightly together as Shunsuke continued to ride them towards paradise. Soon, Neji was trembling and whimpering with the effort of holding off his release. Shunsuke noticed this and tightened his embrace around his fragile lover.

"It's okay, Neji," He whispered into the shuddering man's ear, "I'm right here. I would never leave you. You can let go. You have to let go."

"No…"

"Yes, you have to love. It's alright, baby. I love you. I always will."

Overwhelmed by the meaning behind Shunsuke's words and the pleasure taking over his body, Neji sobbed as he exploded with release. His head thrashed on the pillow, his whole body writhing and jerking with the strong waves of his orgasm. Shunsuke didn't stop moving prolonging the pleasure. Neji gasped and cried out, "I love you!" over and over again, tears streaming down his face while his nails scored deep lines of passion down Shunsuke's back.

Shunsuke buried his face into Neji's neck as he finally reached his peak, groaning out his name against sweaty flesh. After riding out his orgasm Shunsuke finally stopped moving, pulling out of Neji and slumping down onto to the bed to lie down next to his lover.

Neji turned onto his side so he was facing Shunsuke, trying to stay as close as he could. He closed his eyes when a hand caressed his cheek and tucked a loose strand of hair behind his ear. But when he opened his eyes, Shunsuke was no longer there.

Instead there was boy. He must have been a little older than six. His clothes were too big on his small pale body and hung off a shoulder that exposed a nasty bite mark surrounding what looked to be a fresh bruise. His shoulder length hair was pulled up into a messy ponytail looking as though someone had yanked at it. His face was untouched, but looked pale and fragile, red lips closed tightly as though holding back a scream of agony. His dark angled eyes were the most startling however. They were empty and far off. They were the eyes of a person who desperately wished to be somewhere else.

Neji sat up quickly, his heart pounding with fear. When the boy spoke, his voice was hollow and deep like an adult.

"Help me."

* * *

><p>Neji just barely stopped himself from falling off the couch. He lay there instead, tangled in his blanket breathing hard. His entire body was damp with sweat, cum and tears. He tried to calm himself down by taking a deep breath and looking at his clock he saw that it was half past five in the morning. Groaning and dragging a hand down his face, Neji peeled himself off of the couch.<p>

Already knowing he wouldn't be able to go back to sleep, he made his way to his bathroom and peeled his dirty clothes off. The steamy water felt heavenly against his skin and was a good distraction.

Unfortunately it did not distract him from the dream. It had been so real, so tangible as though Neji had been transported to another dimension in his sleep. It was…so terribly cruel.

To have a taste of what once was, of how things should be, only to be ripped away by the awakening of the conscious in a reality that seemed less real than the dream.

He wished he had never woken up.

Oddly enough he couldn't remember what it was that had woken him up. The dream became hazy towards the end and Neji couldn't shake the feeling that it had been something important, but he just couldn't put his finger on it.

All he could remember was a pair of dark empty eyes.

With a heavy heart, Neji stepped out of his bath and began his morning routine. It was still very early and he had been excused from active duty to prepare for Shunsuke's funeral. Shunsuke was an orphan and had no other family. In fact he had been picked up off from the streets by a Jounin who had taken him in and trained him to be a ninja.

But that Jounin was long dead and all that was left was Neji. Left behind to say the final good byes.

It wasn't in Neji's nature to stay in and rot under depressing thoughts. He had to get out of his head before he lost it.

Wearing his training gear, Neji made his way out of his apartment to head for the training fields and blow off some steam.

He opened his door and just stopped. All plans of going to the training fields went flying out the window.

Tumbling down onto the floor before Neji's feet, passed out and reeking of sex and smoke, was Shikamaru.

* * *

><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: I. AM. SO. SORRY! :(**

**This chapter was a dozy and I kept getting writers block and had to rewrite several parts at least twice. But I swear that I will not give up on this story. It's my biggest inspiration of the moment and I am determined to see it through to the end.**

**I put in a lot of effort to make this chapter worth the wait but feel free to kick my procrastinating ass in the reviews anyways. :)**


	4. Special Death

Author´s note: Eh...I'll grovel at the end of the chapter -_-'

* * *

><p>CHAPTER FOUR: "SPECIAL DEATH"<p>

Chouji rubbed a hand over his face. He wanted very desperately to just say "fuck it", hang up the phone and go back to bed with his girlfriend. But he was a good friend, even at, Chouji glanced at the clock and felt like sobbing, 2 in the morning.

"Okay, I'll be there in a few minutes to pick him up. Could you just…dump him somewhere, where he won't cause any more trouble? Yeah, that's good. Thanks man."

Chouji put the phone into its cradle and wearily went to get a jacket and his keys.

"Hey. What's going on?"

Chouji turned to see Ino standing in the living room wearing a light robe and watching him leave.

"Go back to bed."

Ino pulled the robe tighter around her bare body and gave him a stubborn look, "Where are you going at two in the morning?"

Chouji ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "It's Shikamaru. He got into a bit of trouble at a club and is too drunk to take care of himself. I'm going to go pick him up."

Ino looked as though she was going to try to convince him to not go, but then thought better of it. In the end, she was just as much a friend of Shikamaru's as Chouji was.

"Be careful." She said instead. She waited until Chouji was out of the apartment before going to bed.

* * *

><p>There was short click of a switch turning on and the lonely apartment was bathed in light. Though everything was placed in neat order, there was still a neglected feel to it as though it hadn't been properly lived in for a very long time.<p>

Neji didn't notice any of this. He hadn't stayed in the place for more than a few hours a week anyways and almost didn't recognize his surroundings, so he just ignored them.

Tsunade had given him an odd look as he was giving his report on a mission. Finally when he was done giving his report she quite succinctly stated that he would go on a vacation. He was banned from the mission room for a two week paid leave of absence.

Neji wondered what the hell he was supposed to do in those two weeks.

When he had inquired as to why the Hokage felt he needed a vacation, Tsunade had given him a long hard look. Half an hour later Neji walked out of her office in a shocked daze, result of having his ass handed to him by the Godaime. If that woman could give a dressing down like that, then it was no wonder why she was appointed Hokage.

The gist of it was that Tsunade considered him to be too much of a workaholic and that he needed to take a break before he snapped and caused an accidental massacre.

Up until that moment Neji had never even considered the notion that he had been working too much. Lee might have mentioned something once in a while, but Neji had thought that he was exaggerating. But judging by the Hokage's reaction, it probably wasn't.

To be honest Neji had thought that he hadn't been working enough. It seemed as though no matter how much he did, it just didn't seem to be enough.

His bedroom was just as abandoned and forlorn and he hardly glanced at his neatly made bed as he took out clean clothes from his closet. He didn't want to look at it because then all the hard work he had done would come crashing down. The hard work of trying to forget. Of trying to distract himself and not pay any attention to the emptiness of that bed. The bed that held so many happy memories that will never be relived again.

He had no idea as to how he was going to handle two week of doing basically nothing.

Neji stepped out from taking a long hot shower and walked to his living room wearing a white t-shirt and blue boxers. He sat down on his large sofa that was buried under a pile of pillows and blankets. He reached over to his coffee table and picked up a small remote. Pushing a button his stereo came to life. He lay down on his sofa, turned the volume up and stared up at the ceiling as he tried to let the soft lilting female voice lull him to sleep.

He had no idea how he was going to survive two weeks.

* * *

><p>Shikamaru woke up spluttering and sopping wet. He jolted up from the bed and clumsily shoved back the wet strands of hair covering his eyes and looked at his rude awakening.<p>

"Ino? What the hell!"

The blond fury was standing over him with a hand on one hip and the other holding an empty bucket. Shikamaru was slightly horrified to see another bucket of water sitting by her feet.

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

Ino clenched her teeth and glared harder, "I'm pissed."

"No… You're Ino."

Ino dumped the second bucket of water on his head.

* * *

><p>"Since when have you been living with Ino?"<p>

Chouji set down a mug of coffee in front of Shikamaru. The large ninja served himself his own dose of caffeine and joined his friend at the small dining table before answering.

"Two months ago. We decided to move in with each other after dating for four months."

Shikamaru frowned, "But wasn't she dating Lee?"

"We broke up." Ino walked into the kitchen looking only half a notch less angry but still a lot calmer. Shikamaru wasn't reassured at all. He raised his eyebrow as she joined them at the table.

"What? Was it the eyebrows?"

Ino gave him a flat look, "No. We broke up after Sakura's divorce. He wanted to see if he still had a chance with her."

Shikamaru stared at Ino for a moment.

"… Wait, Sakura got a divorce?"

Ino glared, "Yes, you moron. Is there anything else you would like to catch up on, considering ou were too busy getting high and fucked?"

Shikamaru stayed quiet for a moment.

"…How long did Sakura's marriage last?"

Ino blinked, "Uh, three months?"

Shikamaru grinned, "Are Naruto and Sasuke still together?"

This time Chouji answered, "Much to the disappointment of Sasuke's fan club, Naruto's fan club, half the geriatric population of Konoha and the Hokage herself, yeah, they are…still together."

Shikamaru's grin widened, "Good, those bastards owe me money."

Chouji and Ino stared at him in dumbfounded silence. Before they could respond in any way, Shikamaru took a large gulp of his coffee and, grimacing stood up from the table.

"Well, this has been fun. We should do this more often. Have more of these cozy little family reunions. Call me when you guys start popping out babies."

And with that Shikamaru made his marry way towards the exit.

"Hold it!" Ino's loud shriek stopped Shikamaru dead in his tracks.

"Sit your ass back down, Shikamaru Nara! We are not done with you!"

Shikamaru sighed up at the ceiling. "Couldn't we do this another time? I have to go hustle some money off of Konoha's favorite gay couple."

"Shikamaru, please."

It was the sound of his best friend's voice that made Shikamaru turn around. Chouji looked sad and tired. The last time he had looked that way was when their sensei died. Something in Shikamaru's chest clenched at the thought that he was the one to make his best friend look that way. Without saying anything, Shikamaru slowly sat back down.

"Well, then, let's get this over with."

Chouji clasped his hands in front f him on the table and took a deep breath before starting.

"Shikamaru, we have been best friends ever since we were kids. You're like a brother to me. You know I will always have your back whenever you need. But these last few months, things have been a complete mess. Your problems or whatever it is that is going on with you is getting completely out of hand."

"You think I have a problem?" Shikamaru interrupted.

Chouji gave him a tense look, "Yes. Yes, I do. Everyone who knows you thinks you have a problem. And that problem is getting out of hand. I want to help you. I really do, but…I just don't know how to. And that scares me. It's scary because I can't get the idea out of my head of one day finding you dead because of an overdose, or…or, or something and then feeling as though I could have done more to help you." Chouji looked at him steadily in the eye and Shikamaru knew he was doing it because he was very much serious.

"I don't want to lose you too, Shikamaru. Especially since I know that I can do something about it."

Shikamaru shook his head, "I don't need help and I can take care of myself just fine. You really don't need to do," He waved a hand in the air, "…this."

Chouji looked flabbergasted, "Don't need help? Are you serious? You've slept with more people than the average hooker, you basically live in the clubs and I can't even begin to imagine the types of drugs you have been taking. And this is nearly every day! Just last night I had to go pick you up from a club because you got into a fight for hooking up with another man's girlfriend!"

Shikamaru slapped a hand on the table and practically jumped to the edge of his seat, "Hey! I can deal with my own shit! I didn't ask for your help and I don't want it! So why don't you just stay off my fucking back!"

"Shikamaru!" Ino exclaimed but Chouji held up a hand and the blonde closed her mouth.

Chouji gave him a stern look, "I don't care if you think you don't need it, I am going to help you anyways. Goddamnit, Shikamaru! We grew up together, whatever shit you have is going to be mine as well, whether you like it or not!"

The two best friends glared at each other fiercely for a few long moments. Seeing that Chouji wouldn't back down, Shikamaru shoved himself back into his chair, huffily crossing his arms across his chest. Chouji sighed when he saw his friend glare moodily at the tile floor.

"Look, Shikamaru you might not like the idea, but we really think your best option is to look for professional help. Like…rehab."

Shikamaru snapped his eyes back to Chouji. Chouji could tell by the look on his face that the shadow ninja just had about enough.

Sure enough…

"This is bullshit." Shikamaru stood back up again, but before he could get three feet away from the table a familiar hand landed on his shoulder. When he looked up to see who it was, Shikamaru's temper worsened.

"You."

Shikaku dismissed his son's glare for the moment.

"Shikamaru, please, you need to hear us out. We are only doing this for your own good."

Shikamaru violently shrugged his father's hand off of his shoulder.

"For my own good? Who the fuck are you trying to kid? You really think I need you trying to change my life? It's _my_ fucking life! I like it just how it is and I don't plan to change it any time soon."

Shikamaru made his way towards the exit but Shikaku stopped him by grabbing a hold of his shoulders.

"Let me go!"

"I am not giving up on you!" Shikaku shouted back. His son's mouth closed shut but his eyes glowered hatefully at him. It took every ounce of control Shikaku had not to shake his son violently.

"I don't want to lose you, son. I love you and it pains me to see you suffer this way."

"Please, Shikamaru," Chouji had taken a stand beside Shikaku, "We are only trying to help because we are worried about you."

Shikamaru shoved his father's hands away and took a step back.

"Fuck you. I already told you I don't want your fucking pity." He spat out.

Ino jumped out of her seat, "Will, you stop talking to them like that? We only want to help! Will it really kill you to even consider getting better?"

Shikamaru rounded on the blonde, "Get better! You don't understand, Ino. I don't need to get better. I'm fine!"

"No, you're not! You need to get into rehab!" Ino shouted.

"I am not going to a fucking mental institution to rot! And you can't make me! This is my life for fuck's sake! Only I get to decide how much I can fuck it up!"

Pushing past his father and best friend, Shikamaru stormed towards the door.

"Your mother would have been devastated if she knew."

Shikamaru let his hand drop from the doorknob. Without turning around Shikamaru responded in a low voice.

"She's not here. She won't ever be here anymore. I would appreciate it if you refrained from trying any more pallid attempts at replacing her."

With that Shikamaru disappeared in a poof of white smoke.

* * *

><p>Neji felt like a masochist. A lonely masochist that had absolutely nothing to do for two weeks. He knew that by being at this particular spot was only going to be to torture himself. But after waking up this morning with nothing to do he had begun to wander.<p>

He only snapped back into awareness when he was standing in front of the stones. The first one had been long since filled and the second one had too after the wars. The third one was well on its way to becoming half full. Ten-ten was carved onto the second one. Shunsuke was on the third one.

It had been six months since Shunsuke's funeral. It had been a small event. Considering he had no family the only people present were a few close colleagues and his old genin team. Hinata had been there to show her support. He was very glad to have her on his side that day. Though, he was quite surprised to see Kakashi there as well. At first, Neji had the wild idea that the jounin had attended because he was morbid and went to all shinobi funerals. But when he had politely asked how Kakashi knew Shunsuke, Neji was quite surprised by the answer.

"Torii was one of the few shinobi I knew that I could genuinely say was a good man."

All of the people there at the funeral were quite surprised to see two prominent Hyuuga at a low ranking jounin's funeral. But it was nothing compared to the scandal when they found out that Shunsuke's lover had been the male Hyuuga. As amusing as the shocked faces were Neji hardly noticed. He couldn't stop thinking about how at the end of the day, when everything was done and said for, he would have to go to an empty home.

It was the deafening silence of his home that had driven him to make the mission room his new lurking spot. It didn't matter what the rank was or how long it would take he would take just about anything. If there was a lull in missions, he would pester Iruka and Shizune until they handed him a mission. And if there really was nothing to do he would stay over doing paperwork.

He wasn't quite sure as to why he did so much work but if he were to think about it, it was most likely due to the fact that he hadn't wanted to be in an empty home. Where ever he looked there was always something that would remind him of Shunsuke. Even when he was in another country on a diplomatic mission, he would see something that would bring him some random memory of the tall brunet.

But he didn't want to keep remembering. Those memories, no matter how happy would always bring a terrible pain that tore the hole in his chest a little wider. It was emptiness like he had never experienced before. He tried to ignore it but the best way he found was to keep himself busy. He had to be constantly on the move until he was too exhausted to think of anything else besides his aching muscles.

He even did the whole one night stand with a stranger gig. But that had only made him feel even more hollow and terribly clichéd to the point of deep, deep regret. Not to mention it had felt like a complete insult to Shunsuke's memory.

Falling in love with Shunsuke had been the most unexpected thing that had ever happened to Neji. He had tried so hard his entire life no to depend on any one and almost without noticing it that was exactly what happened. It had been so sudden and subtle, like the soft corroding of a rock in a river bed. Never in his dreams had he thought that the shy and kind man with the goofy sense of humor could somehow charm his way into his heart.

The three little words slipped out on one of those mornings spent together. Shunsuke had walked into the bedroom holding a breakfast tray, wearing a sunny smile and nothing else. He had been chattering about the morning's menu of omelets and bacon, when Neji had blurted it out. The two of them stared at each other in stunned silence for a moment. Then Shunsuke set the tray aside and drew Neji into a deep kiss. He had never felt happier in that moment before in his life.

But thinking back to that moment it felt like a dream. The dream of a life that ultimately did not belong to Neji. It had been a very sweet and wonderful dream. The best a person could ever hope to have. But reality came and reminded Neji once more that he was not meant for happiness.

He had a duty to fulfill. A duty to his clan and to his village. He was never to forget that. Shusuke was another lesson that had been hard learned, but the moral was not lost on Neji.

Shinobi were not meant to get attached. Attachments only had ways of compromising a mission. It just wasn't convenient. Neji had known that and felt stupid for having allowed himself take the risk anyway. Shunsuke's death almost felt like punishment because of that. He never wanted to feel that kind of pain and grief ever again.

Absorbed in his thoughts as he was, Neji did not notice the approach of another person. But he did hear the sound of a silver lighter lighting up a cigarette. It was a sound that he always associated with one person.

"Isn't it a bit early for you to be outside? Did you run out of doorsteps to pass out on?"

Shikamaru scoffed, "You could say that."

"I'm surprised you didn't burst into flames the minute you stepped out into the sun."

"I'm surprised you decided to deign us mortals with your holy presence outside of the mission room."

Neji gave the other man a sidelong glance, trying not to roll his eyes.

"You never change do you?"

Shikamaru exhaled a long stream of smoke, "Nope. But let's face, I just wouldn't be that interesting if I was less of an asshole than I am now."

Neji just huffed and shook his head, mildly amused. They stood there in front of the memorial stones in silence. It occurred to Neji that it would have been a good moment to ask about Shunsuke's death. But the words stuck in his throat. He just didn't feel as though he needed to know at that moment. So he stood there, his eyes roving over the names of the ninja that lost their lives in the line of duty, waiting out the calm before the storm.

"I just went through an intervention. Chouji, Ino and my father want me to go to rehab."

Neji didn't have a clue as to why Shikamaru felt as though he needed to share that rather personal piece of information with him. And judging by the way Shikamaru was carefully putting out his cigarette into the ground, he wasn't sure of why either. Neji also didn't know whether or not he should respond, or if a response would even be accepted but he did anyway.

"Are you going?"

Shikamaru snorted and stuffed his hands into his pockets, "No. Why the fuck would I need to go?"

Neji frowned, "I could think of several reasons."

"I don't know if you noticed but what you think and what everybody else thinks doesn't really matter to me."

Neji turned to face him, "Well, it should. Considering that it is quite obvious that the only people who actually bother to care about you have your best interests at heart."

"It's still my life and I make the final decisions. And besides, why the fuck do you care, anyway?"

At the end of his sentence, Shikamaru turned to look at Neji. The Hyuuga's jaw clenched for a moment before answering.

"Because you almost ruined my cousin's marriage."

"Are you still bitching about that?"

Neji's eyes narrowed, "You really are nothing but a whore."

Shikamaru chuckled humorlessly, "And you are still the same petty little bitch you have always been, Hyuuga."

Neji glared fiercely and Shikamaru stared back with infuriating apathy. The Nara just shook his head and turned to walk away.

"You always do that." Neji blurted. Shikamaru stopped and turned to look at him with an unreadable face. The next words were out of his mouth before he could stop them.

"You always walk away when things just get too difficult, when you don't know how to deal with a certain situation. That makes you a coward. A coward who is too afraid to face the consequences of your own stupidity."

Shikamaru stepped forward angrily until he was up front with those white eyes. They were basically the same height, so it wasn't too hard.

"You don't know a god damn thing about me. You have no idea what I have been through."

Neji looked disgusted, "Oh, stop the fucking victim act, Nara. You are weak if you think that having drunken sex every single day is going to make you forget what happened to you all those years ago."

"What the fuck are you talking about!"

"You know perfectly well what I am talking about!"

"What that piece of shit did to me has nothing to do with what I do with my life! I'm entitled to do whatever the fuck to screw up my life just like anybody else!"

"Oh, so is that why you always use other people all the time? Because you're 'entitled to'? Because you think you have the actual right to fuck whoever you want without thinking that that person might actually be married, or have children waiting for them at home. You use people whenever fancy strikes you and when you're bored you toss them aside like they're nothing! You are no better than the bastard who trafficked children across the borders!"

Shikamaru's fist went sailing through the air. Never before had Neji been caught off guard before, but, then again, there is always a first for everything. He was knocked cleanly onto his back, his jaw throbbing in pain. Shikamaru stood over him, panting hard, his face glowering with anger.

"You have no idea what you are talking about. I am nothing like that son of a bitch." His voice was deadly calm.

Neji sat up on his elbows, glaring back up at him, "If that's true, then why don't you prove it?"

Shikamaru snarled down at him, before spitting on the ground. With one last smoldering glare, Shikamaru walked away. Neji got up on his feet, an angry red bruise blooming across his jaw. He stared at the spot where Shikamaru had disappeared through before finally turning and walking in the direction of home.

* * *

><p>The clinic loomed glumly over him. To Shikamaru it was almost like standing before a great benevolent being, as though the aura of the insane had permeated into its thick walls and making it sentient. But he just glared back at it defiantly as though making one last stand.<p>

"Are you ready?"

Shikamaru glanced around at his father. He gripped the strap of his rucksack slung over his shoulder. He looked back at the building.

"Does it really have to be here?"

Shikaku went to stand next to his son, looking up at the clinic himself, "It's not possible to house shinobi in the same clinic with civilians. Especially the unstable ones."

Shikamaru shook his head, "I guess it wouldn't be a good idea to mix the ninja crazies with the normal crazies."

They stood there silently for a moment.

"Well, better get on with it then." Shikamaru said as he adjusted his rucksack and stepped towards the clinic.

"Hang on."

Shikamaru turned to see his father with a frown on his face.

Shikaku hesitated for a second, "Are you sure about this? I mean, do you really want to go through with this?"

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow, "Well, this is what you wanted me to do in the first place. Right?"

Shikaku tilted his head, "You had a very sudden change of heart."

"That's not so strange."

"Maybe, but you made it quite clear that you wanted nothing to do with…this."

"I just changed my mind." Shikamaru shrugged with one shoulder.

"I can't help but wonder what it was that made you change your mind."

Shikamaru stayed silent for a moment. Then, he just gave his father a small smile.

"I'll tell you when I get out."

Shikaku smiled back, "Fair enough," His face turned grave though when he looked back up at the clinic, "For what it's worth, I am happy you have finally decided to go through with this. I'm proud that you made the right decision. I just wish it didn't have to come to this."

Shikamaru smiled. Without saying anything else the prodigal ninja turned towards the clinic and descended it's time worn steps, towards the threshold that opened towards the place where mental decay and human suffering resided.

* * *

><p>"That's a very interesting bruise you have there, Neji."<p>

Neji paused in his movements but then continued with the change of position. Inwardly, he cursed his cousin for letting his uncle know that he had too much free time on his hands and could use something to do. Naturally, his uncle chose warm ups and training.

"It's nothing."

His uncle didn't say anything for a while. The flowed from one position to the next smoothly, as though they were underwater.

"You are not a clumsy person, Neji." Hiashi said, "And you would never let your guard down long enough for someone to get to you. I would say that that bruise is more than 'nothing'."

Neji only just stopped himself from sighing.

"I had a run in with an old friend. We had a disagreement."

Hiashi hummed, "Am I right to assume that this old friend is a one Shikamaru Nara."

Neji fumbled during the next transition. It was a miniscule flub and unnoticeable to the untrained eye, but to Hiashi's keen eyes, Neji might as well have fallen flat on his face.

"I don't see how you could assume that."

A light breeze blew through the Hyuuga training area, rustling the pairs lose clothing.

"Of all the people that you have associated closely with in your life, Shikamaru seem to be the only who has truly provoked you to lose your composure. Something that even I didn't think was possible."

Neji, tried hard to fight the blush blooming across his face, "Hinata told you then?"

Hiashi hummed in affirmation. They fell silent again and continued with their training. Neji had just managed to blank his mind when his uncle spoke up again.

"Well? Aren't you going to tell me what provoked the altercation?"

This time Neji really did sigh, "I really shouldn't be bothering you with such trivial things. You must have enough preoccupations on your mind. I don't want to trouble you with such silly things."

"Nonsense," Hiashi began, "It would hardly be a bother," Neji felt like groaning, "I only bring it up because it seems to be troubling you. I always find that having a good ear and an open mind that is willing to listen a good way to clear the cobwebs in one's mind."

Hiashi saw his nephew hesitate and gave the signal to halt all movements.

"I think that is enough for the day. Why don't we go inside and have some tea?"

Neji was about to refuse but then quickly changed his mind when he saw the look on his uncle's face.

Hiashi set his tea cup down slowly.

"Well," Hiashi said after a moment of silence, "That is quite a story. I would have never guessed that someone as brilliant as Shikamaru Nara would have those type of issues. I had heard a couple of rumors, but I had thought that they were just that, rumors. But know it seems that he has a grievous problem to deal with. How do you plan to help him, Neji?"

Neji choked on his tea. He quickly composed himself and stared at his uncle with incredulousness.

"What do you mean? What I said that day was out of frustration and anger. A moment of irrationality."

Hiashi gave his nephew a stern look, "Irrational or not, you have somehow gotten yourself involved. The least you could do is apologize."

Neji had already planned to do just that. Sooner or later.

Hiashi waved a hand in the air, "But enough about that. Tell me how you have been. Hinata mentioned that you are on paid leave by order of the Hyuuga. With the villages understaffing and your special talents I am curious to find out as to why the Hokage would make such an order."

Neji turned his cup between his hands, "You and Hinata seem to be conversing more often now a days."

Hiashi looked momentarily uncomfortable before clearing his throat.

"Well for a person of my age and in this profession, one begins to understand the importance of family and the privilege it is to be able to see it grow."

Neji tilted his head and smiled, "I see. You are excited about the coming of Hinata's baby."

He had to resist a laugh when he saw his uncle turn slightly pink, while giving him a stern look at the same time.

"Don't push it. You haven't answered my question."

Neji sighed, "She said that I had too much overtime and that I looked like shit. Her words, not mine."

A contemplative look crossed Hiashi's face, "Well, she is not wrong. You have been working too much. I've never seen you take on so many missions and it has taken its toll. You do look very tired."

Neji looked down at his cup, "I am only trying to fulfill my duty towards my village and my people."

"A very noble task. However a useless one if you do not take care of yourself first. I wonder, does this have anything to do with the death of Shunsuke Torii?"

Neji looked at his uncle with wide eyes. It shook him a bit to hear his uncle speak of Shunsuke's death so easily. He couldn't even respond.

Hiashi gave him a solemn look, "In a way I owe it to Hizashi to assure of your happiness and well being. But it seems that I have not been successful as of late. I can only hope to remedy that."

An awkward silence filled the room. Neji could not think of anything to say that would break the silence.

"Shunsuke Torii was a good man. I had never seen you happier with another person. It is truly regrettable what happened to him"

Hiashi was slightly saddened to see the unreadable look on his nephew's face.

"I'd really rather not talk of that just now, if you don't mind, Uncle."

Hiashi sighed, "If you insist. But I would just like to point out that though we live in a world were death is but a business to us, there is always a place for love and happiness."

Neji looked down at his hand, "I know that, Uncle. But my chance at love and happiness has long expired. I don't think I am strong enough to take another risk like that."

Hiashi held up a finger, "Ah, but you forget. We are ninja. Risk is in our job description. As is protecting what we believe in and the ones we love. Without love, we would have no purpose to keep on fighting."

Neji stayed silent for a moment. Then he looked up and smile wryly at his father.

"Thank you, uncle. But I think it is time for me to go. This has been a surprisingly pleasant afternoon."

Hiashi nodded his regal head that was graying at the temples.

"I enjoyed our time together as well. Will I be expecting you tomorrow?"

Neji had just gotten to his feet and stopped to think about it for a moment.

"Yes, I suppose you will."

Hiashi smiled, looking almost relieved, "Excellent. Why don't we meet in the front gardens? I'll tell Hinata so that she may join us."

Neji smiled, "That sounds lovely."

Neji bowed respectfully towards his uncle and then silently made his way out of the Hyuuga compound.

* * *

><p>TBC!<p>

Author's note (i.e. the part where I grovel): I am so sorry for not having posted sooner. A lot of people have been really looking forward to this and that is why I do a shout out to tuliprose71 and Rita for being patient and getting my procrastinating ass into gear. I would also like to make it up to all the rest of my faithful readers who have been patient with me. Also, my birthday is tommorow and I just had to do something special.

For those of you who have been with this fic since the beginning, you would know that the story summary has suffered a couple of changes. Ad I still can't seem to be satisfied with it. So, I thought it would be a great idea to set up a small competition. The person with the review that contains the best summary for this fic, will not only have their summary posted but will also get a giftfic with the pairing of their choice. The guidelines are simple. It has to be within the word limit and include warnings for the content of this fic and it really has to represent this fic as a whole. The person who includes all these elements will most likely be the winner. So have at it my baby chicks! I cannot wait to see what you guys come up with! Oh, and the competition ends two weeks from today. (I'll post a temporary chapter when I make a decision and with the name of the winner and other information as I still have quite a ways to go with the fifth chapter). I love you all!


	5. The World We Live In

CHAPTER FIVE: THE WORLD WE LIVE IN

His whole body ached. It just…hurt all over. It hurt to breathe, to think, to open his eyes, to move his fingers. He couldn't stop shaking. His ears were ringing and he wished that whoever was screaming would stop. He wished it until he realized that those screams were his own. He wanted the pain to go away; he wanted to stop feeling so terrible. He wanted to sleep, to rest for days and to stop hearing that awful voice in his head.

[_"Sshh, be quiet now. It's okay. Stop crying. It'll only hurt for a little while."_

_But it didn't hurt for a little while. It hurt for a long while. His thin legs were not used to being held open so wide and for so long and they were getting terribly cramped. But it paled in comparison to the searing pain in his bottom. It felt as though he was being torn into two and his stomach gave a nauseating flip when he felt hot liquid sliding down his buttocks and stain the sheets. His mother was going to be so mad when she found out. And still the pain would not go away, even when Uncle Hiro tucked him into bed and lay down behind him and he sobbed silently into the night._]

The need was just as horrible. It consumed his every thought. He only needed a little bit. Just enough to take the edge off. All he needed was to get rid of the voices in his head and the memories he did not want circulating and taunting him in his head.

But no matter how much he begged and pleaded, relief would not come. The nurses ignored his cries and tended to him as clinically as possible. They even turned a deaf ear when he begged to be killed, to be put out of his misery.

Sleep was out of the question, because every time he closed his eyes all he could see was blood and tears.

[_He was hardly recognizable. The man who used him when he was too young to understand. Blood was everywhere. It was dark and thick where his stomach was flayed open, viscera spilling over onto his trembling lap. _

_"Please! Make it stop! I'm sorry! Please! Kill me!"_

_The smell of fear and gore was ripe in his nose, but he didn't let it affect him. He just watched the man's face as he destroyed him piece by piece. Mercy existed nowhere in a heart that had learned to hate so deeply._]

Time seemed to drag on. Night and day no longer existed for him, except for the varying degrees of suffering he was going through. Eventually he got better. He still couldn't eat more than a few bites before vomiting but he was much more lucid and aware. He didn't know what was more hateful, the ignorance of insanity or the awareness of misery.

There were moments when he thought of giving up. When he just thought of escaping into the dark shadows he can control and getting a hit. Hell, he even thought of biting through his tongue and being done with it. But then a pair of pale silvery eyes would pop up into his head as he was about to execute any harebrained plan his delirious mind would come up with and he would stop. He would grit his teeth and clench his fists', reminding himself that he was stronger than that and to back out would make him weak. He would do anything just to prove a point.

_["You use people whenever fancy strikes you and when you're bored you toss them aside like they're nothing! You are no better than the bastard who trafficked children across the borders!"_

_"I am nothing like that son of a bitch."_

_"If that's true, then why don't you prove it?"_]

* * *

><p>"It's settled then. Once the retirement of the Godaime comes into effect two months from this day, Naruto Uzumaki will be appointed the title of Rokudaime, making him the new Hokage of Konoha. Is everyone in accordance to this arrangement?"<p>

Murmurs of agreement echoed across the sound proofed conference room where the heads of all of the clans in Konoha were seated around a long rectangular table. The recently appointed council man nodded his grey and balding head.

"That will be all then. This meeting is adjourned."

There was a racket of chairs scraping over a stone floor as everyone got to their feet. While the most powerful collection of ninja in Konoha left the room, Shikaku Nara took his time. He was tired from lack of sleep and decent rest and had no desire to rush anything. But just as he turned to leave he was startled to see Hiashi Hyuuga standing a few paces in front him as though he had been waiting for him.

"Nara-san." Hiashi said in simple greeting.

"Hyuuga-san. How may I help you?" Shikaku said politely, confused as to why the Hyuuga would address him specifically.

"Actually, I had hoped you would agree to accompany me for a stroll through the village. If you are not busy that is."

Shikaku gaped at first, "O-oh, w-well, no actually I am not busy right now, but-"

Hiashi smiled gently, "Very good, you are free to keep me company. Please I insist."

Shikaku wasn't given a chance to respond as he was being steered out of the conference room.

* * *

><p>It was nearing dusk and the village was bathed in a soft golden light making its red roofs stand out brilliantly. Shop keepers were just closing their businesses and there were a few people scattered about the streets. Hiashi and Shikaku took their time walking through the village that they have dedicated their lives to. Though, the latter of the two was still confused as to what he was doing taking a stroll with the head Hyuuga.<p>

"This is my favorite time of day in the village. Seeing how peaceful it can get after so many years of plight makes it worth all of the pain and suffering our ninja had to go through. Don't you think, Nara-san?"

Shikaku gave the Hyuuga a tense smile, "Ah, yes, yes it is. Though, out of curiosity, why is it that you invited me to accompany you, Hyuuga-san?"

Hiashi looked thoughtful for a moment, "I thought you would like to have someone to talk to. You look as though you need it."

Shikaku looked puzzled, "What makes you think that?"

"Well," Hiashi began, "I had learned from a certain source that you have been having some difficulties with your son, Shikamaru."

Shikaku looked down at his feet, "And what source was this?"

"Let's just say that it was a common close acquaintance of ours."

Shikaku nodded, "Neji."

Hiashi chuckled in amusement, "I always forget not to underestimate you, Nara-san."

Shikaku smile back at him. They walked for a couple of blocks before anything else was said.

"I'm curious though," Shikaku said, "How was it that Neji knew about these…problems?"

"Well, from what he told me, he got into a certain disagreement with Shikamaru the very morning you and his former genin team intervened. He walked away from that conversation with very impressive bruise on his face. I wasn't one to just let it go, much to Neji's disappointment, I think."

Shikaku shook his head in bemusement. "Shikamaru is normally never this hot headed but he had gotten very riled up after our intervention, so I am not surprised he reacted badly."

Hiashi tilted his head, "Well, to be fair, Neji had been quite impertinent with your son. He was most likely looking for a reaction and got more than he bargained."

Shikaku gave a small superficial smirk, before suddenly frowning, "You know it's interesting that you mention that. A day after the disastrous intervention, Shikamaru went to see me to ask if I would accompany him to the clinic."

Hiashi looked at the scarred man, surprised. "So, he finally agreed to take the treatment?"

Shikaku nodded, "Yes. I was surprised at first and had no idea what to make of it but after listening to what you just said, suddenly it makes sense."

Hiashi hummed, "It seems as though Neji said something that made Shikamaru react in the correct direction."

Shikaku huffed in amusement. They walked past a park were a couple of children were still playing; their parents close by watching over them.

"What else did Neji tell you?" Shikaku asked after a long pause.

"He told me that Shikamaru had been suffering from a rather severe addiction problem. He said that it was with drugs, alcohol and sex. He also mentioned his past relationship with Shikamaru but I had already known about that. I was surprised to learn about the addictions, though. I had never thought that such a brilliant mind would succumb to something so terrible."

Shikaku shoved his hands in his pockets, "It hasn't been easy to deal with that is for sure. Shikamaru's brilliancy might for once just get in the way of his recovery."

Hiashi nodded, "Addicts are known to be tricky manipulators. I feel a bit sorry for the doctors who are going to have to give him therapy.

Shikaku looked at the Hyuuga, "You seem to know something about addictions."

Hiashi nodded gravely, "The Hyuuga clan is large and has a long history. Some members have rebelled and most times not with good consequences."

"I see. You are right though, I would not want to be the one attending to Shikamaru full time in an enclosed space."

Hiashi smiled at him wryly. Time slipped by for the two of them as they walked and talked endlessly about a number of things. It was a comfort for Shikaku to be able to speak to someone who was impartial to the things going on in his household. He had always thought that the Hyuuga were an uptight and rigid clan and disdainful of anyone they perceived as beneath them.

But Hiashi was not like that at all. He was open minded and did not judge. He always had an interesting view point of things and was very direct and frank about them, without losing any tact. It was very refreshing. The subtle sense of humor was very surprising and amusing as well. Hiashi would have him in stitches with some of the things he said.

Having walked through the entire village and nearing dark, the two men decided to take a rest and get something to eat. The dango was particularly good in this part of town and the company seemed to make it even more enjoyable.

Hiashi set down the empty dango stick and gave Shikaku a content look.

"This has been a very pleasant evening, Nara-san. I am glad you agreed to come with me."

Shikaku hastily swallowed his mouthful of dango, "So am I. You were right. I did need someone to talk to."

The Nara was transfixed with the smile he received. Hiashi looked very different when he smiled.

* * *

><p>Neji greeted his cousin with a warm hug. It was quite difficult considering her very pregnant stomach got in the way. He pulled away to look at her dressed in her black formal kimono.<p>

"How are you?" He asked after seeing her somber face.

"Oh, I'm fine," She answered quietly, "I'm just a little bit worried about Kiba. We haven't gotten much chance to talk, since we got the news."

Neji nodded, "I imagine he's been very busy with his family."

"Yeah…"

They stood there silently for a moment. Finally Hinata looked up at her cousin.

"I'm really glad you came. I was feeling a little overwhelmed with all that was going on and not really being able to come to terms with what happened."

"I know," Neji responded, "I'm happy to be there for you, especially since you were there for me when I needed it the most."

Hinata gave him a small smile.

"Why don't you come in? The ceremony is going to start in an hour."

Neji followed the waddling Hinata into the foyer of the Inuzuka estate. They had just entered when a distraught looking Kiba came rushing towards them.

"Hinata! Where have you been? I've been looking for you!"

Not waiting for an answer Kiba immediately wrapped his arms around his wife in a tight embrace.

"I was just letting Neji-neesan in. I didn't go very far." Hinata's soft voice was muffled in Kiba's chest.

"Neji?" Kiba looked around the foyer until he saw Neji standing awkwardly off to the side.

"Neji!" Without warning Neji was also caught up in a tight hug.

"So glad to see you! Hinata said that you might be coming."

Neji was relieved when he was released.

"You are a part of the family. What happens to the Inuzuka also affect the Hyuuga."

Kiba nodded understanding words between the lines. Neji hesitated for a moment before continuing.

"I am very sorry for your loss, Kiba. I had never had the fortune of meeting her but I do know that your sister was one of the best ninja Konoha has seen."

Kiba bowed his head, "Thanks. I actually haven't really been able to think about it much with all that has been going on, but it really does mean a lot coming from you."

"Kiba?" Hinata called out softly, "Is everything ready?"

"What? Oh, yeah. It was a complete mess trying to get everyone organized but I think everything is all set for the ceremony."

"Let's go then."

The three of them walked out of the foyer and towards the sixth funeral ceremony held that month in Konoha.

* * *

><p>Neji was finally able to escape outside. He had never assisted a funeral so boisterous. It could have easily been mistaken for a regular family reunion. It was quite tiresome. The Inuzuka dog kennel seemed much more peaceful.<p>

Neji was watching two gamboling puppies when Kiba joined him.

"Cute, aren't they?"

Neji nodded, "Yeah."

"Some funeral, eh? You'd think we were celebrating her birthday instead of her death."

Neji's lips twitched, "You know, I was just about to say…"

Kiba laughed lightly, "You don't have to. My family is a bit weird when it comes to death."

"It doesn't seem to bother you that much."

"It used to. When I was little one of my aunts passed away. My sister caught me crying that day. She called me stupid and punched me in the head."

"Charming."

A chuckle burst out of Kiba, "Yeah, you could call my sister that. Later that same day my mom pulled me aside and sat me down. She told me that it was useless to cry over the death of a ninja because of the risks we take every time we go out on a mission. That it would be better to honor their death by celebrating all that they had accomplished in life as a person and as a warrior of this village."

"Your mother was a smart woman."

"It's all a part of tradition. She also said that it would be an insult to their memory if you spent too much time grieving. You would be doing them a great disservice to them if you didn't move on with your life after their sacrifice."

Neji had the feeling Kiba was trying to make a point but decided not to go any deeper than that.

There was pause in conversation as they continued to observe the mother of the puppies breaking apart the tussle and give her offspring a tongue bath. Neji gave Kiba a sideways glance.

"I guess this makes you the head of the Inuzuka, then."

Kiba nodded, a grave look coming across his face.

"Yup. The elders thought it would be a good idea considering I now have family ties with the most powerful clan in Fire Nation and that I have an heir on the way. I didn't know falling in love with Hinata would bring so much responsibility."

"Do you regret it?"

"Not at all," Kiba responded immediately, "If I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't change anything."

Neji hummed satisfied with the answer.

"Hinata told me about the Hokage giving you two weeks of paid leave."

Neji gave the brunet a wry look, "It seems as though telling other people about my personal life has become somewhat of a hobby for Hinata."

Neji smirked, "Nah, she's just worried about you."

"Oh, is that what it is?"

"Yeah, that's what happens when you have people who care about you. They have this annoying habit of getting involved in everything you do."

Neji huffed in mock annoyance. "You could say that again."

"I think it's a good thing. Getting a break from all of it. You look like you could really use it."

"Thanks." Neji deadpanned.

* * *

><p>Shikamaru drummed his fingers on the table. Getting impatient and exasperated with having nothing to do as he waited for his visitor, he lit up a cigarette. It was burned halfway when his visitor finally arrived.<p>

Naruto looked a bit flustered as he looked around the visiting area. He spotted Shikamaru sitting at one of the tables that was all the way in the back. Maneuvering around the tables that were mostly empty except for a woman visiting her catatonic brother and a boy and his mother trying to talk to his squizophrenic father, Naruto finally made it to Shikamaru's table.

Flicking the loose ash on the end of his cigarette, Shikamaru raised an eyebrow at the blond.

"Were you too busy boning the psychopath to make it on time to a meeting that _you_ set up? Tsk, tsk Naruto not proper decorum for the strongest ninja in Konoha."

Naruto laughed, "Would it make you feel better if I told you that I had to actually leave Sasuke high and dry just so I wouldn't be an hour late?"

Shikamaru looked thoughtful, "Hmm, a cock blocked Uchiha…You know, I think you just made my week."

Naruto shook his head in silent laughter. Shikamaru exhaled a long stream of smoke. Naruto took the slight pause to get a good look at Shikamaru. He was a lot thinner than he remembered and there were darks circles under his eyes. When he lifted his arm to bring his cigarette to his lips, the sleeve of his robe slipped down a bit and Naruto could see thick bandages wrapped around his wrist. Shikamaru noticed were his gaze was directed and hastily pulled his arm onto his lap, covering up the bandages. Shikamaru shifted uncomfortably in his plastic seat before looking at Naruto.

"So, what was so important that you had to put off spectacular sex to come visit me in this shithole?"

Naruto tapped his fingers against the table a wide grin nearly splitting his face in half, "It's actually for a very good reason. I've been chosen to be the next Hokage. I'll go into office in approximately two months from now."

Shikamaru snorted, "So? You came here to gloat and lecture me on how dreams really can come true?"

Naruto smirked, "Nope, but if you really want me to get in on a lecture…"

"Spare me." Shikamaru deadpanned.

Naruto shrugged, "All right, suit yourself. But as you know, all Hokages' need an assistant to help get the work done. Strangely the first person that came to mind was you."

Shikamaru stared.

"That is strange. You know I hear there is this charming place that can help you purge whatever drug you're on. I can go get you the forms if you like. Just don't be surprised if I come back with some men dressed in white carrying a straight jacket. I hear it's best if you don't struggle."

"I'm being serious, Shikamaru."

"So am I."

They stared at each other for a while trying to read what was on the others mind from their expressions. Exasperated, Shikamaru crushed his cigarette on the cheap porcelain ashtray set on the table.

"Look, I don't know if you haven't noticed yet but I'm in rehab. You'll be eaten alive by the council if you hire an ex-junkie and sex addict as your assistant."

"So what? I need someone reliable. Someone I can trust and most importantly someone who is smarter than me." Naruto immediately responded.

"That could be anyone in the village."

"But, they're not you. You are the best person for this position. You know the entire village like the back of your hand. Even all of its underground systems and businesses. You would do great working directly for the Hokage. I wouldn't want you anywhere else besides my right hand side."

Shikamaru sighed, "Why don't you just use Sasuke?"

Naruto gave him a flat look, "That's the worse idea ever. I doubt I would be able to get any work done with him around."

"Good point. Still, this is a long shot. What makes you think I won't relapse or something?"

"I'll beat you to a pulp if you try anything like that. Does that sound like a deal?"

"Actually it does, but it still doesn't mean I'll go through with it."

Naruto folded his arms across his chest, "Yes, it does. But because I'm a nice guy I'll give you some time to think about it."

Shikamaru scoffed, "You're an arrogant prick; did you know that?"

Naruto leaned forward to look at Shikamaru straight in the face, "Look, Shikamaru, we are the underdogs. Nobody thought we would amount to anything when we were young. But you still made it to Chuunin at the age of twelve and Jounin two years after that. You have an I.Q. that goes completely off the charts and it would be a fucking waste if I didn't found a way to use that."

Shikamaru shook his head, "Still not a very bright idea."

Naruto shrugged with one shoulder, "So? I'm not exactly known for having bright ideas. Considering I sleep with the biggest traitor of Konoha, hiring you as my assistant will look like a very smart choice."

Shikamaru looked bemused, "Another good point."

"Just think about it. I'll swing by another day to hear what you have to say."

Shikamaru rubbed his temple, "Yeah, whatever."

* * *

><p>Shikaku walked along the pebbled road that cut through the clinic gardens. It was a beautiful day. The sakura trees were littering the ground with their soft pink blossoms, and there was a pleasant breeze that rippled the ponds. Shikaku spotted his son sprawled on a bench under a sakura tree, observing the clouds through the branches.<p>

"What have you got there?" Shikaku asked as he approached the bench.

Shikamaru lifted his hand from his chest. His fingers were curled around a bracelet made of cheap white plastic beads of varying shapes and sizes.

"One of the other wards gave it to me."

"Oh." Shikaku sat down on ground beside Shikamaru's shoulder, his back leaning against the bench. The head of the Nara clan sighed.

"I just talked to the doctor. He said that you weren't responsive to the treatment at first but that lately you have been improving."

Shikamaru twirled the bracelet around his finger.

"Is that so?"

Shikaku hummed. "It wouldn't have anything to do with the job offer Naruto made you a week ago?"

"I haven't really thought about it." Shikamaru said calmly.

His father snorted, "Yes, you have. You might not want to admit it, but you have thought about it."

Shikamaru was beginning to think that his father knew him too well.

"Whatever."

Shikaku smiled but didn't say anything else. They sat there in silence for a moment, father and son, watching the clouds and enjoying the peace. Shikamaru turned his head a bit and watched his father's profile for a moment. He seemed more relaxed and the lines on his face were less deep, making him seem years younger. Shikamaru turned his gaze back up at the sakura branches.

"I heard something interesting the other day."

Shikaku was pulled away from his peaceful daze and gave his son a sideways glance.

"What was it?"

"That you went out for a stroll with Hiashi Hyuuga. They said that the both of you looked pretty close."

"I should have known walking in public would generate a stir in the gossip mill of Konoha."

Shikamaru chuckled. It had been a very long time since Shikaku had heard his son laugh. It made the day seem even better.

"So, Hiashi Hyuuga, eh?"

Shikaku shrugged with one shoulder, "We just talked. It was nice to have a friend to talk to."

Shikamaru met his father's eyes, "Cool."

A smile tugged at the corners of Shikaku's mouth but he turned around before his son could see it.

"He mentioned Neji a couple of times."

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow, "Really?"

Trying to hide his surprise in Shikamaru's sudden interest, Shikaku continued, "Yeah, he told me that you punched him in the face the day before you went into rehab."

Shikamaru scoffed, "So? He was being a prick."

"I'm not saying he didn't deserve it. But usually you wouldn't have bothered to get into an argument with anyone. You normally avoid these types of confrontations."

Shikamaru sighed and sat up, swinging his legs down on the grass beside his father. He looked at his hands holding the bracelet dangling between his knees, thinking about how to respond.

"It was something stupid. I probably won't have to see him again after I get out of here."

"I don't think so. Not if you accept to being Naruto's personal assistant."

Shikamaru turned to look at his father with an eyebrow raised, "Who said I was going to take the job?"

Shikaku smiled back at him, "You did. I can tell that you're interested. Despite what you used to say when you were a kid, you actually want to have a purpose. You want to be able to get out of here and make something of yourself. Asuma would be proud."

Shikamaru fingered one of the beads on the bracelet. It was shaped as a rabbit and made interesting shapes when he spun it around the cord. He found himself thinking about the person who had given him the bracelet and the years they had spent in the clinic and what they said to him when they gave him the handmade trinket. Suddenly, being the Hokage's personal assistant didn't seem like such a bad idea.

"Yeah, I guess he would."

* * *

><p>Neji sat in his apartment, staring at his best friend Lee. It took him a moment to finally process what the bowl cut haired man just said, but when it did, he smiled.<p>

"Congratulations, Lee. You finally managed it."

Lee was positively vibrating with enthusiasm.

"Yeah! Can you believe it! She finally agreed to go out with me! Do you think she really likes me now? What do you think she'll want to talk about? Oh my god! What if we don't have anything to talk about? What if we really have nothing in common? What if she thinks I'm a complete moron? What if she ends up hating me? Oh my god, Neji what did I get myself into?"

Neji froze with his cup of tea halfway to his mouth when Lee suddenly pinned him with a wide eyed panic look. Neji calmly set his cup down and gave his best friend and exasperated look.

"Oh, please Lee. She already thought you were a moron to begin with. I don't think she would think you were a complete lost cause and then agree to go out with you. Just relax and be yourself."

Lee's round eyes became morose and he all but pouted at Neji, "But what if she ends up changing her mind? What if she never sees me the way I see her?"

Neji tilted his head in thought, "Well, if she can't see you for the person who you are then she doesn't deserve you. There are more people out there who can really be the one, Lee."

"I guess…"

"You're a good person, Lee. And Sakura is a good catch. I'm sure she'll have enough sense to really get to know you. You deserve to have someone who appreciates you."

Lee smiled widely at him in that enthusiastic manner that used to be overkill in Neji's opinion. Now, he was too used to it to mind that much.

"Thank you, Neji."

Neji just shrugged and took another sip of his tea. He crossed his legs and held the mug on his knee, his hands wrapped around its warmth.

"So, where are you taking her?"

Lee looked at him with that deer caught in the headlights look again.

"T-taking her…?"

Neji raised an eyebrow, "Yes, when you ask people out on a date you are normally supposed to plan ahead and have something set up for that date. Or at least that's the way it's supposed to go last time I checked."

The panic seemed to elevate on Lee's face, "I completely forgot! I didn't even think that she would say yes! I just asked her out of compulsion and didn't even think she would actually want to go out with me! I just told her I would pick her up at eight!"

Ignoring the sense of déjà vu, Neji stood up from his couch and set his mug on the coffee table.

"That means we still have time to make reservations."

Lee looked perplexed, "Huh?"

Neji waved a hand and walked over to his phone, "There's this nice place that I know that I think Sakura will like. I'm putting the reservation under your name."

He was just about to pick up the phone when he was nearly tackled to the ground. He just barely saved himself from possible head injury by flinging out a hand and smacking it against the wall to support himself. But before he could react any further he was being lifted off his feet and violently hugged by Lee.

"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank You!"

"Lee! Put me down!"

Lee finally dropped him down on his feet and gave him a slightly sheepish look. The effect was completely ruined by the huge grin he was wearing. Neji sighed.

"You're welcome. But you had better hurry and get changed while I make the reservation."

The way Lee's face changed was comical. The grin instantly disappeared and his already wide eyes went even wider.

"Uh…change?"

Neji nodded slowly, "Yes, change. As in change your clothes."

"Can't I just go in this?" Neji looked down at the garishly green full body spandex suit. For a moment Neji had to wonder if there was something seriously wrong with Sakura for having agreed to go out with Lee while looking like that.

"No."

"But-"

"No."

"But, I-"

"I have some formal clothes that might fit you in my closet. Go pick something out."

Dodging another hug attack, Neji pushed his best friend towards the bedroom and he picked up the phone to make a reservation for two.

An hour and a half later, Lee was checking himself out in the mirror pretty impressed with Neji's work. The dark jeans were tight in all the right places and went well with the ankle high boots and dark green button shirt that stretched over his broad shoulders. The dinner jacket completed the look along with Lee's new haircut. It had taken Neji several long minutes to convince him to get rid of the bowl cut but in the end the threat of being tied down and drugged won Lee over. Though Neji was not a professional stylist he didn't do so badly for his first ever hair cut. Lee's glossy black hair was now in short layers which Neji gelled into mussed up spikes going in every direction, with some bangs brushing against his forehead to detract a bit from his bushy eyebrows. The overall effect was quite good, if Neji could say so himself.

"So, do you think she'll like it?"

Neji looked at him through the mirror, "I don't know. Do you like it?"

Lee was silent, running his hands carefully over his clothes and hair until he just smiled at Neji.

"You know what, I think I do."

Neji's lips quirked up into a small smile, "That's all that matters."

Lee positively beamed at him and Neji though his face would split in half. He felt a certain warmth in the pit of his stomach at seeing his friend so excited and happy. Lee used to annoy and frustrate him so much when they were genin that it was almost surreal that he was now helping him get ready for his date with Sakura. It was as though that boundless energy and enthusiasm had finally grown and rubbed off on Neji. It was beginning to creep him out a bit.

Neji cleared his throat and looking down, walked to the bedroom entrance, "Well, if you're ready you had better get going. It's almost time to pick her up."

Lee turned around, giving him an overenthusiastic thumbs up and a broad grin, "Okay!"

Neji paused at the doorway with a hand on the frame, "Um, Lee?"

"Yes, Neji?"

"Don't ever change."

* * *

><p>This time it was Naruto who was waiting for Shikamaru in the visiting area. To his credit, Shikamaru was exactly on time. Naruto was just early. He plopped down onto the hard plastic chair, taking out his pack of cigarettes and lighter and setting them down on the table. Naruto stared at him silently for a moment as though waiting for something but Shikamaru just stared back impassively.<p>

Finally, Naruto lost patience.

"So, are you ready to take the job offer?" He asked as though he already knew the answer.

"Are you ready to grovel?" Shikamaru shot back, his face set in the same blank mask even as he spoke.

Naruto stared at him. Shikamaru raised an eyebrow.

"What? You thought I was going to make this easy for you?"

Naruto sighed, rubbing a hand over his face and looking a little annoyed.

"I guess that would have been too much to ask for."

Shikamaru nodded, flipping his lighter around on the table.

"So, what makes think I'll be willing to become your personal errand boy? The way I see it I could just tell you to fuck off and go back to living my normal shinobi life and go on some real fucking missions, instead of sorting your papers, going on ramen runs and bending over like your bitch every time you ask me to."

Naruto gave him an unreadable look, "It's always a pleasure talking to you Shikamaru, did you know that?"

Shikamaru gave him a flat look. Naruto sighed.

"Fine. Look, there is a lot more to this gig than just being my fucking errand boy. There has been a lot of shit going on because the Daimyo's circle of merry men don't like me. They hate the thought of a bijuu vessel being the head honcho of the village. So, the way I see it, I'm going to need something that will give me the upper hand and let them know that I am not going to roll over and spread myself every time they want something."

Shikamaru thought about that for a second. He couldn't really see a valid reason as to why the Daimyo would be against Naruto ascending to the role of Hokage. But if the men that were directly under him did have a problem, then it was most likely because those men had an agenda. Whether or not that agenda could be dangerous to the village or the Daimyo himself was really up to question. Shikamaru would have to dig deeper on that one. If he ever bothered himself with that in any case. Which brought another detail to mind.

"Where do I come in then? I don't see how I can be useful leverage if I'm just a lowly assistant."

Naruto tapped his fingers on the table, "Normally a Hokage assistant is the Hokage's right hand man. Whatever the Hokage needs to get done the assistant makes sure those orders are carried out. I already have you down as my assistant in the registry form, but I plan to make some changes when I'm promoted."

Shikamaru frowned and sat up straighter in his chair, tapping his lighter on the table, "What sort of changes?"

Naruto's blue eyes looked him steadily in the eyes, "I want to give you a higher rank. A rank that will allow you to approve and make orders in regards to the village, the shinobi of this village and the missions that we take on. Of course, it is much more complicated than that but that is the basics of it."

Trepidation filled Shikamaru as he stared back at the blond, "What kind of rank are we talking about?"

"I want to make you my second in command."

Shikamaru scoffed, wondering for a moment if the blond was pulling his leg. But when he saw that Naruto was dead serious the half grin disappeared from his face.

"But there has never been a second in command before," Shikamaru's tone was half disbelieving and half mocking, "There has never been a need for a second command. What you're talking about is changing the entire system. Fuck the system, you want to change the form of government here in Konoha entirely. What the hell makes you think that will work?"

Naruto leaned forward, jabbing a finger onto the table, "Because you and I both know that the entire system is fucked up and becoming obsolete anyways. The whole leadership through inheritance thing lasted as long as it did because everyone is too stupid to see that our Daimyo is a fucking pansy maggot that doesn't know the first thing about the real world. They're too wrapped up in their little pampered worlds to really know what it's like. To know what the people of their nation have to go through because of the constant tax inflations and their petty little wars over fucking scrolls that don't say shit except who fucked who that month. There are bigger issues out there that need to be taken care of and I am not going to expend valuable assets to do these bullshit missions."

"And what makes you think that bringing me into the chain of command will change any of this?"

"Because you know shit. And you're good at using that information and I know you'll make good decisions."

"If that's the case then why not just make me Hokage?"

"Because I need to show these people that I have people loyal to me. That the people that I choose to surround myself with are real shinobi with real power and experience and that have seen real shit and that will not fall easily for bribery and extortion. Just so you know, I could have chosen Kiba, or Neji or fuck, maybe even Shino, even though he creeps the hell out of me."

Shikamaru pulled out a cigarette, "So, why me then?"

"Because I have faith in you." And Naruto looked so fucking honest and sincere and open in that moment that he could have said unicorns were real and that they were coming to take over the world and that they had to kill them all and Shikamaru would have believed that bullshit and done exactly what was asked of him. Naruto made that statement seem so real that Shikamaru was convinced that it was true and that the one who held real power was not the most powerful ninja to be, who was soon going to be appointed Hokage, but him, the fucking ex-junkie who had only been sober for a month and a half. As flattering as that sensation was, it also made him wary.

"You're still taking a lot of chances, Naruto. Everyone will question your judgment if you put me in as your second. It might jeopardize your credibility."

Naruto rolled his eyes, "You make it sound as though everyone knows you're in here. Nobody fucking cares what happens in a mental institution and I specifically asked for there to be no one in here while we talk. Only a handful of people know you are in here and all of them are smart enough to not say anything. I really wouldn't worry about that."

Shikamaru shook his head, "It's not just that, Naruto. A lot of people, shinobi and even some of the higher ups know what kind of shit I was into before coming here. I probably fucked most of them too. They could use that against me or you."

Naruto shrugged, "We'll worry about that later. If anything we can just use that kind of information as more leverage. I dunno, man, you're the one with the fucking brains and all. You think of something."

Shikamaru finally lit up his cigarette. There were so many things that could go wrong in Naruto's harebrained scheme. It almost seemed like an impossibility

what he was proposing. Changing the traditional form of leadership was not going to be easy and if anything went wrong it could mean civil war or rebellions or maybe a coups de etat from the inside. They would be risking a lot and might get assassinated for it. Then again, it occurred to Shikamaru that it didn't matter what he decided to do, Naruto was determined and single minded enough to carry through with his plan, with or without him.

Shikamaru took a long drag from his cigarette, looking at Naruto through the stream of smoke, "Will this affect my ANBU status?"

Naruto shook his head, "No. You'll have fewer missions, but aside from that you'll carry on as before."

Shikamaru nodded slowly, flicking ash and taking another hit. He quirked an eyebrow at the blond.

"Will I be getting a raise?"

Naruto smirked, "You'll definitely be making more than before," Naruto paused and his grin turned into a leer, "You'll also get the privilege of sucking my cock whenever you want."

Shikamaru made a sound of amusement in the back of his throat, "If you wanted some pointers to take home to Sasuke, all you had to do was ask."

Naruto laughed, "I really don't think there is anything left for me to learn at this point. But I guess I'll settle for a demonstration."

Shikamaru grinned, "We should include Sasuke, so he doesn't feel left out."

Naruto's face was lecherous, "That would be extremely hot and miraculous if you could pull that off." Naruto sighed with a measure of regret and leaned back in his chair, "But I think both of us are too attached to our balls to actually risk it."

Shikamaru took another drag from his cigarette, "Your right. Besides it would have defeated the whole purpose of going to rehab to treat a sex addiction."

Naruto let out a wry laugh, "Yeah, good point. How is that going by the way?" He asked s though he had forgotten all about why Shikamaru was in a mental hospital in the first place. Which, knowing Naruto, was most likely the case.

Shikamaru shrugged with one shoulder, "Not bad, I guess. But having to go over every childhood trauma will probably have me avoiding jumping into the sack with anyone for a while."

Naruto winced, "And here I am flirting, like a jackass."

Shikamaru looked at him impassively, "It's no big deal. I think the fact that I am not at all tempted in sleeping with you or your psychotic lover must mean that rehab really does work."

Naruto clutched a hand to his chest looking pained even though it was slightly joking.

"Wow, you really know how to throw down a guy's ego."

Shikamaru just shook his head, laughing despite himself. Naruto dropped his arm back down onto the table and looked at him seriously, all joking put off to the side.

"So does that mean we're good? Can I count on you?"

Shikamaru tapped the ash off his cigarette, his face unreadable.

"Yeah, you can count on me."

* * *

><p><strong>TBC<strong>

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I have several excuses as to why I have not updated as quickly as I should, but I can't be bothered to list them right now. Considering I have not recieved any entrees to the summary challenge, I can't give anyone a giftfic, so boo on you people. But, I feel generous today and I will think up a different challenge so that someone can get a giftfic. But, it's late, my brain has shut down for the day I will put out the challenge next chapter, that will come out sooner than this one, hopefully. Don't forget to review! (even if you just feel like cussing me out for not updating fast enough) Ciao!


	6. Black Milk

**CHAPTER SIX: BLACK MILK**

A soft breeze made the branches of the trees outside of the window sway gently. Beyond that Shikamaru could see the clinic common grounds, where several patients were wandering around. His gaze lingered on a familiar figure sitting on the grass making strange hand signs.

"Nara-san?"

Shikamaru turned to look at Dr. Miura. The middle aged man was giving him a patiently calm look that meant he had been trying to get Shikamaru's attention for some time. Shikamaru shifted a bit in the cushiony arm chair and raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah?"

Dr. Miura sighed, "I was saying, that considering this is your last day here at the clinic, we should do an overview of the progress you have made in two months."

Shikamaru rose a shoulder carelessly, "Whatever."

Determined, Dr. Miura pressed on, "So we started out with the abuse you had when you were six years old. We went over how that affected your ability to connect with other people and your self esteem and self image. We also talked about your parents-"

Shikamaru tuned him out. He had learned the hard way that trying to stop the good doctor from going off on one of his psychobabble diatribes was useless and just prolonged the torture. But that didn't stop him from ignoring the speech, which he found was an effective way of making Dr. Miura get to the point.

Finally, Dr. Miura got the hint, "You're not paying attention, are you?"

Shikamaru gave him a bored look, "I just don't see the point in going over all of this again. I think we've tortured ourselves enough over the past couple of months."

Dr. Miura sighed, closing the notepad he had opened on his lap, "I guess you're right. But I still need to make a last evaluation just to make sure."

Shikamaru shrugged, "Okay, let's get it over with then."

Dr. Miura turned to a fresh page in his notepad, "We've discussed your intimacy issues many times, but we've never really taken the time to find out if you feel at all ready to pursue a serious relationship. Why don't you tell me how you would feel about going into a long term commitment?"

Shikamaru shifted in his seat, "I don't know. I don't think I'm ready for that yet. I don't even know how a stable relationship works, so I'll probably be paranoid that I might screw it up."

Dr. Miura nodded slowly, jotting down some notes on his notepad, "One of the biggest hallmarks of a relationship is the potential to screw things up. We can't all be compatible, even if that person is perfect for us. What makes a stable relationship, in theory at least, is to be able to weather out those differences and understand the needs of the other person." Dr. Miura looked up from his note pad and gave Shikamaru a blank look, "You're right. You are not at all ready for that scope of emotional investment. I suggest more introspection until you figure out what you want out of life."

Shikamaru raised his eyebrows, "I'll take that into consideration."

Dr. Miura hummed, "Next question. What do you think about having sex at this point in your life? Do you think you can go back to just having casual sex every single day?"

There was a loose string in Shikamaru's shirt and he picked at it with his fingers. He thought about the question for a moment. Then he just scoffed.

"No. Using another person the way I was used is probably one of the worst turn off's I could think of right now. Not only that but I don't want my life to be all about getting the next high or who my next fuck is going to be. I want my life to have a purpose. One that actually matters."

"And you think working for the Hokage will give you that purpose?"

Shikamaru nodded, "Yeah, I can't see how it won't. I have no doubt that Naruto will be a brilliant Hokage and I want to help him lead this village in any way that I can. And for that I need my head to be at its clearest."

Dr. Miura nodded his head full of graying hair, "I have no doubt in my mind that you will succeed in that endeavor. Despite all of your faults and addictive behavior you are still the genius ninja you have always been. Point in hand, you were extremely difficult to submit into treatment. Probably one of the worst patients I have ever had."

Shikamaru smirked despite himself, "I had a great time with you too, Doc."

Doc gave him a wry look, "Yes, but I'm sure you never want to have to come back here again. I for one don't think my heart can stand another scare like the one it had two weeks after you arrived here."

Shikamaru shifted in his seat uncomfortably again in his chair, "I didn't think you cared so much, Doc." A dark look crossed his face, "Though I'm sort of glad that it happened here. I don't think I would have handled it very well if anyone I knew saw me at the lowest point in my life."

Shikamaru's hand drifted subconsciously towards his left forearm. The long sleeves of his shirt covered the thick scar that represented one of the weakest moments in his life.

Dr. Miura's face became sterner, "If you had survived at all. Though, I sincerely think you should find support in the few friends that you have. A lot of people will want to get close to you because of the position of power you are going to hold as the Hokage's second in command. I hope you are not naïve enough to fall for a false friendship."

Shikamaru laughed, "No, I am not. My bullshit meter is probably the only one thing still intact after all the crap I have gone through."

"Good." Dr. Miura made some notes, "There is still one more thing we need to address. You're going to have to continue with therapy."

Shikamaru tilted his head, his fingers clenching briefly against the arm of his chair, "Okay. How will that work out?"

Dr. Miura gave him another one of his steady stares, "There are psychiatric services in the Hokage Tower. Just ask Mr. Uzumaki. Though, I have already referred you to Dr. Momori. She is the best and will take good care of you."

Shikamaru nodded, "Does this have anything to do with preventing me from relapsing?"

Dr. Miura nodded, "It does have something to do with that, but it also really helps to have a professional help you through the transitions you'll be going through. You already have a history of clinical depression and it can be exactly that sort of stress that can trigger a relapse."

Dr. Miura took out a card and wrote some characters on the back of it before handing it over to Shikamaru.

"That is my card with my phone number if you ever feel the need to talk with me. On the back I put my home number just in case."

Shikamaru grinned, "I guess that will give me a good excuse to call you up in the middle of the night, then."

Dr. Miura gave him a flat look, "I'd rather you didn't."

Shikamaru shrugged and looked outside the window again. The person he had seen before was no longer there and he tried not to feel disappointed. He could feel Dr. Miura stare at him and when he looked back at the man he asked what he had wanted to ask since he entered the clinic.

"Are we done here?"

Dr. Miura sighed and closed his notepad for the last time. There was a flash of something in his dark eyes but Shikamaru didn't catch it in time to identify it.

"Yes, I guess we are."

* * *

><p>Shikamaru was intensely grateful for the soundproof walls that surrounded the Hokage office. Somehow he didn't think Sasuke went in there to discuss dinner plans with Naruto. Shikamaru scoffed and didn't resist t rolling his eyes. One would think that after eight months, having sex on the Hokage's desk would have lost some of its novelty.<p>

Fortunately, as second in command, Shikamaru had his own office. It wasn't as big as the Hokage's and it was just across the hall from the Hokage himself but it suited him just fine. Though, the blond blockhead did have the habit of bursting in whenever he wanted. A favor Shikamaru cheerfully returned.

Shikamaru picked up a file from a large pile. He flipped through the pages of the mission report idly taking in the information his photographic memory would automatically retain and made side notes here and there. He had just finished with the report and was pulling out the next one when he felt the hair on the back of his neck raise.

"You do realize we have doors for a reason, Furuichi-san?" Shikamaru said without looking up from his work. Hearing a slight shift of fabric and low intake of breath behind him, told Shikamaru that he had caught the highly trained ANBU ninja off guard.

There was slight pause before a low flat voice floated out from beneath the mask.

"I apologize, Nara-sama. But a new mission request has just come through regarding intel we collected for a high profile client."

Shikamaru sighed and threw down his pen. He slumped back into his chair and swiveled it around to face the ninja that had been standing behind him. Stretching his long legs in front of him and resting his cheek against his fist he gave the ANBU a bored look.

"And how is this mission any different from all of the other requests we get from high profile clients? Why should I take it into special consideration since we have a long waiting list of other high profile cases from high profile clients?"

The ninja paused for a moment seeming to figure out the best way to understand before finally just taking out a large scroll and holding it out in front of him towards Shikamaru.

"I think you should see for yourself, sir."

Shikamaru quirked an eyebrow, before dropping his hand into his lap and taking the surprisingly heavy scroll. It was protected with several advanced seals that Shikamaru was able to identify almost instantly. He turned towards his desk and breaking the seals, unrolled the scroll over the documents already cluttering his desk. The disinterested look vanished as he read, his eyebrows drawing down together as his expression became more serious.

"Why didn't you go directly with the Hokage with this?" He asked the ANBU ninja as he looked up at him.

This time a slight tone of discomfort seeped into the ninja's flat voice.

"Ah, he seemed a bit…indisposed at the moment. I thought it would have been better if you were the one to give him the news."

Shikamaru resisted the urge to scoff, "That's fine. I'll fill him in. You're dismissed."

The ANBU bowed down at the waist before disappearing in a cloud of smoke. By the time the smoke had dissipated Shikamaru was already at the door, exiting his office and crossing the hallway to gain access to the Hokage's office.

And of course, walked right into Naruto driving himself and his lover into violent climax. Though Shikamaru knew that he shouldn't, he still found himself pausing just to take in the scene unfolding before him.

Tan skin stretched over hard muscle glistened with sweat as Naruto's bare chest heaved with heavy breaths and moans, his large hands gripping pale hips tightly as he pounded into the writhing body underneath him. His powerful body looked mightily impressive flexing and shifting as he fucked violently into his lover. Dark blue eyes simmered with lust as he looked down at his lover. Shikamaru didn't blame him, Sasuke looked absolutely glorious sprawled over Naruto's desk arching and twisting into every one of Naruto's brutal thrusts, taking his thick cock down to the hilt. Sasuke's face was flushed, his lips parted as his moans were getting louder, very obviously on the brink of exploding. Sasuke grabbed Naruto's head by his blond hair and pulled him down into a searing kiss as he came violently all over himself, his legs tightening around his lover's waist and bucking his hips franticly to prolong the pleasure. It didn't take long for Naruto to come as well, tearing himself away from red swollen lips to bite down on Sasuke's shoulder as he fucked deeply into Sasuke to ride out his orgasm.

Shikamaru faltered. For a second, a small step, a heartbeat. He knew why it had happened but instead of letting himself dwell on anything that had nothing to do with the scroll in his hand, he grit his teeth and pressed on as if nothing happened.

When Naruto untangled himself from Sasuke, still out of breath and flushed, it was only to jump nearly a foot in the air when he saw his second in command standing in front of his desk with a thoroughly unimpressed look on his face.

"Fuck! What the hell, Shikamaru?"

Ignoring Sasuke's upside down glare, Shikamaru held out the scroll to his Hokage who was still half naked with his spent cock hanging out of his open pants.

"You need to take a look at this." Pulling up his pants and tucking himself away, Naruto frowned before taking the scroll.

Sasuke stood up from the desk to pull on his clothes that had been tossed aside while Naruto sat down in his chair to read the scroll. Pale eyebrows slanted towards each other as Naruto read the parameters of the mission request.

"When did this come in?" Naruto asked Shikamaru without looking away from the scroll.

"A few minutes before you came in Sasuke's ass." Shikamaru did nothing to hide the smirk when Sasuke's glare became sharper. Naruto tried not to laugh, and instead focused on the rather serious information on the scroll.

"It says here that there has been a leak of important Konoha information to one of the biggest crime organizations in this part of the world. The daimyo himself issued out orders to eradicate the mole and the entire organization."

Shikamaru nodded, "It explains why there has been an increase in botched missions in the past two months."

Naruto frowned, "I thought it was just one percent?"

"Konoha only takes three hundred missions per month. One percent is a big deal." Sasuke put in his two cents as he leaned his hip against the desk he had just been fucked into. "From what I understand those failed missions were mostly due to bad intel."

Shikamaru nodded, "Yes, and there are certain regions were these missions have taken place."

"Have these regions been plotted out?" Naruto asked as he leaned back into his chair.

"Yes, but we haven't been able to investigate them because of the sudden rise in mission requests. All high ranking ninja capable of this kind of recon work are either too far away or on long term missions."

Naruto stayed silently thoughtful for a moment, "Pull together a four man team anyways. I want the best surveillance specialists on this case. I don't care if you have to pull them from their current missions."

"But what about the possible mole?" Shikamaru asked even as he was already making a list of potential candidates for the team.

Naruto raised an eyebrow at him, "I think you can figure out for yourself who is friend and who is foe."

* * *

><p>Neji had been a bit confused as to why he was pulled from an escort mission halfway through. Though if he were honest, he wasn't complaining. If he had to hear one more clumsy and tacky come on from the prepubescent spoiled son of a political dignitary he would have probably cut the kid.<p>

The intrigue only heightened when he was directed towards a residential home in the heart of the city for the briefing instead of the Hokage tower. Neji used his henge technique to enter the building and was startled to see a withered old woman keeping guard at the entrance. She looked up at him with round dark tinted glasses.

"Are you Inoue's son?"

In the second scroll that Neji received at the entrance gates there had been an address that led him to this house and instructions on how to respond to the safety questions he had to memorize before the scroll could self destruct. Having recognized the question, Neji did not hesitate to respond.

"Yes, I came here to pick up the tea leaves she ordered from you."

The old woman nodded, "Very well, you can come in."

Neji stepped into the dimly lit residence and looked around the sparsely decorated residence. The old woman shut the door, taking more than a minute to set an exaggerated amount of locks into place to secure the door. Once she was done, she led Neji to the middle of the room where she turned around to face him.

"Drop your henge."

He did as was asked and she nodded her old withered head and then clasped her hands together into a seal. The hardwood floor around them lit up in a blue glowing circle, with jagged runes swirling towards the middle. Straight lines drew themselves in the circle forming a perfect square. The square sunk down into the floor and Neji shifted on his feet as they were lowered into what at first looked like absolute darkness.

But as they reached the bottom, Neji's powerful eyes were able to cut through the gloom and see a rather large basement area stocked with a collection of weapons that would have made Ten-Ten act like a kid in a toy shop. A lightbulb flickered on and it was revealed that one wall was a huge map of every ninja country in existence, hundreds of little flags pinpointing spots on the map, clustering around different locations on the map.

Incoherent shadows regained their form and when Neji turned to look next to him at the old woman it was to find Shikamaru standing there instead. There was a moment in which Neji considered leaving but then he remembered that the reason he had been pulled from his mission was highly classified and urgent. He turned to look at the other person in the room.

"Hello, Aburame-san."

Shino nodded his shrouded head, "Hyuuga."

"Well, now that you two are done having such a sentimental reunion, why don't we get started?" Shikamaru said dryly as he went to sit on one of the chairs around a small square table.

Neji raised an eyebrow, "No one else is coming?"

Shikamaru shrugged as he sat in the chair in his typical sprawled out fashion, "There is one more person. But they are most likely going to be arriving late, so we might as well get a head start."

Neji nodded to himself. Truth be told, Neji was a little apprehensive about being in such close quarters with the Nara. They hadn't really spoken to each other at all since Shikamaru got out of rehab and was appointed second in command. It had been a big surprise to everyone in the village that Naruto would make such a bold move that could very well separate the village from the daimyo. Surprisingly enough the daimyo has presented himself as strangely tolerant to the change.

A change that had Shikamaru much busier than ever before. Neji only had brief glimpses here and there and the occasional encounter when he was assigned a mission. And every time that Neji worked up the courage to go talk to Shikamaru about the argument that happened nearly a year before he almost always ended up putting it off at the last minute. It made him a bit anxious as to how the two were going to be able to work together on whatever mystery mission they had going on at the moment. It didn't quite help that Shikamaru looked a lot healthier than that morning at the memorial and was impossibly sexy in the dim lighting and dark clothes without having to even try.

It would seem that no matter how much time and distance got in between, Neji's eyes would always find a moment to take in that lithely muscled body in tight dark clothing and dark slanted eyes that would make his heart skip a beat.

Almost unbidden, Neji was forcibly reminded of the night Shikamaru had let him top for the first time. Of the way he had taken his time to undress the Nara, exploring every inch of delicious caramel skin with tongue and fingers, allowing himself to revel in the feeling of that wonderful body writhe and move under him as he penetrated him in slow deep thrusts that left both their worlds spinning.

Quickly shutting those thoughts off, Neji made himself move to stand in front of the map.

"So why are we here?" Neji could feel Shikamaru track his every move from his side of the room. And though he did not say anything he was also very aware of Shino's presence and for some odd reason Neji refused to demonstrate any behavior that may seem in any way unprofessional.

"There have been reports of a leak here in Konoha." Shikamaru drawled after a heavy pause. Though his tone was disinterested, the sharp intensity in his eyes told everyone in the room that the second in command was taking the leak as a very personal offense.

"Are these the leaks that tipped off my target a month ago?" Shino's face was not visible under the black goggles and deep hood but there was an edge to his deep voice that made it quite clear that he was displeased with having been denied his prey. A low buzz rose from the depths of his heavy coat that made Neji's hairs on the back of his neck stand on end.

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow, "Yes, along with a significant amount of other failed missions. I had already started to notice a pattern but it seems that someone beat me to it."

"Now, that is a surprise." Everyone in the room turned to look at the sudden appearance of the fourth person that had finally arrived.

"Kakashi, I see you finally decided to crawl out of your hole and arrive on time." Shikamaru paused, "Sort of."

The white haired veteran shrugged with one shoulder, "Your scroll seemed pretty urgent and mysterious at the same time. I admit it had me quite intrigued. Enough to make me want to, as you put it, crawl out of my hole."

Shikamaru smirked and leaned further down in his chair pulling up his leg to rest his ankle on his other knee. Neji couldn't help but notice the way Kakahi's uncovered eye roved over Shikamaru's tight shirt that clearly defined his chest. Neji felt something twist inside him, though he wasn't quite sure what it was.

"Well, good. We don't have much time and I want to get rid of this problem as fast as possible."

Kakashi nodded without saying anything. During the entire meeting, no matter how hard he tried not to, Neji kept noticing the way the older man would not let his eyes stray away from the dark haired second in commander.

* * *

><p>It had taken them six weeks to figure out who the mole was and the persons whom he affiliated with. One of the main reasons they were able to advance so quickly were due to Neji's and Shino's advanced abilities in infiltration. Neji's eyes could see through walls and Shino had bred a new species of bug that could perfectly imitate and memorize sound of any kind. Which meant that not only were they able to see what was going on, but they were also able to have recorded conversations. And between Shikamaru and Kakashi's knowledge of all things Konoha and the people who worked for the village, they were able to predict a certain profile that helped them determine a list of viable suspects.<p>

One of the best benefits of being the second in command is that Shikamaru didn't have to go around the usual bureaucratic bullshit to get things done on his own. So by the time he had contacted Naruto to tell him who the mole was, the traitor was already in their custody and awaiting interrogation.

"Good." Was all that Naruto had said when Shikamaru went to tell him the news, "Make sure to squeeze every shred of information that you can from him. I don't have to tell you to use as much force as necessary."

That was Shikamaru's green light to use his most effective forms of torture. Even Ibiki was impressed.

The traitor's name was Shinji Kaoru. He was ANBU. One of the very best. An expert in deportment and infiltration. Who also was unsatisfied with his current paycheck as a top rank ninja. From what Shikamaru could gather between terrified sobs and pleas, the man had started to sell information to the highest bidder on the black market. It wasn't at all surprising to find out that the highest bidder also happened to be one of the largest criminal organizations that have so far eluded the authorities.

The man had even known the names of all high ranking members of the organization and was able to tell Shikamaru the whereabouts to one of their main hideouts. Shinji had planned to use that information to sell it to a smaller but rival crime syndicate. All this proved to Shikamaru that Shinji was one ambitious piece of shit.

With that information in hand, Shikamaru headed immediately to the Hokage office. For once Naruto was using the desk for what it was supposed to be used for.

"The Black Hand, eh? They go all the way back to the Sandaime's era. Not even Tsunade was able to get within hundred kilometers of this organization." Naruto said as he leaned back in his chair looking over the information Shikamaru had brought him. "This is obviously not their only hideout. That would be too easy."

Shikamaru draped an arm over the back of his chair, "We could always do a covert hit. Make it seem like nothing happened and lure the rest of members into one place so that we can take them down in one blow."

Naruto tapped his fingers on his desk, "There might be the possibility that not all of them will come, though. We would have to take captives."

Shikamaru nodded, "Then we will take as many high ranking members alive for interrogation as we can. Anyone without useful information will be executed on the spot."

Naruto nodded approvingly and leaned forward, grinning at his second in command, "And I assume you already have several plans laid out waiting for me in that pretty little head of yours, right?"

Shikamaru grinned back at him, but instead of answering he took out a cigarette and lit it up.

"Let's get started then."

* * *

><p>It was a day before the raid when Neji went to see him. It had taken them nearly three days to arrive at the location of the hideout and were scouting the general premises under the cover of nighttime to verify the information that Shinji had given them. So far, it looked as though he had not been lying to Shikamaru.<p>

Neji had just finished his shift and with the knowledge that everyone else was asleep or resting and that Shikamaru was most likely alone in his tent going over the final mission details and statistics, he finally decided to take a chance.

He paused just outside the tent entrance, not having the slightest idea of to proceed when a low voice answered his doubts.

"Come in."

Stomach twisting and heart fluttering his chest, Neji pushed aside the tent flap to step inside.

"Hey."

Shikamaru looked up at the sound of his voice. It looked as though he had been going over some blueprints. But for a moment all Neji could note was that Shikamaru was not wearing a shirt.

He was still on the thin side but he had well built muscle that flexed easily under his tan skin. He was barefoot, wearing a pair of loose pants that slung low under his sharp hipbones, making Neji want to tug them off and ravage the stupidly sexy Nara.

Neji swallowed thickly trying hard to quell the growing desire in the pit of his stomach and was almost glad when Shikamaru stood up and leaned against the table and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Hey. You needed something?"

Neji shook his head looking down at his feet, "Uh, no. I just wanted to talk to you, if you're available."

Shikamaru shrugged, "I have time."

Neji took a moment to gather his thoughts that had scattered the minute he saw Shikamaru's bare chest. Strengthening whatever resolve he could scrounge up, he looked up into Shikamaru's eyes.

"I wanted to apologize for what happened that morning at the memorial stones."

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow, "Don't you think it's a little late for that? It happened almost a year ago."

Ignoring his beating heart that didn't seem to want to calm down, Neji grit his teeth and did not allow himself to give up.

"I know it has been a while, but I truly regret what I said that day. I was angry and I may have said some things that I did not mean or believe in."

Shikamaru uncrossed his arms lowering his hands to rest them on the edge of the table.

"Why are you telling me this?"

Neji opened his mouth before closing it again. He really had no idea why after all this time he felt the need to do this, other than it had been something that had been nagging at him for most of the past year.

"I just…didn't want our last conversation to end like that. I have always respected you as a shinobi and knowing that you have changed, makes me want us to get along better, maybe even become friends along the way."

At that point Neji had to force himself to shut up. Where the hell the notion of them ever being friends came from, Neji had no idea. Even more disconcerting than that, was that Neji found himself not entirely against the notion. A deeper smaller secret part of Neji even had the small hope of them becoming something more.

But looking at the way Shikamaru had raised an eyebrow at him and was not saying anything made Neji think that he was most likely getting way ahead of himself. The realization had him backpeddling. Very awkwardly.

"Uh, but, you know that- um that, d-uh doesn't have to, you know, have to, have to happen or anything. It was just…" Shaking his head and trying to stop his hands from waving around the air stupidly and getting to lower his voice back down to its normal octave, Neji just gave up.

"You know what, you can just forget everything I said." He said in a rush to the Nara who was now beginning to look amused with the Hyuuga's display, "You don't even have to accept my apology. I'm just- I'm just gonna go…"

Neji trailed off and began to turn around to walk out of the tent, his face burning in embarrassment, already mentally kicking himself for acting so stupid and blaming Shikamaru for being shirtless. But before he could pull back the tarp, a hand gripping his forearm stopped him. When he turned to look at Shikamaru, not only was he still shirtless, but he had a strange look on his face.

"You're really bad at apologizing, aren't you?"

Fighting the small smile that wanted to tug at his lips, Neji shoved Shikamaru.

"Shut up."

Neji pouted a bit when Shikamaru just laughed at him. Shikamaru gave him another penetrating look that was more curious than intense.

"You know I should probably apologize as well. From what I recall, I gave you a pretty good punch to the jaw."

"Pfft, hardly. An eight year old girl could throw a better punch than you." Neji quipped back, causing Shikamaru to smile again. It was a phenomenon that Neji was beginning to take great pleasure in. For a moment there was something in Shikamaru's eyes that Neji couldn't quite identify. It made him feel like a bug under mircroscope.

"You know…I think I wouldn't be at all opposed to being friends." He said the first part slowly, as though he were going over possibility in his head even as he said it out loud.

Had he not been a highly disciplined Hyuuga, Neji would have swallowed his own tongue. Then again he probably wouldn't have blathered on like he did earlier, either.

"What?"

Shikamaru gave him another smile and Neji was suddenly very aware of how close they were standing to each other. A strange…something seemed to go through Shikamaru's eyes as he looked at Neji, seeming to trace his every facial feature, but Neji was still reeling over the last comment and at how good Shikamaru smelled to pay that much attention.

"I just think it would be nice to get to know you. Seeing as there wasn't that much time for words the last time we wanted to get to know each other."

Now Neji was positive the Nara was playing him. Neji scoffed and narrowed his eyes.

"Well, so much for the reformed man act."

Shikamaru looked surprised and exclaimed loudly, "Hey! I am reformed, changed and all that jazz."

An incredulous scoff was his answer.

Shikamaru didn't hold back the chuckle rumbling in the back of his throat, "Well, since you don't believe me I guess I won't be able to invite you over for dinner once we're done with this shin dig."

Neji raise an eyebrow, "At your house?"

Shikamaru nodded, "Yeah, some of the guy's are going to be there as well, so it won't be just us. It would be nice if you could come over though."

"Guys…?"

"Just Naruto, Sasuke, Shino…Sakura and Lee maybe. Ino and Chouji too, if they decide to take a break from making wedding plans."

"Oh, well…I guess I'll go then."

Shikamaru nodded, seeming to not care at all that he was still smiling, "Great."

They stood there silently for a moment longer, Shikamaru giving Neji that strange look again. Neji's breath hitched when one of Shikamaru's hands suddenly came up to his face, brushing a strand of hair away from his face. He had to fight against every nerve in his body to not lean into the touch when Shikamaru withdrew, dragging his knuckles lightly over the soft skin of his cheek.

The moment was broken when Shikamaru cleared his throat, though his voice was a bit husky when he spoke, "You should get some rest. The raid will start within five hours."

Neji nodded a bit absentmindedly, "Okay, I'll see you later."

It was just before he turned to leave that Neji caught the slightly sad look on the Nara's face. But instead of asking about it, or even allowing himself to wonder about it, he walked out of the tent.

* * *

><p>Nearly an hour later after Neji left, Shikamaru received his second visitor. He was introducing new variables that the scouts had collected into his plan simulation when he felt the presence behind him. He knew who it was before the low voice even begun to whisper into his ear.<p>

"You've been working awfully hard, lately. Maybe you should take a break."

Shikamaru sighed.

"What do you want, Kakashi?"

"Mmmm, what's with the cold voice? Don't miss me as much as I missed you?"

Shikamaru put down his brush. What he had not missed was the way the other man had watched him during the entire time they had worked together. He was greatly surprised that Kakashi had waited so long before making a move.

"I didn't realize I would be missed." Shikamaru's eyes fluttered when he felt soft lips brush against his neck, trying very hard not to lean into the first physical contact that he's had since he got out of the clinic.

Kakashi put his hands on his shoulders, nuzzling into his neck, seeming to breath in his scent, "'Course you were. First you disappear off of the face of the earth and then all of the sudden reemerge as the Hokage's right hand man… Tell me, how many times did you have to fuck Naruto to convince him to give you the position? I'd like to know the details."

Shikamaru stood from his chair. Turning around, he pinned Kakashi with his blackest glare.

"I think you should leave."

Kakashi wasn't perturbed at all by the glare and just pressed in closer. Shikamaru noticed that the man had taken off his mask and his eyes lowered to look at the well formed mouth as it began to speak.

"Why? From what I remember you used to enjoy a good hard pre-mission fuck every now and then."

Shikamaru's eyes flicked up to look at Kakashi's eye. He licked his lips and tried to ignore the slam of arousal in his gut when he saw that Kakashi's pupil dilated as it followed the movement of his tongue.

"This is really not a good tim-"

Shikamaru was cut off when Kakashi crushed their lips together. It was pathetic how easily he gave into those lips, opening his mouth and letting Kakashi explore at his leisure.

But damn, it had been way too fucking long since Shikamaru last felt something like this. The rasp of sharp teeth along his lower lip, long fingers gripping the back of his head to tilt him in just the right angle, a warm body pressing against his, hard, willing and ready.

Kakshi pushed forward some more until Shikamaru felt the edge of the table dig into the small of his back. Shikamaru moaned when the talented mouth began to suck on his neck. Kakashi bit down hard on his skin when their hips began to grind against each other.

Shikamaru knew that things would only begin to escalate even faster if he didn't stop this. But it was hard to think about stopping when it had been so long. It got even more challenging when Kakashi gripped his thighs and spread them apart and began to move even faster.

It was just when Shikamaru was about to give in completely that the memory struck him with nearly jarring force.

_Large calloused fingers dug painfully into his thigh, the other hand snaking up into his shirt as he was pressed into the hard surface. His stomach roiled sickeningly and he had to clench his teeth hard until they ached when a hot tongue licked his ear._

"_God, it's been too long. I've missed you so much Shika-kun. Did you miss me? 'Cuz I haven't been able to stop thinking about you."_

_Tears rolled down his plump cheek when impatient hands began to tear at his clothing. His parents were away on another mission after a month of well deserved down time from duty. For an entire month Shikamaru almost felt like he could go back to being a normal kid. To just enjoy the time he had with his parent's and not be afraid of the dark and be able to sleep peacefully and go to his parents room every time he had a nightmare. It felt like a dream come true. But instead, it had all been a lie. _

_His parents had gone back to work and Uncle Hiro was back to babysitting him overnight while they were away._

_By the time he was naked, he could not stop crying and his entire body trembled in fear of the pain he knew was to come. He couldn't stop himself from crying out pitifully when the man who had been tormenting him for so long pressed into him in one deep thrust._

"_Please! Stop!"_

Shikamaru was jerked out of the memory with a sharp gasp. Heart beating wildly he shoved Kakashi away from him and he scrambled to the other side of the room. Wiping the back of his hand over his mouth, Shikamaru tried to quell the sickening fear churning in his gut as he stared at Kakashi with wide eyes.

Kakashi raised an eyebrow at him and walked over to him slowly as though not to startle him more. Shikamaru's hands curled into tight fists when Kakashi reached out to touch his arm. When he flinched, Kakashi withdrew his hand.

"Hey, are you all right?"

Seeing the genuine concern on the copy ninja's face forced another memory to flash through Shikamaru's mind. Though, this one was much more recent.

[_"Shikamaru-kun! What are you doing here after class! You are supposed to be practicing your kunai throws!"_

_Shikamaru blinked at the familiar voice floating down at him from where he was sitting on one of the recreational tables that was only occupied by an incomplete shogi set. Looking up, his eyes widened in wonder._

"_Iruka-sensei?"_

_The brunette scoffed loudly at him, "Who else would it be, brat? You need to get along home now, before I send your parents a note."_

_Shikamaru looked around him wondering if maybe he was having some weird dream that featured his former academy sensei. But he was still in the recreation wing of the clinic, with all the patients and nurses that occupied his present. A loud gasp made him look back to the ghost of his past. Iruka's eyes were wide and worried as he happened to see Shikamaru's bandaged forearm. Observing Iruka more closely, he could see that the man was dressed in the plain clinic robes and that his hair was down. The faint lines creasing his eyes and mouth made Shikamaru realize that what he was seeing was absolutely real._

"_Just what have you done to yourself now, Nara Shikamaru?" Shikamaru winced when the ex-Academy teacher took a hold of his arm. The wound was still fairly fresh and pained him when he moved it too abruptly._

"_Uh… I hurt myself by accident when I was practicing with the kunai?"_

_Iruka sighed and shook his head. He let go of Shikamaru's arm and put his hands on his hips giving him a fondly exasperated look._

"_What am I to do with you, Shikamaru-kun? If you weren't so lazy and practiced more you would not have any accidents."_

_Shikamaru had no idea why he went along with Iruka, since he was clearly out of his mind but he really had no idea what to do. Iruka had disappeared two months after a tragic Academy field trip where twelve children had perished under the surprise attack of a group of rogue ninja. There had been rumors of an emotional breakdown, but Shikamaru never knew them to be true and had started to suspect that the sensei might have ended up killing himself._

"_I'm sorry, Iruka-sensei. I'll make sure to practice more often from now on."_

_Iruka nodded seriously, "Good, that's what I like to hear."_

_He looked over at the clock hanging on the wall. A frown dipped down on his lips and for a moment he looked as though he forgot that Shikamaru was even there._

"_Iruka-sensei, is something-"_

"_Umino-san! There you are!"_

_A woman's voice cut him off before he could finish and they both turned to see a flustered nurse bustling through the room towards them. The woman panted a bit when she arrived at Iruka's side giving the older man a slightly admonishing look._

"_You know better than to leave just like that, Umino-san. Goodness, I turn for a second and you suddenly disappear. What would my supervisor say? Come along then, it's almost time for your daily exercise."_

_Iruka looked confused by the nurses' presence, but didn't really say anything about it. In the end he let himself be steered out of the rec wing. But just before he could get too far he turned around and looked back at Shikamaru as though he had just remembered something._

"_By the way, if you see Kakashi, please tell him that I've been waiting for him. He has such a bad habit of being awfully late. It's been nearly an hour!"_

Looking at Kakashi right at that moment and thinking about what he had almost allowed to happen had Shikamaru's stomach doing nauseating somersaults in his abdomen.

"I can't." Shikamaru's barely rose to that of a silent whisper but Kakashi managed to hear it. He frowned as though he wasn't sure what to think about that.

"What do you mean? Wha- what the hell is wrong with you?"

Shikamaru swallowed thickly, before finding his voice again, "I've talked to Iruka-sensei. Just recently. He barely recognized me at first, but there were times when he was lucid enough to understand what was going on."

Kakashi's face changed completely at the mention of his former lover's name. He looked like he had just been slapped after being told that his puppy had died.

"Wha- what do you mean-" Kakashi shook his head as though trying to regain some sense, "Wait, you can't have seen him. No one knows where he is. I made sure of that."

Shikamaru finally looked up, his angular eyebrows slanting down to meet in the middle.

"You mean…You were trying to hide him?"

Without his mask to hide his expressions, Kakashi looked visibly distraught, "Only to save him from unnecessary stress. I had…no idea how he would handle a visit from a former student."

Then Kakashi looked at Shikamaru as though he had grown a second head. "So, you were at the clinic. That is where you found him? That is where you disappeared off to?"

Shikamaru nodded numbly, "I went in for rehab. The first time I came across him was by pure accident, but after that it just became easier and easier to come across him."

Kakashi slowly backed away, dawning realization coming down on his face. He stayed silent for a moment before looking up at Shikamaru again. His expression was sad and a touch apprehensive when he made his question.

"How is he? Is he being treated alright there?"

Shikamaru gave a small one shouldered shrug, "He has his good days and he has his bad days. The staff at the clinic seem to be handling it pretty well though. The first time I saw him he thought I was still in the Academy."

"Did he always think that?"

"It varied. Once he confused me with a different student from another generation. The one thing that never seemed to change though, was that he would always ask for you."

Kakashi's eye widened, "He-he asks for me?"

Shikamaru kept his face blank as he continued to speak, "'Where is Kakashi? Why is he always late? When will I get to see him?' It's the same question but with different words. He's always thinking about you, because he misses you. He still loves you. Despite the confusion, he is still in love with you. That will never change."

Holding his hands in the air, Kakashi squeezed his eye shut, "Wait, stop, just- just stop."

But Shikamaru didn't feel like stopping. The memory of Iruka constantly asking for a lover that will never show up would not allow him.

"After I got out, I still visited him. The staff was hesitant to allow me access but considering that I am now second in command to the Hokage, they were able to over look the visitation restriction. The last time I saw him was about a week ago. It was one of those times he was aware of what was going on. He knew that you put him there and why. He knows that you won't visit him because you can't bare the sight of him. He knows that you don't ever want to have to think about him ever again because he is no longer the person you fell in love with. He knows all of this and yet he still loves you, he still cares about you, which is why he remains in the clinic, out of your way so that you can still live your life while he rots away in an institution."

By the time Shikamaru finished saying his part Kakashi was no longer the confident, cocksure man that had come to him seeking a good romp in bed. He looked broken hearted, defeated and tired all at the same time. He looked old.

"Why are you doing this?" His voice was low and raw and it occurred to Shikamaru that he was most likely being insensitive. But he was past the point of caring.

"Because you and I both know that he deserves better."

Kakashi just gave him one last weary look, before deciding to just give up all together and left Shikamaru's tent.

Shikamaru sighed and slumped down onto his cot. He dragged a hand down his face, feeling suddenly emotionally drained now that he was alone. He wanted nothing more than to sleep so that time could move forward and tomorrow would come along faster.

**TBC...**

**AN: **I kind of hate this chapter for being such a thorn in my side :/ There will be more delays with updates because I just got back into school and I really don't have much time for writing. In fact I'm supposed to be studying instead of updating this thing. (oh, well, fuck school ;P).

On another note, I send a shout out to EatEmUp, for at least making a valiant attempt at the summary challenge. May the super sexy bishies pleasure you in all your dreams n_nb. That being said here is the next challenge for my faithful readers who put up with my shitty update timelines. (I really do love you guys and will do my best to deliver the giftfic as promised).

I mentioned before that misery is my muse and I was in fact going through a hard time when I started out with this fic (notice the angst?) but what really sets the mood and drives me to keep writing and adding more to this story is music. This particular fic (as with many other fics on this sight) has it's own special little soundtrack. Not all of the songs are directly related to the fic itself but it was probably something I was listening at the time while working on it. The challenge for you guys will be...guess all of the songs on the soundtrack. The first three people who guess correctly will get a recognition at the end of the next S&S chapter and a giftfic with the pairing of their choosing (kinks included ;D). Hint ('cuz I want someone to win): check the chapter titles. Good luck!


	7. Paradise Circus

CHAPTER SEVEN: PARADISE CIRCUS

Even though everything looked the same, there was still something off that nagged at Moriya in the back of his mind. The main hideout of the Black Hand was sitting serenely before him, just a few meters away from where he stood in the forest that surrounded the large building. Logically he knew nothing could be amiss, because the guards, men he knew and often talked to, were standing at the entrance as usual. The security looked just as functional as always. The hideout itself was whole and there was no indication that something could be wrong. And yet…

"Oi! Moriya! What the hell are you waiting for! The boss' will be mad if we don't arrive on time. They almost cut off a finger the last time we were late, remember?"

Moriya looked ahead at his companion, Saito, who was giving him an impatient look as he dawdled at the edge of the forest. They were leading a small group of men that represented a very small part of the Black Hand. They were mostly thugs and hustlers, while Moriya and Saito carried out most of the smuggling and selling.

They passed through the entrance. Moriya nodded towards the two armed guards and they responded the greeting. Moriya frowned a bit when he couldn't help but notice something different about their posture. Usually those two were very laidback and were not at all above taking a few tokes while on the job. But now they stood up straight and were actually looking around at the forest in alertness as though waiting for an ambush.

Despite Moriya's misgivings, they still entered the building. He was looking over his shoulder at the strangely behaving guards and missed the way Saito, who was walking ahead of him, suddenly jerk to a stop then flail for a moment before freezing completely. Moriya turned back around to his companion.

"Hey, Saito, don't you think they were acting…?" The question died on his lips when he saw his friend just standing there rigidly, trembling and getting red in the face as though he was severly constipated.

"Hey, you okay man?" Saito didn't respond. In fact, he looked like he was struggling just to wrench his jaw open to speak. Moriya looked at the other men, who just shrugged and looked just as confused as he did.

A heartbeat later, Saito struck.

The last thing Moriya saw, was his friends anguished face as he slashed open his throat in a stunning spray of blood.

* * *

><p>A ninja that had been impersonating one of the entrance guards, let out a low whistle as he looked around at the carnage.<p>

"Now that is what I call getting the dirty work done."

Shikamaru was crouched down next to the body of Moriya, the cut across the corpse's throat so severe it had almost decapitated him. He looked up at the other ninja and grinned.

"That's the Konoha way, baby. By the way you should work on your impersonation; this guy could definitely tell something was up when he saw you."

The ninja just shrugged and Shikamaru went back to inspecting the bodies strewn haphazardly all over the room. Once he was satisfied with what he found, Shikamaru stepped over the various body parts and pools of coagulating blood towards a back room that was once used as one of the boss's office but they had improvised it to use it as a holding cell. Shikamaru entered the room where Saito "The Pitbull" was being held captive.

His behavior had changed very drastically in the past two hours. When Shikamaru lifted the jutsu that had made the man turn on his companions and kill them, the man had been in a state of panicked hysteria. Now he just sat there, covered in the blood of his friends, tied down onto the chair, in a state of numb shock. He didn't even look up when Shikamaru entered the room.

Shikamaru looked over at the chuunin that had been watching over the captive, catching her eye and nodding silently to dismiss her. She nodded back and walked out of the room, leaving them alone.

Shikamaru dragged a chair over in front of the prisoner and sat down. He didn't say anything, just took out a cigarette and lit it up. Shikamaru sat there silently, looking at the captive with a penetrating gaze, occasionally taking a hit from his cigarette.

The cherry was halfway down the stick when Saito lifted his head up slowly, the look on his face haggard and wild as he looked up at Shikamaru.

"You…" His voice was raw and low from screaming his head off earlier, "You…are all going to _pay_."

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow, "Why? You were the one to cut apart your buddies in a murderous rampage."

"Lies." Saito said between his teeth, his tremulous with rage, "You're lying. You did something to me. What the fuck did you do to me!"

He was shouting by the time he finished talking and breathing heavily between clenched teeth.

Shikamaru shrugged, exhaling a long stream of smoke, "I didn't do anything. You just went berserk all of a sudden and started killing everyone. Like you were possessed or something."

Shikamaru said the last part with a subtle hint of emphasis in an otherwise calm tone. Saito's eyes widened and he started yelling incoherently jerking and struggling against his binds franticly. Shikamaru didn't move, already knowing that the wire tying the captive to the chair was specially reinforced and that he had no chance escaping in a building swarming with Konoha ninja.

Shikamaru waited for the drug trafficker to calm down. Finally the man with shaggy dark brown hair slumped down in his chair limply, his spit splattered chin resting against his chest and beads of sweat rolling down his forehead and cheeks.

Dropping the spent butt onto to the ground and stepping on it with the heel of his boot, Shikamaru crossed his arms over his chest and gave his captive a blank look.

"Why did you and your lackeys arrive a week late after the summons?"

Saito did not look up, nor did he respond.

"You might want to answer. It has been a real pain in the ass having to wait around for you bitches to show up and I am quite frankly out of patience."

A surly, "Good, fucker," was his response.

Shikamaru sighed, "You're being awfully troublesome."

Saito mumble something under his breath.

"Didn't catch that. You're going to have to speak up a bit, babe."

"What…what did you do to them?" Saito just barely spoke above that of a whisper.

Shikamaru tilted his head, "Them…?"

"Th-the others…Okura-sama and everyone else."

"Oh, them. They're all dead."

There was a beat of silence.

Then, it started out as something that sounded like a chuckle. Then it evolved as it became louder and hysterical. Saito threw back his head, laughing like a fucking maniac. Shikamaru raised an eyebrow, not having expected that sort of reaction. The man spoke through hitching chuckles, his eyes wide and insane.

"You must be eight kinds of stupid if you think that will end everything. Do you at least have an idea of how many rival gangs out there that are jonesing to tear down the Black Hand? You think you won the war? Naw. You just created a new one, an even bigger one."

Shikamaru regarded the man with a blank face. Then he leaned forward into his personal space, until their faces were mere inches away from each other.

"I wouldn't be so worried if I were you. The Hokage already made plans in the event that that should happen. It might even turn out to be something beneficial. I could personally make sure that the confrontations between these gangs be so severe that they wipe each other out. It would certainly be amusing to watch."

Saito frowned and tried to suppress the shudder running down his spine at the sight of a cold grin tilting an otherwise full and well shaped mouth.

* * *

><p>Shikamaru barely made it home. The mission had taken a month to complete and Shikamaru literally ached with longing to crawl under his sheets and sleep for a year. He was on autopilot through the entire meeting with Naruto that had been immediately followed by another meeting with the clan leaders about other menial issues. Though it must have shown because his father kept shooting him strange looks from across the table but when the meeting was over and his father approached Shikamaru quickly brushed him off, not at all in the mood to deal with people.<p>

Everything ached. But Shikamaru was determined not to let it show, to press on and endure and hope that no one noticed. It wasn't until he was in the comfort of his home did he allow his knees to buckle and propel him to the nearest bathroom.

Being violently sick on a mostly empty stomach was not at all a good thing. When the coughing and gagging had subsided, Shikamaru pressed his forehead against his forearm that was braced against the rim of the toilet; panting and eyes squeezed shut against the disorientating dizziness.

"Fuck…" Shikamaru knew that he would have to call Tsunade, especially when he felt himself shudder and burn up at the same time, but just standing up to get to the phone seemed like an impossible task with his head spinning and his legs feeling like jelly. And he didn't dare use any more chakra to send a teleporting scroll.

Somehow, someway, Shikamaru managed to stumble towards the general direction where his phone was located. He fell a couple of times when the pain in his head became too much, but he always got back up. It took him about five minutes to get to his room where the phone was located. He collapsed onto the floor next to night table and pulled the device down onto his lap, his vision darkening and swimming with the much too difficult effort. He had to blink a few times in order for the numbers on the buttons to appear normal enough to dial with them. His hands were shaking as he waited for Tsunade to pick up.

Finally, after what seemed like ages to Shikamaru the blond ex-Hokage answered the phone.

"Yeah?" Was how Tsunade answered the phone when hung-over. Shikamaru just hoped that she wasn't too hung-over.

"Hey, it's Shikamaru…Do you still do house calls?"

* * *

><p>Neji stared at his phone. It was made of plastic, white and blocky black characters on the buttons. It was an unsightly thing but it was the most recent model and it was an absolute necessity for Neji according to his uncle who had taken up the hobby of calling him every time he was home.<p>

But despite its completely uninteresting aesthetics Neji stared at it as though it was going to jump up and start dancing and belting out show tunes from its speaker at any moment.

In truth, Neji was waiting for a phone call. As girly as that made him sound.

Shikamaru had told him he would call him when they got back and figured out when the dinner party was going to be. The mission had been over for almost a week and still no call. Neji had asked around at the tower and had been told that Shikamaru had taken a few days off but nobody could tell him why.

And now he was completely unsure as to whether he should be the one calling or if that would seem too pathetic and needy.

Fed up with the indecision, Neji huffed and turned away and went into his living room to watch a movie. Two movies, three bags of popcorn and lots of caffeine later, the phone finally rang.

A spray of popcorn flew into the air as Neji jumped up from the couch and scrambled his way over to his phone. It took him longer than usual because he had forgotten about the blanket he had draped over his lap and it twisted around his ankles making him almost fall down twice. Composing himself, Neji calmly picked up the phone after the fifth ring.

"Hyuuga."

"Well, it's good to know that I got your real number ."

The second he heard the sound of that deep melodious voice, Neji's insides melted. And then twisted into uncomfortable knots.

"H-hey, I was wondering when you would be calling."

There was a chuckle on the other side of the line, "I hope I didn't make you wait for too long."

"It's no big deal." Neji lied.

"I would have called sooner, but I was a bit busy."

"Hey, I already said it was no big deal."

"Oh, well, anyways I just called to tell you that the dinner…thing, or whatever is going to be this saturday after six. Is that okay with you?"

"Yeah, that's fine."

"Great. Um, so I'll see you then."

"See you on Saturday."

"Bye."

"Bye."

Neji hung up the phone with a sigh. He stood there for a while smiling to himself until he realized what he was doing. Frowning a bit he went back to his couch and resumed watching the movie. The images flashed on the screen, but Neji could hardly pay attention.

Ever since that night in the tent with Shikamaru, Neji felt it again. That…raw magnetism. And he had no idea how that should make him feel. Because it made him think about the reasons why Neji had stopped sleeping with Shikamaru. And it made him think about Shunsuke.

Neji had already come to terms with the fact that he would always love Shunsuke even if he was long gone and that a part of him would never be able to get over him. He still slept on the couch, after all. But he also wanted to be able to live his life even if the idea of getting involved with someone else seemed more than just a little bit scary. Especially when it came to Shikamaru.

He desperately wanted to think that things could be different between them. Maybe, they could actually be normal people around each other. Develop some sort of relationship that was not entirely based on just taking from each other's bodies and not bothering with going beyond that. Even if it meant staying within the realm of 'just friends'.

But Neji had no idea if that could actually work with the type of history they had. He couldn't be sure if in some way Shunsuke's memory would keep getting in the way or if Shikamaru's past addictions and traumas would somehow rear up its ugly head and make things between them go sour once again.

As such, Neji was only half way aware of the risks of getting involved with Shikamaru might be and a part of him was wary of those risks. But another part of him, the part that was drawn to the Nara, was curious about what could happen now that they both have matured and changed in some way.

Neji could never ignore that part. He was as intrigued as ever by the other man and despite his misgivings and the precautions his guarded heart kept sending him, Neji was very much looking forward to Saturday.

* * *

><p>Despite being a bachelor and a slob and all that other stuff that came with the freedom of living by himself, Shikamaru actually considered himself to be a pretty damn good cook. It was the one thing he and his mother could do together without Yoshino becoming thoroughly exasperated with him and begin pelting him with scathing scoldings and silverware.<p>

He enjoyed cooking. Going through the process of creating something from scratch with hands that had been trained to kill. If it wasn't the irony that gave Shikamaru his daily dose of dark humor, it was the mindlessness that made him forget for a moment who he was and just concentrate on the moment and pretend for a moment that everything was all right and normal. It was easy to ignore the changes in his body when he had to concentrate on avoiding chopping off a finger.

He was just putting the food into serving bowls and platters when there was a knock on his door. And then Naruto just barged into his apartment anyways followed by Sasuke.

"Why do you even bother knocking when you're just going to invite yourself in?" Shikamaru asked as he pulled out various plates.

Naruto shrugged as he made a bee line for Shikamaru's fridge, "Because I didn't realize that the door was unlocked at first. What's for eats?"

"Food, obviously. Help me take all this stuff to the dining table."

"Damn. I told you we should have come a half hour late, Sasuke." Naruto grumbled as he grudgingly took the bowls and plates Shikamaru handed him.

Sasuke just smirked and picked up a couple of platters himself. "I think it's good for you. We can't let your head get any bigger than it already is just because you're the Hokage."

Shikamaru was leading the bantering couple towards the dining area, when Ino and Chouji showed up, followed by Neji.

"Hello, crowd of people invading my home. Beverages are in the fridge. Help yourselves." Shikamaru could practically hear Ino roll her eyes as Chouji just chuckled. Neji turned and walked into the kitchen and Shikamaru could hear him muttering not so discreetly to himself.

"Always the gracious host."

Shikamaru couldn't stop the smirk from curling his lips.

Half an hour later the rest of Shikamaru's guests had arrived and making a lot of noise and scandal as they passed around the food.

"Dammit, Naruto! Stop hogging all of the pork!"

"Shut up and pass me the meat!"

"Shino, I'd really appreciate it if you didn't use your bugs around the fo-"

"Too, late."

"Bleghk! I think I just swallowed one!"

"Nah, it was probably just a raisin."

"But I didn't put raisins in any of the food."

"Fuck, I'm going to throw up!"

Everyone watched in amusement as Ino raced off towards the bathroom. Chouji gave Shino a dry look.

"Was that really necessary?"

Shino shrugged, "She should have kept her mouth closed."

"Well, that's asking for a longshot…" Shikamaru said drily.

Once everyone had their preferred portion of food, small talk began to break out all over the table and Shikamaru for the first time in a while felt rather at peace. He was normally a rather quiet person and was content with just hearing the insanities that the others felt they needed to say. Neji sat beside him, just as quiet and amused as he ate. At some point, he looked over at Shikamaru's plate and frowned a bit when he saw that most of the food was untouched.

"Hey, you didn't happen to tamper the food or something?"

Shikamaru blinked and looked at the other brunet before looking down at his plate, just then noticing that he had been playing with the same piece of boiled broccoli for the last ten minutes.

"Nah, I wasn't feeling that creative. I just don't have much of an appetite right now." Shikamaru said, giving Neji a lopsided grin.

Neji tilted his head, "Does that happen a lot?"

Shikamaru shrugged, "I've been feeling a little under the weather. Just a bug or something from when we where in the forest. No big deal."

Neji nodded and was promptly distracted by Ino.

"Hey, Neji, you come from a traditional family right? Isn't it supposed to be tradition for a soon to be married couple to hold off on sex before the wedding night?"

The look on Neji's face made Shikamaru chuckle.

Neji stuttered a bit when the whole table turned to look at him, "Well, yeah, but-"

"Ha! Told you so, Chouji!"

Chouji scowled at the Hyuuga, "Man, I really hate you right now."

Shikamaru gave his friend an amused and completely unsympathetic look, "Good to know that I'm not the only one forced into abstinence."

Chouji glared and picked up a vegetable from Ino's plate to flick at Shikamaru's face. It missed, of course.

"Oh!" Ino exclaimed out of the blue, "That reminds me! We need to make a toast!" She said turning to look at Shikamaru.

It took a moment for Shikamaru caught on to what she meant until Ino raised an eyebrow and gave him a significant look.

Shikamaru quickly started to protest, "No, don't, it's _so_ not necessary…"

Naruto paused in his inhalation of his food and asked loudly with his mouth full of food, "A toast for what?"

Sasuke gave his lover a disgusted look, "I cannot believe you're the Hokage of this village."

Ino ignored everyone and Shikamaru knew it was lost cause to keep protesting when she raised her glass of wine.

"I propose a toast!" Shikamaru groaned when she turned to him with a bright dramatic smile on her face and when everyone started to raise their drinks as well, "For, Shikamaru! Who is only a month away from completing an entire year of sobriety!"

There was a loud incoherent chorus of what could have been "Cheers!" before everyone took a sip of their drink.

"I'm never inviting you over again, Ino." Shikamaru said flatly, but it was hard to take the statement seriously with the amusement laced into his tone.

Ino gave him a huffy look, "Don't play stupid. You know you can't live without me."

Sakura scoffed, "He's only being stupid when he pretends to actually like you."

"Shut up, forehead! Nobody asked you!"

Though the subject had been dropped and nobody mentioned it again, Shikamaru made a point of actually eating some of his food instead of just pushing it around. At some point during the evening, he started feeling slightly light headed and decided that he needed to step away for a moment.

"Hey, where're you going?" Lee asked him the moment he stood up.

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow, "What? I can't even go to my own bathroom without being interrogated?"

"No." Everyone at the table said with matching straight faces, even though Naruto and Ino seemed to be having a hard time trying not to smile.

Shikamaru rolled his eyes and flipped them off as he started to make his way over to the bathroom. Once inside, he locked the door and leaned over the sink, bracing himself with his hands on the edge of the bowl. He took a few deep breaths, trying to quell the dizziness and nausea. When it didn't seem to be doing any good, he turned on the water and splashed some of the cool liquid on his face. It helped some and when the room stopped tilting so much, he dried off his face and unlocked the door. He hadn't even been able to turn to knob when the door suddenly opened. Startled he took a step back and was surprised when Shino stepped in swiftly.

The door shut behind him and Shikamaru stepped back a few paces until he was pressed against a corner and Shino was directly in his personal space and closing in.

"Shino! What the hell-"

Shikamaru flinched and shrank in on himself when Shino's larger body pressed up against him. He jumped when he felt Shino press his face into his neck and his heart started beating fast in panic.

"Sh-Shino-?" Shikamaru shifted and started to push at the man's broad chest trying to get away.

"Don't move." Had it been anyone else Shikamaru would have already punched the living day lights out of them by then, but Shino was unpredictable and though he was pressed completely against Shikamaru, his tone showed that his actions were for a non-sexual purpose.

"Shino, what's going on? What the hell are you doing?" Shikamaru said in a firmer voice, trying very hard not to show how intimidated he was, even as he forced himself to not move a muscle.

Shino inhaled deeply before speaking, "Your smell… It's been bothering me since I got here."

"Oh, well, I'll make damn sure to use more soap next time I shower."

Shino shook his head and pressed himself in closer, wrapping his arms around Shikamaru's waist, nearly lifting him off the floor as though trying to get closer. Even though it could be an arguably intimate gesture there was something disconcerted in the way Shino moved, as though he was searching or reaching for something he couldn't quite understand.

"No…It's something else. Something is not right. Something's…different. Off."

Shikamaru blanched when he realized what was motivating Shino to act like this.

"Hey, look, Shino, it's nothing, don't-" Shikamaru cut himself off when Shino's large hands started to rub over his arms and he could feel and hear the bugs buzzing inside of Shino as he investigated what was wrong. Even though Shikamaru knew that the bug ninja was not at all trying to get in his pants it was still difficult not to react to the feeling of those large hands running over his body and he had to fight hard not to arch into the touch.

Suddenly, Shino tensed and pulled back sharply as though he had been burned. Shikamaru couldn't see the man's eyes underneath those dark goggles but the way his eyebrows were raised clearly showed that he was shocked.

"Shikamaru, you-you…" Shikamaru never thought he would live to see the day Shino stuttered.

"Don't." Shikamaru interrupted before Shino could gather his wits again. He gently but firmly pushed the other man away from his personal space and drew himself up to his full height, making himself look stronger than he had been feeling for the last few weeks.

Shino just stared and didn't seem to be prepared to let the matter drop.

"But, Shikamaru-"

"It's okay Shino," Shikamaru said firmly, "Everything is going to be okay, I'll be fine. I'm going to be fine."

Shino didn't say anything when Shikamaru moved past him and out of the bathroom. On the way back to the dining table Shikamaru couldn't help wonder if he had been trying to reassure Shino or himself.

* * *

><p>A pair of intense cerulean eyes tracked Shikamaru's movements as he went back to his place at the dining table. His stare went unnoticed and was then diverted when Shino sauntered back into the room unnoticed. Their gazes crossed each other and he nodded at the man receiving a tense nod in response.<p>

Sasuke gave his lover a sideways glance before going back to his food.

"Have you spoken to him?" Sasuke said in a voice so low that only Naruto's keen hearing could hear.

In a voice that was just as low, Naruto responded, "No, he'll tell me when he is ready."

"He is your second in command, we must consider the risks. Besides, Shino seems to have figured it out on his own."

"Shikamaru will never allow anything to jeopardize his duty to this village. And Shino is smart enough to keep his mouth shut."

"Still…"

Naruto quieted his lover by shoving a piece of pork into his mouth with his chopsticks, smiling at the indignant glare he got in return.

"Don't worry about it, babe. We'll deal with it when we have to."

Sasuke thought about pressing the matter but in the end he let it go. Sasuke had made a promise to trust Naruto and no matter how desperate he sometimes was to break that promise, he never really had the heart to do it. In the end he couldn't help loving the moron.

* * *

><p>"Hey, when did you get a cat?" Neji asked as he watched a white furball saunter behind Shikamaru as he walked into the living room after letting it out of it's lair, which just so happened to be the main bedroom.<p>

Shikamaru shrugged as he sat down beside the other man beside him on his couch.

"I found her on the street. She was being attacked by a pack of street dogs. It was sort of funny, actually. There were these three big mangy dogs snarling and surrounding this tiny ball of fur and I almost didn't intervene because she was giving them one hell of a fight."

"So why did you rescue her?"

"Just as I was about to make the decision of leaving, she looked over at me with those big blue eyes of hers and I knew that I couldn't just walk away."

Neji grinned, "Touching story. Who'd have thought that Nara Shikamaru actually had a heart?"

Shikamaru laughed, "Yeah, well apparently no one is immune to her charms. The first he met her, Sasuke was literally fawning and cooing all over her like a girl."

Neji's laughed and then raised his eyebrows in amusement when the cat jumped smoothly onto Shikamaru's lap, kneading his thigh with her white paws and looking at Neji with big pale blue eyes.

"She is a beautiful animal."

Shikamaru smiled down at the feline, stroking the long silky white fur. There was a moment of silence that hadn't been there for the last four hours. Everyone had gone home after consuming all of Shikamaru's food and drinks and Shikamaru was actually kind of glad that everything was peaceful again. As much as he liked spending time with all of his friends there came a moment when socializing became quite exhausting.

He looked over at Neji and watched him as he reached out to pet his cat's soft furry head. The cat purred and arched into the touch and Shikamaru found himself enjoying the soft look that overcame those usually stern and stoic features. Neji had been a foot away from leaving his apartment when Shikamaru awkwardly blurted out to ask if the man would like to stay a while longer. After the first few moments of mandatory surprise and awkwardness, Neji had acquiesced.

And that is how they had ended up sitting on his couch, Neji with a glass of wine and Shikamaru sipping some mineral water while his cat soaked up all of the attention the two of them where granting her.

"What's her name?"

"Midori."

Neji paused and blinked, "You named a white cat with blue eyes, green?"

Shikamaru shrugged, "It was the only name she would respond to."

"You can never just do anything normal, can you?"

"No…which is weird because I have always wanted a mundane and normal life for as long as I can remember."

"Funny how we always seem to yearn for that which we can never have."

Shikamaru shrugged, "Meh, at least I have a friendly face to come home to everyday."

"Even if it isn't human?"

"Especially because it isn't human. Less expectations. All I have to do is give her food everyday and I have her eternal affection."

"How convenient." Neji said drily.

"You have no idea."

They were both silent for a moment, before Shikamaru finally found the courage to say what had been on his mind the entire night. He absently stroked Midori's fur before turning to look at Neji with what he hoped was an open and honest look.

"You know, I've been meaning to thank you."

Neji tilted his head, "For what?"

Shikamaru shrugged, "For coming here. For just forgetting for a moment about the past and I dunno…just coming here to have what I hope was a good time. I know it can't have been easy."

Neji took a small sip of his wine and seemed to be thinking about his reply before setting the fragile glass down onto the coffee table and looking back at Shikamaru.

"You're right it wasn't easy. I have no idea what to expect what came out of this evening. I'm so used to being in control of everything and that all just seems to crumble away when it comes to you."

"Yeah, well, not everything is going to come out according to plan."

Neji snorted softly, his eyes lowering and fingers picking on a loose thread on one of the throw pillows, "Yeah, you can say that again."

There was another moment of silence in which Midori decided she no longer found Shikamaru's lap comfortable enough and she stood up and jumped down to couch and wandered off to another warm spot to nap in.

"You know I have been wondering though," Neji began as he continued to fidget with the pillow, not really looking at Shikamaru, "Did I ever mean anything to you? I mean, when we were, I dunno…fooling around? Or something like that…"

Fuck, anything but that question…Shikamaru hesitated to answer, not really thrilled with the idea of putting the truth out there. Neji picked up easily on his unease and seemed to change his mind on wanting to know.

"You don't have to answer that if you don't want to. It was a stupid question anyways." Neji said as he frowned and seemed to berate himself for something.

Feeling slightly insulted and not knowing exactly why, Shikamaru found himself responding against his better judgment.

"Why would it be stupid? You make it sound as though you already know the answer."

Neji gave him a disbelieving look, "Well, come on, Shikamaru, this is you we are talking about."

Feeling his temper rise, Shikamaru found himself snapping back, "What, so just because I was whore and an addict I don't get to tell my side of the story?"

Taken aback by Shikamaru's defensive tone, Neji snapped back as well, "I never said that! But considering your past and how you used to use people I didn't think I would be any different than all the other people you've fucked."

"Right, because that _would_ be predictable of me. Because you know, I happen to have childhood traumas and wouldn't take my mind off of my own cock and whatever hole I was sticking it into. Never mind the fact that you were the only person I would sleep with when I was totally sober and was the only person I had ever spent the whole night with." Shikamaru's eyes were narrowed and his fists were clenched against his thighs by the time he was done with his rant. It didn't help his temper at all that Neji was looking at him as though he had grown a second head.

"Well, excuse me if I failed to read between the lines and happened to miss the roses are red poetry every time I invited you to stay for breakfast, but you weren't exactly forthcoming when it came to how you felt other than telling me what I tight ass I had. Then again, it became pretty obvious what you felt about me when you fucked Kiba at the first chance you got."

"I never said we were exclusive! You could have just as easily gone onto fuck whoever you wanted and I wouldn't have gone all jealous bitch, like you did!"

"I was not jealous! You fucking betrayed me and went behind my back and fucked my cousin's fiancée!"

"Oh, so now it turns out I had to fucking report back to you every time I wanted to fuck someone else! We were fuckbuddies, Nejii, not fucking married!"

By then they were standing, flushed and angry as they yelled at each other.

"You see? There it is! I _was_ just another hole to fuck and don't you _dare_ deny it!"

"It's not like that! I already told you it was different with you!"

"It was sex, Shikamaru! Unless you were part of some secret BDSM underground world that I don't know about, it wasn't that different! And besides you seemed to get over it pretty fast once we were done screwing around!"

"Well, it wasn't as though as I was going to fucking get down on my knees and beg! And you're one to talk! How long did it take before you started hooking up with Shunsuke fucking Torii?"

Neji flushed angrily and pointed a finger at Shikamaru, "I knew you knew we were going out! You son of a bitch! Was that why you wanted him on that mission? Just so you could watch him fuck up and die?!"

Shikamaru just about lost it, "Are you out of your fucking mind! How fucking dare you! I would never do anything so unprofessional, even if I was drugged out of my mind or completely hungover!"

"Then what the hell happened, Shikamaru! Are you going to lie to my face and tell me that it was some tragic accident and that I should just let it all go? That it was some fuck up that the great ninja genius Shikamaru fucking Nara hadn't been able to foreseen?"

Shikamaru finally found some sense of reason and came to realize that things had finally gone too far. Or maybe it was the guilt that was churning up his insides. Covering his face with his hand he took a deep breath and tried to calm down a bit.

"Now is really not the time for this, Neji. Maybe we should talk about this at a later time."

Neji gave an angry glare before scoffing forcefully.

"You know what? Whatever." Neji shook his head as he turned away and stalked out of the apartment.

Shikamaru stood in the middle of his living room, staring at his wooden floors, not even flinching when his entrance door slammed shut. Running a hand over his pulled back hair he dropped down onto his couch his head tilted over the back and his hands covering his face.

Why couldn't anything be all right between them? Why did it always have to come out so complicated? Why was he so stupid when it came to the Hyuuga? Shikamaru wanted desperately to find that fabled connection he and Neji had sort of, might have, had. Instead, he found another way to fuck it up. God, he was so, so stupid…

At some point his gaze came upon his coffee table and he was suddenly aware of the glass of unfinished wine that Neji left behind. He stared at it for a long moment, imagining himself picking it up and downing it one swig and then getting up to get more and finishing the other bottles in his cabinet.

"FUCK!"

Shikamaru aggressively kicked his coffee table sending it toppling over, magazines fluttering into the air and water and wine spilling over in a wide arc over his floor. He slumped over with his head in his hands, breathing hard and squeezing his eyes shut, trying to block out the thoughts swirling around in his head clamoring for his attention.

_Just one drink. Just one._

_It's been a year. A whole fucking year._

_Who the fuck cares! It'll only be for a moment._

_NO. It can't happen. I won't let it happen. Worked too hard. Lost too much._

_Fuck you. You need this._

_No, I don't._

_You're a pussy._

_A coward._

_Shut up!_

_A fucking cock slut. _

_You fucking faggot._

_Shut the hell up!_

_You'll never change. You can go to the head shrink all you want. Deep down you'll always be the same._

_A tainted whore._

_Fuck you!_

_A tweeked out twink begging to be fucked._

_Fuck you! Fuck you!_

_You'll never get it right. You'll never be worthy. You piece of shit._

_Fuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyou fuckyoufuckyou…_

He didn't even notice when the shouts in his head started coming out of his mouth.

"FUKCYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKFUC KFUCKFU-"

And suddenly Shikamaru couldn't breathe anymore.

* * *

><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**AN (otherwise known as the part where I begin to grovel):** I am so, so sorry I couldn't get this chapter out sooner. RL is a demanding bitch that is fond of bondage and whips and it's all I can do to keep up. I make no promises as to when the next chapter is going to go up but I think this story has about two or three chapters left to it anyways, but who knows.

On a much lighter note, yay for real life pet cameo! Midori is a real cat that likes to sit and purr on my lap and steal my sweat pastries, and for some reason decided that she must be a part of this fic. :3


	8. Bleeding Out

**CHAPTER** **EIGHT**: **BLEEDING OUT**

Everything felt hazy. Distorted. Shikamaru stared at the wall without really seeing it, feeling disconnected from his body even though he could feel the soft mattress underneath him as he sat there. He was only absently aware that he was not wearing a shirt, the shifting air cold against his bare chest, his hands fisting against the dark fabric of his pants. He looked down at his arm and he felt something icy trail down his spine when he saw the rubber tube wrapped tightly around his arm just above his elbow. He swallowed hard and looked back up at the wall, the room tilting a bit around him as his mind swam with numbness. He looked down again, but this time he saw his other hand resting against his knee, his long fingers curled around a needle filled with a heavy dose of a crystalline clear substance.

He turned the needle around his palm, his other hand reflexively tightening into a fist making a purple vein pulse and stand out against the pale skin on the inside of his elbow. A deep thudding sound began to pulse through his chest as his hand holding the needle began to bring the sharp hypodermic point towards his arm.

The room throbbed with the thudding making him tremble uncontrollably. Everything felt sharply clear yet heavily dull as well. The room was fuzzy, but the sweat rolling down his brow felt very real, as well as the sour tang of bile rising up his throat. He watched helplessly as the needle sunk into his flesh with disturbing ease.

* * *

><p>Shikamaru jerked awake with a sharp gasp, his heart thrumming fast and hard in his chest. He blinked rapidly to dissipate the lingering darkness lingering at the edges of his vision.<p>

The bright light reflecting off of the white ceiling made the dream seem less real. And yet the vividness remained, ingraining itself in Shikamaru's mind.

"Shit." Shikamaru pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes trying to will the panic and slight nausea down so he could regain his normal breathing. A soft purring mewl startled him and he jerked his head towards the source of the noise. Midori was lying down next to his head with her small paws tucked neatly under her breast and after looking into her pale blue eyes for a few moments, Shikamaru finally realized he had been sleeping on the floor. His meltdown must have exhausted him to the point of passing out flat on his back on the floor.

He groaned dramatically as he peeled his back from the hardwood floor, feeling each muscle strain and stretch painfully. Midori walked up onto his lap demanding food and instead of dwelling on his disturbing dream he found himself moving to do his normal morning routine as though it never happened.

* * *

><p>"You look like shit." Was how Shikamaru was welcomed into his office after dragging himself out of his apartment.<p>

"Good morning to you too, miss sunshine." He said scowling at Sasuke and throwing himself down into his chair, his scowl deepening when he saw the pile of paperwork that had been dumped onto his desk.

Sasuke noticed what he was looking at and raised an eyebrow, "If you had been on time you wouldn't have so much paperwork today."

Shikamaru glared at Sasuke as he said, "What the hell are you doing here, Uchiha? Aren't you supposed to be somewhere else getting fucked on the nearest hard surface by Naruto? Or did you finally manage to snap his dick off?"

Shikamaru was not at all impressed with the glowering death glare and silently gave the other nin a flat stare, pointedly waiting for an answer.

Sasuke decided to ignore the question all together, "I need your other persona."

Shikamaru's bored look tensed into a more closed off one.

"Now is really not a good time."

Sasuke was not impressed nor did he look inclined to care at all, "You're duties to the Hokage can wait. There is an important mission that requires your particular skill set."

"So, I guess that means I have no reason to turn down the mission."

A slim dark eyebrow rose, "Do you have a reason to turn the mission down?"

Yes. "Nope."

"Then I expect you to follow the orders you will be receiving sometime tonight. Have a good day."

* * *

><p>Neji watched the blood swirl down the drain letting his mind go blank to block out the pain. It was an automatic habit of his that most ninja had. It helped keep the scattered strings of his sanity from stretching more than they already were. Still, it would be awhile before he could close his eyes and not see the faces of his target as they died. As the last of the blood drained away, Neji tilted his head back and let the warm water pouring out of the shower head to fall against his face.<p>

The last mission had been particularly messy. There had been more enemies than anticipated tripling the bloodshed and was very close to reducing Neji's three man team by one man.

But in the end it had been done and there was nothing left to do other than clean up the mess and move on to the next mission. There were always plenty of those to take Neji's mind off all the lives he had to take to protect the honor of his village.

He was just drying up from his shower when a puff of smoke appeared on the bathroom counter. Neji internally groaned, automatically thinking that it was another mission.

He was right of course.

* * *

><p>Neji knew that mask and he was sure that the other man knew who he was under his own bone white mask. To the general public the ANBU were mystical beings that lurked in the darkness and had no identity other than that of stealth and deadliness. But once one traveled the food chain to the most elite of shinobi, one begins to understand that the anonymity fades away. To succeed in a world such as theirs, one has to know everything; one must be in the possession of as much knowledge as possible, even if it concerns one's own allies. And Neji had made it his very personal mission to figure out the identities of as many ANBU agents as possible.<p>

His posture was different, as well as his body language. It was very carefully controlled and yet elegant at the same time. But there were some small things that still made him recognizable to Neji. His gloved fingers fidgeted by his thigh, twitching to make that familiar triangle form with his fingers when he was mapping out a strategy.

For the first time ever Neji took comfort in the obscurity of his job.

* * *

><p>The mission had been a success. With Neji by his side, Shikamaru had been able to execute his plan to almost perfection. Almost.<p>

They had just started their retreat when she came out of nowhere. Shikamaru had already depleted most of his chakra, just bordering on that threshold that he had been avoiding for several months now. Destroying an entire secret hideout for rogue nins filled to maximum capacity could do that to someone. They had left no survivors.

Shikamaru didn't consider her a survivor. She was basically half dead when she had risen from the smoldering rubble, while Neji was doing a post-op check. Out of pure dumb stupid luck was she able to place herself within the Hyuuga's blind spot.

A flare of ice hot panic flared in Shikamaru's chest when he turned to see the bloody corpse rising up and aiming a piece of sharp rubble directly towards the base of Neji's neck.

Time seemed to freeze. There was no way Shikamaru would be able to make it. He was too far away and the pieces of rubble were too big and in the way. He couldn't possibly make it, he would be too late. Always too fucking late. He'd have to watch as something precious was torn from him once again, because _he couldn't fucking make it_.

Shikamaru had never been able to make his hands move as fast as they did that day. Even Kakashi would be jealous. In that heart stopping and panicking moment, his body moved with screaming instinct and arduously ingrained muscle memory.

Every muscle in Neji's body tensed and the fine hairs on the back of his neck rose to prickling awareness. Something was behind him. He jerked around quickly and nearly cried out in surprise with what he found. A once beautiful female face contorted with fury, half her face scratched and burnt. Her abdomen had been cut open, blood darkening her clothes and held aloft in a scraped and bloody hand a sharp piece of rubble aimed directly at him, but frozen in mid action. It took him only a second to recognize the dark stripe of nin-shadow wrapped tightly around her throat.

Her eyes widened when the shadow abruptly tightened and the expression remained on her face when her head flew off her neck landing a few feet away from her body as it slumped to the ground. Neji didn't even flinch when her blood sprayed all over him. He quickly looked for his savior over the landscape of ruin and felt another spike of alarm when he saw Shikamaru collapse onto the ground.

His Byakugan was still activated and seeing the startling dip in Shikamaru's chakra and life force was enough for Neji to move as fast as he could to his comrade's side. Shikamaru was struggling onto his knees bracing his hands on the ground and when Neji put a hand on his shoulder he could feel how much he was shaking and could hear his gasping breathes.

"Shikamaru!" Neji called out but when the Nara started to cough violently he knew something was gravely wrong. Tearing off his bloody mask he forced the ailing man to lay on his back and removed the others mask as well.

His naturally tanned skin had paled completely and drops of blood fell against his lips and chin when Shikamaru hacked up another couch.

"What the fu-? Shikamaru?" Alarmed, Neji started to check the man over for any injuries but couldn't see any visible wounds. His confusion mounting, Neji pulled back Shikamaru's heavy cloak and undoing the clasps and zippers of his ninja gear with shaky hands, trying desperately to look for anything that could be causing Shikamaru pain. There was nothing, not even a bruise.

Shikamaru was barely breathing by now and in seconds he was covered in a cold sweat as fever began to intrude his body. Panic mounting, Neji grabbed Shikamaru's face trying to get him to look at him.

"Shikamaru, hey! Look at me!" Eyes glazed over in pain focused onto a worried pale gaze, "You have to stay with me, Shikamaru. I need you to tell me what is wrong. Tell me what to do." Neji's voice was steady and firm, trying his best to give Shikamaru something to cling onto as he battled for consciousness.

It took a moment for the words to filter through the pounding migraine assaulting Shikamaru's brain, but eventually he was able to respond.

"We-we have t-to get…to get...t-to…" Shikamaru spluttered and heaved as his chest tightened painfully and he suddenly forgot what it was he was going to say.

Neji pulled him up into a sitting position, wrapping an arm around his shoulders to give him support.

"What? What do we need to get?"

"Th-the vi-village…we have to-"

"The village? We have to go back to Konoha?"

"Tsu-Tsunade….she'll know what to do…" Shikamaru's voice was fading fast and Neji didn't dare hesitate a second more before picking up the ailing ninja and rushing off as fast as he dared towards Konoha.

* * *

><p>Shikamaru was breathing considerably easier when he woke up. After that discovery and considering himself one lucky bastard, he immediately recognized that he was in a hospital room. By this point in his life, it wasn't even a fucking surprise anymore. He was still sore though and his head felt as though a herd of rhinos were stomping around on his brain, but he was awake and aware and by just turning his head a little to his left, being glared at by a pair of pale silver eyes.<p>

"You're awake." Neji said, his voice flat.

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow, "And still alive, apparently."

Shikamaru felt like shrinking when Neji's eyes narrowed and his lips pressed into a thin line, "Yes it appears so. But from what Tsunade and Sakura tell me that in itself happens to be something short of a miracle. If I had waited a minute longer to bring you back to the village we would not be having this conversation."

Shikamaru nodded slowly and a tense silence filled the room. Shikamaru refused to look at the Hyuuga in exchange for looking at his spectacularly fascinating bedspread. Neji was obviously not impressed nor amused with Shikamaru's intense scrutiny of bland hospital sheets and his scowl deepened before he became too impatient.

"Pray tell, at what moment did you think it would be prudent for you to come forward with serious information such as the fact that you are very seriously sick and could die at any moment?"

Shikamaru gave the other man a sidelong glance, his expression guarded so as not to expose his anxiety at being discovered.

"How long was I out?" Shikamaru said to not so subtlety change the subject and also because he was genuinely curious.

Neji huffed but answered anyways, "You went unconscious halfway through the journey back and after getting you stable enough you slipped into a temporary coma. You basically shut down for five days."

"Does my father know?"

"He stayed by your side the entire time. I was able to finally convince him to go home and rest a couple of hours ago with the condition that I would stay here with you."

Shikamaru nodded again without looking at Neji, "Thanks…"

Neji was silent for a moment, "You didn't answer my question."

Shikamaru sighed, "It doesn't matter and it sort of isn't any of your business."

Neji blinked and had to take a moment to squash down a wave of indignant rage before he could speak in a level voice.

"None of my business? How is withholding vital information on your health none of my business when I was partnered with you on an important mission?"

"I was handling everything just fine."

"Oh, yes you were doing quite fabulously up until you collapsed and started coughing up blood. Neji didn't even try to hide the sarcasm.

"That only happened because that bitch refused to die in the explosion."

"All right, blame the half dead kunoichi who didn't know about your plans on hiding the fact that you were slowly dying and couldn't expend too much chakra without being sent to the hospital and going into a coma."

"Yeah well, I mustn't have been that close to death considering you've been berating me with snarky sarcasm ever since I woke up."

Neji stood up from his seat, "For the last five days I have had to watch several people go into semi hysterical depression because of you and your ridiculous secrecy while Tsunade and Sakura had run themselves ragged trying to keep your ungrateful ass alive enough to help Naruto run this stupid village. So, excuse me for my 'snarky sarcasm'" Neji actually made finger quotes, "but given your asshole behavior you really fucking deserve it."

"You have terrible bedside manner. And in any case why do you care? Nobody asked you to stick around, you should have just gone home and not deal with all of this if it really bothered you that much."

Neji's stoic mask completely slipped off to reveal his aggravated exasperation, "_Why do I care_? Are you fucking serious? After all of these years, after everything we've gone through you still think I don't care about you?"

Shikamaru was also starting to show signs of being ticked off, "Well, from what I gathered during our last conversation, I was just a really good fuck once upon a time ago in the past. So, yeah I guess I have some merit when it comes to questioning just how much you really care."

Neji threw his hands up, "I can't fucking believe this! This is just completely unreal! Of course I care! I have always cared!" Neji pointed a finger in Shikamaru's face, "You are an ungrateful, lazy, cynical, son of a bitch, _bastard_ and I am still stupid enough to actually care about you after all you have made me go through! You have made my life hell and instead of being even the least bit remorseful, _I _am the one who is fretting over you like a little bi-!"

Neji's indignant tirade was cut off when, quick as a snake, Shikamaru reached out and grabbed Neji's pointing hand and pulled, making their lips crash together in a rough kiss. Without realizing it, Neji went from tense to melting into the kiss as Shikamaru deepened the connection, threading his fingers into long chocolate hair and holding the back of his head. Neji shuddered and moaned when he felt a tongue slip between his lips and he opened his mouth letting it explore and rub against his own tongue.

Shikamaru had only intended for the kiss to have been a method for shutting Neji up but after nearly a year of limited human contact and years of longing to have these lips against his, he found himself getting lost in the sensations. When they pulled apart to breath long enough for Neji to come to his senses, it was to realize that not only had they been making out like teenagers but that he was a grope away from crawling up onto Shikamaru's hospital bed and taking this further than he should.

Taking a deep breath, Neji put a hand Shikamaru's chest pushing him back and giving them both some space. Neji looked up into dark slanted eyes that were slightly glazed over but staring back at him with determination.

"That was stupid." Neji tried to ignore how husky his voice had come out.

Shikamaru licked his lips, "Yeah."

"Why did you do it?"

"Because you drive me completely insane and because…" Shikamaru hesitated for a second but swallowed down his anxiety and just said it, "and because I love you."

Neji was stunned speechless. Shikamaru decided to take advantage of that.

"Ever since the first night we spent together, I had always felt something for you. Even before that I respected you and even admired you as a Shinobi. But you were always so…aloof…so perfect, so out of reach and I yearned to get close to you… But I never had the courage to do so. I felt…tainted and dirty and unworthy. When I was finally able to get close enough to you was when I realized just how much I felt for you. And instead of doing the smart thing and leaving and never coming back…I became selfish. I wanted to get closer, but…at the same time I didn't want to get too close. I thought if I had enough sex with you I could get you out of my system, that I would get bored of you and realize that my feelings were just an infatuation, just an illusion and eventually go away…But they weren't and they didn't and the more time I spent with you the more I realized that I could never get enough of you. So…I began to panic and feel afraid and stupid and I ended up fucking up just to push you away."

Neji was able to pull out of his dazed stupor enough to snort and say, "Yeah, you were pretty successful with that."

The corner of Shikamaru's mouth twitched but then flattened as his eyes darkened, "Yeah, that part was easy… But what wasn't easy and the one thing I could never achieve, was forgetting about you…trying to get over you. I never could. No matter who I fucked, how much I drank or how many drugs I did…you were always somewhere in my thoughts. When…when I finally went into rehab…at first I thought it was because I was trying to prove you wrong. But somewhere along the line…I realized it was because I was actually trying to prove myself to you. I wanted to be clean. I wanted to get over myself and my past demons or whatever, so that someday I just might be worthy enough for you. For once I wanted to become a better person. Not just for you, but for myself as well...Because I wanted to be close to you. It's all I ever wanted."

For a long moment Neji was silent almost too afraid to move and shatter whatever illusion he had fallen into. But it didn't and he was able to conclude that Shikamaru's face for the first time ever since he met the man was completely open and honest and that he had just bared his soul to him.

Neji just sighed and lowered his eyes, "You are so completely unfair."

Shikamaru's pulse spiked a bit in nervousness, but he tried to cover it with a humorous chuckle, "Oh yeah? How so?"

Neji looked up again, "I want to be mad at you. In fact, I'm supposed to be furious with you. But then you make it impossible and I don't…it's just…"

Neji trailed off and fell silent looking down again at his fingers twiddling with the edge of a white bed sheet. He had to take a deep breath before he was able to continue.

"I believe everything you just said. I can tell how honest you are being with me right now and I really appreciate that, but…"

"But…?" Shikamaru said, silently wishing his voice hadn't come out so shaky.

Neji looked up again to make eye contact, making sure to be just as honest as he said, "But you're dying, Shikamaru."

Shikamaru's throat closed up and he felt absolutely helpless when Neji kept talking.

"Nobody knows how much longer you have and who knows if Sakura or Tsunade will be successful when it comes to finding a cure or if they are going to be too late. And…and I don't know how I'll be able to handle that. I don't know if I can stand to lose someone else who is important to me. I just…I don't know…"

Shikamaru's chest felt too tight, but somehow he was still able to find some strength to ask the next question.

"So…now what?"

Neji sighed, heartfelt and full of regret, "I just need time, Shikamaru. Just give me some time to think this through."

And even though he wanted to scream and protest and demand things from the Hyuuga and just basically badger the other man until he got what he wanted, Shikamaru just swallowed down the urge and tried to keep his voice as steady as he could.

"Okay, I understand."

And knowing how much saying those words cost him, Neji really meant it when he said, "Thank you."

* * *

><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**A/N:** The end is near...


End file.
